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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23623264">Egbert's Epoch</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krisander/pseuds/Krisander'>Krisander</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Trollstuck 5.0 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternia, Because I Don't Want To Give Away All The Relationships, Gen, Prequel, Surprise Pairing, Trollstuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 17:42:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>66,267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23623264</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Krisander/pseuds/Krisander</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A prequel slash convergent story to Trollstuck 5.0  (story bomb 2020-04-13)</p><p>Follow a young pupa's journey from becoming a troll to finding all his friends (yet again). He has faced evil Batter Witches, Immortal Demons, and Puberty; now he must face the trials of growing up with familiar strangers. Will he be successful in his endeavors, or will he succumb to his apathy?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Nepeta Leijon &amp; Equius Zahhak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Trollstuck 5.0 [2]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/990012</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>57</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Emergence</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As you turn the knob on the magical glowing door, the universe around you summarily collapses. Honestly, you are not quite sure why you expected anything different, considering how SBURB had worked thus far. Colors swirl and merge as the shrieking of planets and suns and entire galaxies ending deafens you immediately. Everything condenses and the pain of dying this time far exceeds anything you have ever experienced before.</p>
<p>If only it could be less horrible. Friends and more removed acquaintances are ripped away from your sphere of influence. You had not even realized you had attempted to Become again until you could not. What SBURB gave, it also apparently takes away. Then again, for a program this is probably seen as equivalent exchange.</p>
<p>One new universe for another. </p>
<p>It is impossible to retcon when you cannot focus, not even enough to zap yourself somewhere random. The sensation feels like hitting your funny bone, but way worse and everywhere. Sharp shoot pain from nerves that also insist you are being stabbed, electrocuted, and immolated at the same exact time. Eventually you reach a point where you lose even awareness of the agony, and it is simply all darkness.</p>
<p>You wake with a start, confused and disoriented. Still alive? Somehow? Your brain is a pile of mush that is also on fire. Attempting to move, you find that your limbs all seem off on their measurements. You are also entirely encased in some sort of silky material. In a momentary panic, you feel the air grow thinner as claustrophobia grips your consciousness. You need out. Right. Now! </p>
<p>Fingers catching on the stuff surrounding you, they easily start tearing through it. Gossamer threads rip and flutter in your blind scramble. It only took a few moments, likely, but you still gasp and pant and catch your breath once you are free. About a minute later, you are glancing about to try and figure out what is going on.</p>
<p>The world around you is dark and slightly out of focus.  Squinting, you realize that glasses are probably still a thing you need. Need and are missing. Eyewear is not the only thing you happen to be missing, a small gust informs you. Yikes. Pants skyrocket to the top of the list of things you hope to soon find. There is movement around you. </p>
<p>Freezing, you squint to try and make out if it is an enemy. When you reach for a hammer, it turns out your strife deck does not appear to be equipped. Figures. You are naked, after all. Your sylladex is gone as well. Shit, you had some useful stuff in there. The movement resolves itself into a nearby hand emerging from a... cocoon? As your vision adjusts to the dim area, you realize the entire place is stuffed full of the puffy little prisons. </p>
<p>More and more people are tearing and shoving their way out of the terrible things. A few are inordinately still. It does not take long to realize that these are tombs. You shudder and, nude or not, rush to finish escaping your own. The drop to the ground is not all that far, but the landing shakes your bones in a way that warns you should be more careful. Weird. You never remember being that delicate. Then again, you feel like you are literally starving. </p>
<p>"Watch it!" one of your fellow escapees growls at you when you accidentally bump into them. </p>
<p>"Sorry!" you quickly chirp back, but the person is already leaving. </p>
<p>For a moment your gaze dips down and- FUCK! Apparently no one here has any clothes. After that incident, you try to keep your eyes focused straight ahead or even up since a lot of these assholes are taller than you are. And... trolls? All of them? Horns of every shape and size surround you, so that must be truth. They seem surprisingly fine with you being amongst them. And having no clothes. Seriously, you seem to be the only one even mildly worried about that.</p>
<p>"Pupas this way!" a high voice calls out. Glancing about, you quickly spot the glowing woman. She is tall and graceful and gorgeous and <i>too fucking bright</i>. Your already severe headache spikes by just attempting to look at her. Luckily it is very easy to tell that this particular shining woman is not Rose's new alien girlfriend. Shit, what was even her name again? Kenya or something? Right, Kanaya! </p>
<p>You wonder if she is down here somewhere. She probably knew what was going on. Or at least she would know where Rose was, and your violet-eyed friend would definitely know what is going on here. Sadly, you do not see her. The push and press of bodies moving prevents you from stopping to search more thoroughly. When you round the corner, you cannot help but to hope there is someone you know nearby. </p>
<p>Instead, a giant spikey silhouette looms into view. Jesus fuck! What <i>is</i> that thing? It stands menacingly close to the throng of moving trolls, seeming to keep watch. Besides being creepy, it does not appear to serve any purpose. As you draw nearer, you see that everyone else is giving the robot (?) a fairly wide berth as they file past it. You do the same and totally do not hold your breath until you are several paces down the tunnel. </p>
<p>When you hear the most horrendous shriek, you turn around to see a body being lifted up on a pitchfork. The limp troll is slung to the side unceremoniously, where you spot a small pile you had previously missed. Your stomach turns. </p>
<p>"Poor fuck," murmurs someone marching next to you without any inflection.</p>
<p>Turning you eye the troll's face and horns. The orange zig-zags are not familiar, and his high ridged nose even less so. Besides, you think you would remember someone who had purple in their hair amongst all the bland monotone gray and black. Still, at least he is talking. Everyone else seems to terrified to make any noise, if the charged atmosphere is anything to go by.</p>
<p>"Keep up, shrimp," he orders. "Or you'll be next."</p>
<p>Then he pushes forward into the crowd that parts around him like water. You really do not think you are the shortest person in the room, but you understand his meaning well enough. Especially since there are more of the armored assholes further down the hall. They appear to be placed at regular intervals on either wall, poised and ready to spear anyone who stuck a single toe out of line. You gulp.</p>
<p>Thus far you seem to be slipping under the radar, but you have no idea how long that will last. Not long enough, you decide as another scream rends through the air. Between your confusion and the massive pounding between your ears, it is hard to focus on anything long enough to figure out what is going on. The only good thing about the forced march is that it gives you time to adjust to your limbs again. Also, someone left out tables of shirts, which you are ridiculously glad of. </p>
<p>Pulling the enormous swath of black fabric over your head, you do not mind at all that it seems to be twice too big for you. At least you have some semblance of clothing on, and it is long enough to reach your knees. Score! Even without pants, you are feeling marginally more prepared to take on whatever the Hell is happening.</p>
<p>When the throng of bodies hits the more open area of large caves, the forward press peters out. You realize that there are probably thousands of you standing around like idiots. Still there is no sign of any of your friends. At this point, you are not sure if that is a relief or not. Maybe instead of this slightly terrifying subterranean gauntlet, they are somewhere safe.</p>
<p>"Welcome to the cavern trials!" a booming voice echos through the cave. "On the other side, you will find your lusus who will care for you until you ascend into adulthood. The only way to reach there is forward. One wrong move, and you will be culled. Attempt to go back to the egg chambers, and you will be culled. Any serious injuries along the way, and you will be culled. Now, go forth and bring GLORY TO THE EMPIRE!"</p>
<p>All around you, trolls start to jostle and move forward. There are just too many people and not enough room. Then behind you someone screams. Glancing over your shoulder as you pick up the pace, you see what appears to be several large white monsters. They are eating stragglers in the back. The undercurrent of panic in the air spikes to a palpable tension as the crowd quickly devolves into a free for all with survival being the primary objective. </p>
<p>The first obstacle is apparently a doozy. A sheer drop that the crowd pushes people into like lemmings on a cliff. You can see the pillars that you are supposed to use to hop across the chasm- and a few trolls doing just that- but there are too many bodies and not enough room to maneuver. Kids are literally attacking each other to get a chance at leaping to the first few ledges. </p>
<p>Someone gives you a hard shove. You dig your toes into the sandy dirt of the floor but cannot stop your slide off solid ground. Freaking out, you once again reach for the Breath. Instead you find something else. Something foreign and emotionless and somehow intuitive. Your free fall immediately halts as you begin to levitate. It was kind of like when you went Godtier and could suddenly fly. </p>
<p>As you get your balance, you take a quick stock of the cliff edge. There are a couple trolls staring at you in wonder, but most of them are still focused on the task of being one of the lucky few to get across safely. The beasts in the back are still eating the remains of the stragglers, but they will not be distracted for much longer. Shit that is a lot of people and not a lot of time. </p>
<p>If you could just get some of these assholes to work together, they would probably survive. </p>
<p>"Hey!" you call out to a familiar looking set of horns. "Vriska!"</p>
<p>Her face snaps towards you and you are briefly ecstatic. Then you realize there is no recognition in her eyes. Still, there is no doubt in your mind that this is indeed your spider-themed sort-of friend. Even if you did not care for her much towards the end, you have to save her. </p>
<p>"I think I can help!" you tell her. </p>
<p>The wide grin on her face sends a mild shiver of worry through your system, but you are not given long to dwell on that particular weirdness. A tickling sensation in the back of your mind and then- </p>
<p>
  <i>Static.          Control.          Obey.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>         Help.           Fly?          Confusion.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>What.          White noise.          Screaming.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>         Help!          Fly.          Help them.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>                 Falling.</i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>                                   FALLING. </i>
</p>
<p>
  <i>                                                                     FALLING!</i>
</p>
<p> <i>                                                                                                                                       <b>S     T     O    P      !</b></i></p>
<p>You come back to yourself suddenly. Pain rushes through you. Retching, nothing comes out. Your brain is on fire. You want nothing more than to collapse. Yet you know you cannot. There is still too much going on around you for you to be taking a nap. </p>
<p>"Thanks for the help, kid," sneers a familiar voice. "Couldn't have done it without you."</p>
<p>Swimming in and out of focus, your vision locks onto the familiar asymmetrical horns of Vriska. "What-"</p>
<p>"I just borrowed your powers for a bit," she shrugs. "No worries, because we're <i>friends</i>. Right, shortstop?"</p>
<p>Her undertone of vicious mockery makes you snap back into consciousness fully. Shit. What did she- Looking over your shoulder, you are mildly relieved to find the ravine behind you. There are a few trolls still crossing the gap, but most of them already appear to have passed that particular trial. </p>
<p>"Why don't you stick with me?" offers Vriska. "If we work together, I'm sure we will get through the rest of the trials no problem at all."</p>
<p>"You... helped them?" you ask. </p>
<p>She seems offended that you even posed the question, "Of course I did! The more who make it now, the more minds I have at my command later. No sense in letting all of you easy targets go down now. Even if you are a weirdo who thinks he knows me."</p>
<p>"Where are the others?" you manage.</p>
<p>"Tch! We don't have time for this," she turns and starts sauntering away. "Still a few more trials to go. Try and keep up!" </p>
<p>That is the second time someone has told you that. You are starting to worry that you are not going to be able to keep up. In fact, you are already at the back of the pack. Swallowing down the bile in the back of your throat, you press forward. Through the pain and confusion and exhaustion you push on. The trials involve more beasts, pits of lava, obstacle courses of whirling blades and fire... even some of the giant robots covered in spikes.</p>
<p>Along the way you help everyone you can. Warning trolls who are about to fall for an obvious trap, pushing them when they do not dodge fast enough, and distracting enemies are just some of the things you do. In response, the ones you aid do not seem to know how to react to your kindness. Despite everything, you cannot save them all. The throngs of trolls are slowly thinned out, one by one. </p>
<p>You feel like you should be more upset, but none of the ones who die are people you know. Even if they were, you have the horrible sinking feeling that you would still feel the same numbness; after all, the same had happened when you had seen your own dead father and Rose. Then you spot a troll who looks strangely familiar. Even with the color being gray instead of pale, you would recognize the profile of that face anywhere.</p>
<p>"Dave!" you exclaim. </p>
<p>Turning sharply, he stares at you as if you have two heads. You note that his irises are the slate gray you normally would associate with Karkat, not your best bro. The horns and the black hair are also throwing you for a loop, but another part of your mind questions why that is even weird. Everyone here has dark locks and strangely shaped candy corns. But the person you remember was different- as were his eyes.</p>
<p>"Boy, your eyes look weird," escapes from your mouth before your brain can catch up. Oops. "Er, anyway. I'm glad I found you! Have you seen Rose? She probably knows what is going on."</p>
<p>He gives you the same blank look that Vriska gave you. Your heart sinks to your shoes. This cannot be good.</p>
<p>"Who the Hell are you?" he asks. </p>
<p>You gape, "I... I'm-" Your headache spikes, and you throw an arm out on instinct. The pouncing lion-scorpion-thing rapidly alters course and slams against a stalactite. Did... did you do that? Fuck. Your head hurts so bad. This is nothing like your Aspect powers at all.</p>
<p>"Nice," he gives you a small up-nod. "Appreciate the assist, bro."</p>
<p>"No problem," you say wanly. </p>
<p>His eyes narrow, "It certainly looks like a problem. You look like someone who just had their last batterygrub drained. Take it easy on the powers or you will burn out. Either that or your head might literally explode. I honestly dunno what happens. Almost there, bro. We got this."</p>
<p>Then he walks away. Further down the cavern, you can see where it opens up again. That must be the end. Around you, there are only a couple trolls still at this part of the trials. An animalistic growl warns that the beast you just took out is not alone. No time to lose. </p>
<p>Although you feel like you are dragging your limbs through molasses, you make it into the final area. There are more of those white beasts all around you. Every shape, size, and temperament. Glancing about, you note that occasionally a little bitty troll will be approached by one of these things. Then it will promptly scoop them up and dart away. You would be alarmed, but none of the captured kids look the least bit frightened. </p>
<p>When something that looks like an enormous rabbit approaches you, you suddenly understand. No one is afraid because these monsters are safe. Or at least as safe as anything that you have met thus far. Giant paws wrap around you, and you are scooped up to a furry chest. Snuggled in a protective embrace, you feel the muscles bunch as it begins to hop away. At least for now, everything will be alright. Exhaustion saps your remaining strength, and you quickly fall asleep.</p>
<p>The second time you awaken, you feel even more like shit. </p>
<p>There is too much sound. Buzzing and hammering and... power drills? Grumpily you crack open an eye to find a bunch of robots frantically building a large structure. Huh. Looks like a house. Rubbing at your eyes, you blink a few times. It looks a lot like your old house. You... are not sure how you feel about that. </p>
<p>Fully awake and likely to remain that way for at least a little while, you take the time to slip out of your custodian's grip and have a look around. Weird. A literal suburb is springing up all around you. More thin carpenter drones busily build very similar houses near yours, complete with picket fences and everything. It is like watching your old neighborhood emerge out of thin air. The whole thing screams Twilight Zone.</p>
<p>Then you spot him.</p>
<p>And by him you mean you. At least, you are pretty sure that troll floating off to the side has your face. His horns are wavy things that swoop backwards and up a bit, kind of like the symbol on your Godtier pajamas. Your snaggle buckteeth look a bit like they became a set of rather lethal fangs. As you stare up at him, he finally takes notice of you.</p>
<p>With a little wave, he disappears in a flash of bright blue light. Oh. Oh fuck! You never had even really considered- nothing else from The Game seemed to be working, so why would it? Of all the powers to stick around, you apparently still have the fucking retcon one. Shit. Wait, that meant...</p>
<p>You slowly reach a hand up above your head. Your fingers brush against something smooth and attached to your skull. Right. Okay. You have no idea why you are as shocked about this idea as you are. Of course you are a troll. You just saw Dave a little while ago as a troll. This is a planet full of trolls. Oh God, this is a planet <i>full of trolls</i>. You are so fucked.</p>
<p>Luckily the house is built enough for you to go inside to have your minor panic attack. Scuttling up the stairs, you quickly find the analog to your old room. Shutting the door behind you, you find a snug corner to tuck yourself away into and just exist for a minute. Breathe in. Hold for ten. Breathe out. Okay. One thing at a time.</p>
<p>You are a troll now. That is actually kind of cool. You never spent a lot of time with the trolls, so you are not quite sure what to expect. You know you are nocturnal now. You have gray skin and eyes. Candy corn horns. It could be worse. If there is one thing that SBURB taught you, it is that anything can always be worse. </p>
<p>You do not have your Godtier powers anymore. That... is less than ideal. You can only assume that your conditional immortality left along with your ability to control the Breath. Dream selves are also out of the picture. Unfortunately, that means no second chances. Death is actually the end now. Sort of.</p>
<p>You still have your retcon powers. You have <i>definitely</i> used them before to change circumstances and bring others back to life. It just will not do you any good if you are the one who ends up as a corpse. On the plus side, you had zero intention of being murdered anytime soon. Future you proves that you will be okay for at least a few minutes longer.</p>
<p>Wait, what was future you doing hanging around? You know that you retcon in the near future (he had still been wearing this stupid overly-large black shirt), but you are not quite sure why. Nothing seems that urgent. It is not until the drones are done that you figure it out.</p>
<p>"Hive completed per your specifications," the robot voice tells you. "Per your blood designation, no further assistance will be provided should damages occur." </p>
<p>Blood designation? Wait, your specifications? Well, you suppose that makes sense. You had to go back to tell the robots what to build or else you would not have a house to wake up to. At least this particular time loop is stable and straight forward. Ugh, you wish you could take a nap first, though. Instead, you gather your energy and-</p>
<p>
  <b> ==&gt; HOM3. </b>
</p>
<p>You appear just off to the side of past you and your white rabbit-monster. Parent. Pet. Thing. Bunnydad, you decide suddenly. Anyway, you retcon yourself into existence next to an asleep version of you and Bunnydad. His enormous ears point straight up in alarm and then flap this way and that like he was marshalling an aircraft. Oh wow, that is cute! Well, he is probably trying to talk to you, but that is also really cute! He probably is trying to say something like 'HOW COME THERE ARE TWO OF YOU NOW?!'</p>
<p>"Hey, Bunnydad!" you cheerfully greet him. "Don't worry. I'll go back to my point in time once we get things started here. I've got to help you pick a nice spot to build our new home!"</p>
<p>In response he flaps his ears again. This time his movements seem less frantic, but he is still adorable. You giggle. The lighthearted mood is ruined when the thin robot approaches. Well, you suppose this spot is good enough. </p>
<p>You spend the next half-hour describing in great detail your old house and exactly the way you want it and how the light should angle through the window just so. The carpenter drone takes everything in stride and simply works away as you chat. When there is quite a bit of progress made, you simply float idly above the picket fence. You so need to put a tire swing in the back yard. That is important. You need a place to go brood that is actually outdoors. </p>
<p>Eventually asleep-you begins to stir. You hang around just long enough to give a friendly wave before you zap back to your original place on the timeline. First retcon shenanigans complete with minimal headache. You will count that as a win. However, the first thing on your agenda is some more sleep. Your previous nap had done nothing to relieve your migraine. There is something you feel like you are forgetting, though.</p>
<p>The strange object in the corner that previously held your bed gives you pause. That is not your comfy mattress and comforter. What it appears to be instead is some sort of semi-organic vat of green goo. You edge a bit closer. Urgh, it looks like snot. Do you get in fully clothed or... Fuck it. All you are wearing is the stupid giant shirt anyway. Later you can go shopping for more clothes. </p>
<p>Hauling yourself up and over the rim of the eerily cocoon-shaped contraption takes a lot more out of you than you would ever admit. Troll you is a fucking lightweight. Resolving to work out until you can wield a sledgehammer again, you hesitantly lower yourself into the lukewarm slime. It glops around you in hideously gross noises. Lovely. Still, it is weirdly comfortable enough that you do not want to bother with trying to climb out right now.</p>
<p>Just do not think about it, you decide. There is no sense dwelling on things that you cannot change. Especially not when you feel as much like shit as you currently do. An enormous pile of dragon turds. It takes some time, but eventually you do fall into blissful sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Elitism</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When you wake up, you decide that the first thing you need to do is find the others. This involves getting a husktop (definitely too alien to be simply called a computer... also too fleshy) set up on your desk. A task that really should not take half the evening but does anyway. By the time you are booting it up, you are already wanting to tear your hair out in frustration.</p>
<p>'Authorized access to burgundyblood sites and schoolfeeds only,' the screen informs you. Right before, 'Please choose a sign.'</p>
<p>Oh. Right. The hemospectrum was still a thing. A dumb thing, but a thing nonetheless. You groan both inwardly and outwardly. You do not remember much about the blood color thing, but something tells you that learning about it is the only way you are going to survive the upcoming tasks. A bunch of different red letters fill the screen. </p>
<p>There are so many of them. So. Many. All of them look vaguely alike if you squint. Which you sort of have to do because you still have not ordered glasses yet. Bluh. Then you see one that looks a bit like a stylized J mirrored. Something in your head just clicks and you tap that symbol. </p>
<p>"Arus, Sign of the Wanderer" it informs you. </p>
<p>You snort. Fitting. That will work for your government mandated identifier. That done, the electronic finally finishes loading your home screen. Ugh. What is all this malware shit. Advertisements? You are so learning how to program as soon as possible to try and make this refuse slightly less awful. Just looking at it is making your migraine start to rear its ugly head again. </p>
<p>Right. Not important. Trollnet, though, is important. You pull up your internet analog and download your Pesterchum replacement. It takes a while, but eventually you are given the prompt to create a new account. You pause. EctoBiologist simply looks wrong written in rust colored font. You try different variants of reds before deciding that perhaps simple black is the way to go. </p>
<p>The first nasty surprise you get is that Jade and Dave do not yet have their usernames chosen. Okay, no big deal. At least tentacleTherapist is still an option. </p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">ectoBiologist [EB] began trolling tentacleTherapist</span>
  <span class="rose">  [TT] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: oh thank goodness you made it too! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i was beginning to get a little worried that you had somehow not ended up with me and dave.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: just saying, it would really suck to not have the one person who probably knows what is going on.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: aaaand you're likely afk right now since you haven't responded. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: shit! i should try and find some of our trolls.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i will send your cool alien girlfriend your way once i locate her.</span>
</p>
<p>Then you realize that you do not actually know her chum handle. Whelp. That might be a problem. In fact, you remember very few of the usernames that the trolls used. The only ones you can get close enough for the search function to work would be Karkat's and Vriska's... and only one of whom do you actually want to subject yourself to a conversation with.</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">ectoBiologist [EB] began trolling carcinoGeneticist</span>
  <span class="karkat"> [CG]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: karkat!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: A;OZXCV/LKJ</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: boy am i glad you are online!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: do you have any of your friends' online handles memorized?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: because i am going to have a hard time finding kanaya otherwise.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHO ARE YOU AND HOW THE FUCK DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: ha ha, very funny.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: look at these exclamations of human mirth!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: random quotes from our previous conversations aside, i am being perfectly serious with you.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i cannot remember her username. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i think it contained the word grim in it. as in grimdark.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I AM BEING PERFECTLY SERIOUS WITH YOU IN RETURN.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: FUCK OFF, HACKER. AND STAY AWAY FROM MY ACCOUNT.</span>
</p>
<p><span class="pesterlog">carcinoGeneticist</span><span class="karkat"> [CG] </span> <span class="pesterlog"> has blocked ectoBiologist [EB] ! </span></p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: rude!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">carcinoGeneticist</span>
  <span class="karkat"> [CG] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">did not receive this message! </span>
</p>
<p>No matter what options you try, none of your comments will go through. That must have been an extension that the trolls' resident programmer made. You sort of know of him, but you do not think you ever really talked to him. You think he had mustard colored font. Actually, that would have made him a... A goldblood, a quick search tells you.</p>
<p>There are a lot of things Trollipedia tells you. Alternia is a planet with a blood based caste system. You are all the way at the bottom. Yikes. The veritable rainbow of contacts annoying you before SBURB began starts to make sense. Hemotyping is the word for it. It is with a wince that you realize how high up on the scale Terezi and Vriska are- which actually makes a lot of sense when you start to consider how entitled they were when you chatted. </p>
<p>Weirdly, Karkat's gray text does not seem to fit anywhere on the scale. Huh. After confirming that hemoanonymity is a thing that people commonly do online (including you by extension, having chosen black text), you realize that even his shirt was monotone when you finally saw him in person. That is a lot of dedication to remaining unknown on the imaginary prosperity scale. Which also has some biological consequences, actually.</p>
<p>The bad news seems to be that your lifespan is complete shit. How long is a sweep again? Whelp. Fuck. That is not a lot of years. Thirty to fifty. Wow. That... really sucks. Good news is you are apparently not prone to homicidal rages. How is that even a thing? Troll society is stupid if the royalty all want to kill everyone. Your body temperature is the hottest of all the castes; okay that is neat you guess. HOLY SHIT YOU HAVE PSYCHIC POWERS!</p>
<p>At this point Rose finally sees fit to answer you.</p>
<p>
  <span class="rose">TT: Yøu appear tø be under the delusiøn that the twø øf us knøw each øther. While nørmally I wøuld løve the chance tø dig thrøugh yøur psyche and discøver what the underlying issue actually is, I am currently very busy nøt being harassed by a trøll. Nør dø I have an alien girlfriend. Actually, alien ør øtherwise. Which is nøt an admissiøn øf fault, as I am still very yøung and have plenty øf time tø find quadrantmates. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i'm not a troll! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: well, i mean, i guess i am now. but this is a recent development! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Alsø, as an aside, I wøuld recømmend cømmitting tø hemøtyping if yøu dø nøt want tø be mistaken as some kind øf surveillance. Yøu dø nøt even have a discernable typing quirk. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: a kind of what now? </span>
</p>
<p><span class="pesterlog">tentacleTherapist</span> <span class="rose">[TT]</span> <span class="pesterlog"> has blocked ectoBiologist [EB] ! </span></p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: what the fuck. </span>
</p>
<p><span class="pesterlog">tentacleTherapist </span><span class="rose"> [TT] </span> <span class="pesterlog">has not received this message! </span></p>
<p>Frowning at the screen, you hesitate. This is not at all how you imagined your first conversations after The Game would go. Excitement and relief were what you expected. Not guarded curtness and threats. Then both of them had blocked you without even explaining themselves. It was almost like they did not even know you!</p>
<p>Oh.</p>
<p>Oh fuck.</p>
<p>Oh fuck no!</p>
<p>Of all the things The FUCKING Game could do, you think this might be the worst one. If everyone else no longer remembers what happened during SBURB (or even being human)... that means you are all alone. None of your friends will be able to reminisce with you about everything you have been through. Actually, now that you think about it, there is a huge chunk of time missing anyway with you being from a different timeline where you did not blow up on a miniature planet. Stupid retcons.</p>
<p>At a loss, you consider your options. You could attempt to retcon your way out of this entire situation, but going back to the previous universe seemed like a rather poor idea considering it was in the middle of being destroyed by Lord English. Also it would be cruel irony if you went through all that effort just to have the endgame door lead you right back here. Dying by universe collapse is an experience you are not particularly keen on repeating.</p>
<p>You suppose you could attempt to browbeat your friends into accepting you. Karkat and Rose might have blocked you, but you could always make another account and try again. Either that or find the goldblood programmer and convince him to take your side. (You have no doubt that you will be unable to code a solution yourself.) Something about forcing them to tolerate your existence smacks a little too much like the niggling thoughts that always plagued you when you bothered your much cooler and more interesting companions.</p>
<p>Perhaps just starting over is the right choice. Make new friends, have a whole new life, and pretend that none of the bullshit you have survived ever happened. Surprisingly this idea is extremely tempting. You already had one chance to be a part of something bigger and better than just you, and look where that ended. Quitting while you are ahead is a valid option.</p>
<p>"Hey, idiot," someone startles you from your thoughts.</p>
<p>Jerking to attentiveness, you look up to find... yourself? This troll version of you seems to be from further in the future than the last one. A bit taller than you are, his rectangle glasses glint in the moonlight. The symbol you had just chosen is on his black shirt for all to see. And he has pants! This you is apparently much better off than current you. </p>
<p>"Right now you are still trying to figure out what to do," he says, and even his voice is slightly changed. Deeper, you think. More raspy. "Don't worry about it too much. I mean, you can't fuck up too bad since I'm here to give you some advice."</p>
<p>"Yeah?" you sound positively childish in comparison.</p>
<p>"Yeah," grins future-you. "Starting with getting your priorities sorted. Order glasses and clothes and other essentials now. Then move on to learning everything you can about Alternia and trolls. It's the only thing that is going to help you stay alive long enough to become me. And trust me, it gets good enough that you'll want that to happen."</p>
<p>You nod, thinking that everything he is saying thus far makes perfect sense. Logical steps to get your life back into order. Or you suppose your new life into order. Whatever. Semantics are dumb. </p>
<p>"After that, you should try online forums," he continues. "Don't worry about finding everyone. Eventually, they will find you. Try to remember that all communications are monitored to some extent. We've slipped up once or twice, but nothing so bad as to be unfixable. The rest will work itself out in time."</p>
<p>"Okay, but what is the goal here?" you ask, brow furrowed. "I mean, we just get dropped off on a different planet as an alien to... live out our pathetically short life? If this is The Game's idea of godhood for a new universe, I want a refund."</p>
<p>He bursts into delighted laughter, "Don't we all! Sadly, we will have to make do with the consolation prize of a re-do for our gray buddies' lives. And... this is a second chance for them. We can't let them squander it by making the same mistakes." Seeing your confusion, he sobers, "Remember how a lot of them died during their session of The Game? Well, apparently that shit started before they even downloaded SGRUB."</p>
<p>"Oh." Frowning, you try to remember who was even left at the end. Not very many. Four trolls (you think?) out of the dozen or so that plagued you. That is a pretty shit survival rate. If you want to keep them alive, you have your work cut out for you.</p>
<p>"Yeah, they need a lot of help," agrees future-you. "The good news is that The Game, may it burn in Hell for eternity, left us one tool at our disposal. I suppose technically two if you count our memories."</p>
<p>"Right!" you brighten. "Retcon powers! That makes this whole thing a little more doable. If I fail..."</p>
<p>"You just try again," he finishes. "And in some cases, again and again. But one thing at a time." He leans over your smaller frame and messes with the computer for a moment, "Here. This is a site you want to keep handy. It is a catalogue for rustblood merchandise. It won't have any of the really good shit on it, but you can at least get the basics."</p>
<p>The website he pulled up is surprisingly less horrible than your home screen. You have <i>got</i> to get that fixed. However, the tabs of the online store are distracting you. Clothing is really cheap, even if it is all generic monotone stuff. You can even easily afford a wardrobe of shirts with your sign on it. Nice! </p>
<p>When you look up to thank yourself, he is already gone. Huh. You must be much better at ninja-retcons in the future. Still, that was really nice of him to come back here just to give you a pep talk. Except now you are wondering how you will know when the right time is to come back yourself and have the same conversation with past you. Ugh, time shenanigans suck. </p>
<p>You turn back to the husktop and diligently select a sufficient number of clothes. Then you move on to glasses. You are a little worried about how you are going to figure out what prescription you need until an online vision test appears. Convenient! From there you realize that things like a "thermal hull" and "crisprange" are actually weird terms for things you recognize and need. The kitchen downstairs is very empty at the moment. </p>
<p>It is not until you are done with your spending spree that you decide to try and contact just one more person. You know it will not involve any useful information, but a part of you cannot give up trying to talk some sense into her one last time.</p>
<p> </p>
<p><span class="pesterlog">ectoBIologist [EB] began trolling arachnidsGrip</span> <span class="vriska"> [AG] </span></p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: hi there.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i know you don't remember me, but we used to know each other. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i would call us friends, but you were kind of a gigantic bitch who ruined everything for our entire session and your own.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: still, you tried really hard to be the awesomest ever while you were making all those horrible decisions.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i just wanted to tell you that you already are awesome. you don't need to prove anything to anyone. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: You must have huge shame glo8es to talk like that to a 8lue8lood like me. Especially in hemoanonymity. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Also, of course I don't have to prove anything! Everyone already knows how awesome I am!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: err, right. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: anyway, that is all i wanted to say.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Really? That is it? You trolled me just to issue vague comments that... actually are a little pale. Eww. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: ew is right! i am not interested in that kind of relationship with you. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: or any kind of relationship with you, actually. or anyone else for that matter.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: !!!!!!!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Are you stupid?! Typing that in a chat is a weakslime gru8 mistake!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: well, i did literally emerge from the cavern trials last night.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: I was just playing around, you dum8 pupa! Drones read these conversations, you know.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Sheesh! If I were you, I would never try to contact me again.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: And may8e make a whole new account while you are at it!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: that bad?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: You might literally die!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: oh.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Honestly, it is like you stupid low8loods are actually trying to get yourselves killed. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Just go explore Trollipedia for a while 8efore you try to troll anyone again.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: i think this is the first time you have ever offered me sound advice. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: This is the first time I have ever spoken to you at all!!!!!!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: oh, right. that. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: well, thank you for your wisdom, oh great highblood.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">EB: by the way, that was only seven exclamation points. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Fuck you too, 8uddy. </span>
</p>
<p><span class="pesterlog">arachnidsGrip</span> <span class="vriska"> [AG]</span> <span class="pesterlog">has blocked ectoBiologist [EB] </span></p>
<p>Heh, that was a little fun. Also, she gave you some sound advice. It was pretty much what future-you had already hinted at before. You definitely trust him a lot more than you trust her at the moment. With your last bit of allowencollection, you buy all the schoolfeeds you can get your grubby little hands on. Knowledge is power. </p>
<p>You spend the next few weeks in a cycle. Get up, shower, eat, get schoolfed, eat, play with Bunnydad, do some more schoolfeeds, eat, abjure baked goods from Bunnydad, goof off on the trollnet, then go back to sleep. Through it all, your understanding of the world around you expands. Geography and (highly edited) history and complex math and a bit of programming cross the screen. Even though you never had patience for school before, you try your best to absorb as much of the information as possible. </p>
<p>On the internet you learn about wipes and perigees and sweeps. You learn about drones and filial pails. The hemospectrum gets more scrutiny as you pore over all the different castes and what to expect when dealing with them. It turns out Vriska's mind control powers are fairly rare. (Also some goldbloods can shoot lasers, so awesome!) Once again, you learn about quadrants, but this time you actually pay attention because this shit is relevant now. </p>
<p>It does not take long for you to want to talk to some people, though. When going outside proved fruitless (and potentially dangerous), you once again turn to your husktop. Your future self said something about online forums. That seemed like a good place to start. However, it also brought up the dilemma of what to do for your new handle. After everything you have learned, only one username seemed both ironic and fitting.</p>
<p>You type ghostyTrickster into your account info and smile. As a burgundyblood, you had half expected to meet a slew of the recently departed already. Sadly, you have yet to see a single spirit. You wonder if that is because your neighborhood is fairly quiet and none of the nearby hives are empty yet. Still, the nickname suits both past you and current you well. </p>
<p>A few of the threads immediately catch your eye. You join one that proclaims to be a rustblood commiseration chat, another that discusses how to deal with ghosts once they decide to move in to your hive, and a movie critic one. Then you dive into online contact with the same wild abandon that you do everything else. Even if the trolls you are talking to are strangers, it is nice to not be entirely on your own. </p>
<p>Typing quirks turn out to be complicated things. Everyone seems to get upset when you try to mimic their own 'brand' of uselessly complicated keyboard smashes. Sheesh. At least Karkat just wrote in all caps. Some of these assholes are nigh unintelligible. However, you eventually settle on one that tickles your prankster fancy. It is so amazing, you are not quite sure why you did not think of it before.</p>
<p>
  <span class="terezi">BB: The concepts of BBrutality against seaddwellers are fully explored in Two greenBBlood moirails escape persecution BBy retreating to an island on an alien planet composed mostly of salt water, BBut the purpleBBlood matesprit SuBBjuggulator of the lead follows them when she hears that the waters contain a violetBBlood bent on ridding his territory of all landdwellers which results in a typical BBloodfeud that only ends when BBoth of them are dead. Contains no less than three cullings; one of which can BBe construed as humorous; thirteen explosions, several examples of appropriate acceptance of various rolls within the hemospectrum, one example of hemodesecration, and two passionate scenes of reuniting with a quadrantmate thought to BBe dead. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (yeah, except that movie is hoofbeast excrement.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">BB: As I was saying, the film is simply the BBest. Classic land versus sea divide. </span>
</p>
<p>Yeah, this is the best thing ever. You can basically type whatever you want and most people ignore it completely. Or if they do respond, it is always with passive aggressive comments. The amount of snide comments and outright snark you get away with are astonishing. You are pretty sure you would already be on someone's list to cull if you were not using the parentheses. Burgundybloods can only get away with so much, even online.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, you are quick to realize that not everyone is as lucky. Especially hanging out in the rustblood commiseration chat. The topic of death and dying is almost as prevalent there as the ghost threads. It is worrisome when you consider you have no idea how the others are faring on Alternia. </p>
<p>
  <span class="tavros">AT: hAS ANYONE HEARD FROM lg LATELY? i AM BEGINNING TO GET WORRIED,,, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="NP">NP: Nowing her, Probably goNe for good.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: unfortunately i can confirm. she is indeed a ghost </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="PG">PG: another one 6ites the dust... </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (that is unfortunate.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (⊡⌓⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: yES, sAD FACE INDEED, i AGREE WITH GHOSTYtRICKSTER, aLTHOUGH RIGHT NOW THEIR USERNAME IS A BIT OFFPUTTING, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: oh shush!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: their trolltag is no more grim than mine or most the others </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="NP">NP: seems like more aNd more of us are goNe each day. </span>
</p>
<p>It does not take a lot of brain cells to figure out what is going on. The bottom of the social ladder here does not mean simply hurt feelings like it did in middle school. Here it means systematic oppression and senseless slaughter. There is a good reason you are avoiding contact with other trolls in meatspace. With your pathetic psychic powers, there is a high probability that you will die. </p>
<p>Actually, that makes you wonder... What if you are broken? You had only ever seen the rustbloods in dreambubbles, but you are pretty sure that both of them had really powerful abilities. Maybe they only made it long enough to join The Game because they were so strong to begin with. It takes a long time for you to work up the courage to bring the subject up in the threads.</p>
<p>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (what psychic feats are you most proud of thus far?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="PG">PG: interesting change of topic. i am 6asically a6le to make my lusus do whatever i want. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: i have lifted large objects and hurled them at foes!! it is really fun and an effective deterrent to wouldbe hive invaders. although i miss my meal vault </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i AM PRACTICING MY SKILLS ON FIDUSPAWN, wHICH PROVE TO BE QUITE REWARDING, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="NP">NP: i caN Pick uP objects about twice my weight.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: wHAT ABOUT YOU, gt?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: hOW BIG OF OBJECTS CAN YOU LIFT? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (man, i wish i was that good.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (mostly i just practice flying.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="NP">NP: you meaN levitatiNg?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: i can do that as well!! it is a handy skill but perhaps not as impressive for fighting</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="PG">PG: huh. i have never heard of a 6urgundy who can levitate 6ut not lift other o6jects. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="NP">NP: i haveN't either. Pretty sucky to Not be able to use ProPer telekiNesis.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (yeah...)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: iT IS NOT A GOOD SIGN, mAYBE, fOR YOUR LONGTERM SURVIVAL,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: dont listen to them gt</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: i am sure it will get easier with practice!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="NP">NP: you were just blessed with excessive taleNt, aa. Not everyoNe is as lucky.</span>
</p>
<p>After that, the conversation naturally turns to other things. You are greatly relieved. Thus far you have not seen a single ghost or been able to move objects since the cavern trials. In fact, the only evidence that you are not a complete psychic null is the fact you float practically everywhere. It is second nature for you to simply levitate to reach things that are placed too high for your stupidly small and frail body. </p>
<p>There is still time. If there is one thing you have plenty of, it is nights and nights and nights of doldrums to combat. You learn Alternian grammar easily and decide to move on to learning how to code for fun. When you want to move, you work out your body and mind at the same time by applying your weak psychic powers to attempting to help wield a sledgehammer as a weapon. (It is so fucking heavy now.) </p>
<p>When wielding the hammer gets boring, you create a new fighting style. Armored greaves make your kicks much more dangerous, and Bunnydad is thrilled to have something to teach you. You also take some anatomy and medicine courses online. Each task is approached with the single-minded intention to better yourself. After all, knowledge is power. </p>
<p>Before you know it, a whole sweep has passed you by. Your wriggling day is 'celebrated' by your lusus attempting to feed you a metric fuckton of grubloaves. You do not even like the pasty-ish confections. Just thinking of them is enough to churn your stomach. The whole time Bunnydad just flops his ears at you in a way that screams 'I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, SON.' Ridiculously embarrassing. </p>
<p>Still, it has been a long time. You worry about your formerly human friends. Future-you had only said that they would find you with time, and so you had never really gone looking for them. However, it has been approximately two years. Patience is a virtue that you have run out of entirely. Knowing that if you contact them out of the blue they will be suspicious, you decide to instead go looking at forums where they might hang out with other online acquaintances. </p>
<p>After a few nights of stalking, you realize that there is just no way you can interact with them. Your burgundyblood access to trollnet is extremely limited, and you cannot even get on sites that cater specifically to midbloods and higher. Flexing your programming experience, you do manage to hack your way on enough to at least read what others are posting. However, eventually it is clear that you will have to wait for your friends to appear on their own. </p>
<p>Weeks drag by and still nothing. You begin to withdraw from socialization of any kind. Lingering online in case one of them contacts you, you rarely contribute to the threads anymore. It is as if you are locked in some sort of cycle of watching and waiting, all your hopes crashing down around you each time the alert ping is someone else. What surprises you are the trolls you met noticing a change.</p>
<p>
  <span class="aradia">AA: lately you have been quiet a lot gt </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: well i mean more than usual</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: tHAT IS, uM, VERY TRUE, nORMALLY YOU ARE MORE ACTIVE. eSPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO MOVIES, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: aND I AM STARTING TO WORRY THAT YOU ARE DEAD, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (it's nothing.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">BB: What is even the point of talking to someone who BBarely says anything? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">BB: Anyway, you lowBBloods invaded our film discussion to have an intervention? Rude. No one cares aBBout your lame hatefriend. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Øn the cøntrary, I am quite interested in what is gøing øn with their pøssibly mute acquaintance. </span>
</p>
<p>You nearly have a bloodpusher attack right then and there. The username tentacleTherapist is the wrong color, but you know it can only be one person. Rose! With a weird quirk maybe, but you have one of those too now so you have no room to judge. </p>
<p>
  <span class="tavros">AT: gt IS NOT MUTE, nOR DOES HE, uM, hAVE ANY DISABILITIES THAT MAY MAKE HIM MORE SUSCEPTIBLE TO BEING CULLED, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I apøløgize if I have øffended ør implied that he was nøt fit tø serve the empire. I merely was stating that his silence and yøur respønse was intriguing. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Is he a gøød friend øf yøurs? Ør perhaps a quadrantmate?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: he is just a companion we enjoy talking to online</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: yEAH, nO. jOHNNY IS NOT IN OUR QUADRANTS,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">BB: Who would want a BBurgundyBBlood dragging their quadrants through the mud anyway?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (#⊡ Д ⊡)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (rude.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (some rusts are awesome. aa for example is amazing with her powers.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">BB: Still a troll on the BBottom rung of society.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I believe that yøur ire is quite unwarranted, BB. This discussiøn døes nøt invølve yøu. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Sø what is it abøut GT that has the twø øf yøu cøncerned?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: hE STOPPED RESPONDING TO US TWO WEEKS AGO</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">BB: This thread is for critiquing movies. So kindly take your emotional BBullshit elsewhere.</span>
</p>
<p>Finally! Someone with some sense putting a stop to the situation. Much to your consternation, the two other rustbloods simply send her an invite to your commiseration chat. You hope that the other lowbloods are not upset at a blueblood being in their safe place. Ugh, they are still talking about you like you are not here.</p>
<p>
  <span class="tavros">AT: aNYWAY, gt HAS RECENTLY BECOME A, uH, rECLUSIVE PERSON, wHICH IS NOT THE USUAL TROLL WE KNOW, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: normally we would assume that someone in our caste range had simply died but i had no ghost who knew of his passing </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="NP">NP: is this about gt agaiN?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: indeed!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: we hope to get him back on track before he actually does get culled</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: This is søunding rather severe. Are there any clues that might pøint tø his sudden change in demeanør? Perhaps the løss øf a lusus ør sømeøne cløse tø him?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="NP">NP: is that a fuckiNg iNdigoblood??? NoPe. i'm out. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (i did not lose my lusus!)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: hE DOES NOT HAVE, mAYBE, aNYONE CLOSE TO HIM BESIDES US i THINK, aT LEAST HE DOES NOT MENTION ANYONE,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: If yøu have nøt had any fights that explain his reluctance tø cømmunicate, then I wøuld assume that his depressiøn is stemming frøm sømething in his persønal life. Ør lack thereøf. Døes he ever talk abøut any øutdøør høbbies ør recreatiønal pursuits øf any kind?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i DO NOT THINK SO,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (i am not depressed!!)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: An appreciatiøn øf filmøgraphy øf questiønable value aside, he døes not appear tø have many gøals ør interests. Has this affected his ability tø sleep at all? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: he has been logged on for four nights straight without going offline or even idle once </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: if he had not done this before i might have already considered him a rather obtuse ghost </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i THINK HE, pERHAPS, aLSO ONLY EATS WHEN HIS LUSUS FORCES HIM TO,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: This is indeed seriøus. Getting him invølved with prøjects will help until he finds sømething that is unique tø him. Passiøn is impørtant tø living a fulfilling life. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: oh i have an idea!!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: gt you should join us on our new flarp campaign!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i HAD ALMOST FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (a what now?)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: fATAL LIVE ACTION ROLEPLAYING, }:) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: it is quite fun and cathartic </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: practicing your psychic powers and how to wield weapons is about as active as one can get </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: aND TROLLS ONLY DIE WHEN THEY GO UP AGAINST THINGS AT A MUCH HIGHER LEVEL THAN THEY ARE, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: wE ARE TEAM CHARGE, aBOUT TO FACE OFF WITH THE NOTORIOUS SCOURGE SISTERS, wHO ARE TWO BLUEBLOODS, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Three against twø døes nøt seem spørting. Perhaps I shøuld løøk intø this game as well. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: tHEY WOULD HAVE A THIRD MEMBER, bUT HE, uM, iS A JERK,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: you mean a seadwelling douche </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: anyway i will have to send you some manuals for flarping gt!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i CAN SEND HIM SOME BEGINNERS WEAPONS, tOO, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (i'm not getting out of this, am i?)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: nope!!! :D </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: If yøu cøuld send me the handles øf the Scøurge Sisters, I will wørk øn preparing myself as well. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i THINK i HAVE VRISKA'S SAVED, i COULD PM IT TO YOU, </span>
</p>
<p>Oh. Well, you suppose you had to face her again at some point. As an enemy on the other team of a potentially deadly game is not where you would have chosen, though. Wait. Did that mean that your online companions were trolls from SBURB? Or perhaps they were simply nobodies that Vriska had killed before The Game. </p>
<p>You... do not know how you feel about that. AA and AT are the closest thing you have had to friends for the past sweep. Even as others have come and gone, they had remained. Even if she was a part of your session, you will not allow a single misguided blueblood to take them away from you. And Rose on the battlefield makes things even more complicated. Especially if she is indeed an indigoblood. </p>
<p>Glancing over to your sledgehammer, you frown. It had been slow going, but you are now able to swing your chosen weapon with ease. What could potentially be a problem is the fact it does not exactly grow with you. There is no way to alchemize it with another object to get a more powerful hammer. In a life-or-death game, you are pretty sure this simple item is going to be a hindrance. </p>
<p>The group browbeats you into logging off so you can get some shut eye while they finish planning. Since there is not much else to do in your hive, you comply. Feeling a bit dizzy, you clamber into your recuperacoon and immediately fall asleep.</p>
<p>The dreams suck, as they always do. Then again, you were plagued by nightmares of harlequins long before the actual session began. Really you have given up on ever having normal sleep. Still, when you stub your toe on a heavy object immediately upon waking up, you swear and squint blearily at it in frustration. Then you realize what it is.</p>
<p>Sitting atop an empty strife specibus card is your old Warhammer of Zillyhoo in all its rainbow glory. As you pick it up, you revel in the feel of it in your hands. You had almost forgotten how balanced it was during a swing. You have no idea how AT managed it, but you are never using another hammer ever again. (Especially since the Vrillyhoo Pop-o-Matic is likely gone for good.) With this, you are ready to take on anything Vriska can throw at you.</p>
<p>Time to kick some ass.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Equanimity</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You stare at the cup, willing it to raise even an inch. Despite your growing frustration, it only trembles a bit before tipping over. Ugh! This is so stupid! Besides reading the immensely huge manuals, the only advice your fellow flarpers had was to maybe practice your psychic powers. Not for the session, of course, but so that you would have something to do until it started. </p>
<p>Glancing at the time again, you decide that maybe being a bit early is not all that bad. The game grub you activate lays some eggs. Ew. They quickly hatch into the Flapstractions that will provide the holograms and data for the campaign. After scanning you, the Stat Bat rolls up your vital statistics. Huh. Your gauge for strength is surprisingly high for your class. Almost immediately you begin getting message alert pings.</p>
<p><span class="pesterlog">arachnidsGrip</span><span class="vriska"> [AG] </span> <span class="pesterlog">began trolling ghostyTrickster</span> <span class="aradia"> [GT] </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: Just what do you think you are doing, 8u8? </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: I know the others said you were new to this, 8ut you have to w8 until your Clouder is ready!</span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: Sheesh!</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (sorry?)</span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: I will let it slide just this once since you are a new8ie. </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: Weird. Your stats seem off for a 8urgundy8lood. </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: Hang on just a sec while I check that your Stat 8at is not malfunctioning. Don't move! </span></p>
<p>Having nothing better to do before the session actually begins, you shrug and wait. The flapping squeakbeasts are a bit annoying. You are not quite at migraine level, but it would not take much more to tip the scales. A welcome distraction comes in the form of another chat opening.</p>
<p><span class="pesterlog">apocalypse Arisen</span> <span class="aradia"> [AA] </span> <span class="pesterlog"> began trolling ghostyTrickster</span> <span class="aradia"> [GT] </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: you are early!! </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: i have barely gotten everything set up for the other team </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: i imagine the scourge sisters are the same </span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (〣⊡ ~ ⊡) </span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (yeah. vriska already yelled at me for joining too soon.) </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: just a few moments more and our holograms will be up </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: i will troll the others now and tell them to join the session </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: i look forward to seeing what you look like!! </span></p>
<p>Oh right. Everyone gets holograms of the other players in the session so that you can all keep track of what everyone else is doing. It is handy for games like this where multiple trolls fight enemies, but also has a rather interesting ability for you to sort of hang out with your online buddies in person. Alternian technology really is the best.</p>
<p>When the first transparent troll appears, you are speechless. Standing there with normal eyes and a fanged smile is none other than Terezi. Even without the red glasses, you would recognize those pointy horns anywhere. Then you realize you are an idiot because of course Vriska would play Flarp (and eventually SGURB) with her friends. </p>
<p>You ignore her eyeing you up and down in favor of viewing the second troll hologram. The surge of relief you feel is enough to make your knees weak. Rose has arrived in all her blueblood glory. Your best friend was always taller and more elegant than you, but now there is a palpable aura of command that her very presence seems steeped in. Her elegant arrow-tipped horns have a gentle curve to them that makes you slightly envious. </p>
<p>Your team members appear as a girl with curling ram horns and a boy with ridiculous things that look like they belong on a Texas longhorn bull. Wait. You know these two. The first was the red pixie who escorted everyone around dreambubbles. The second is Tavros. Strangely you do not feel the same ire towards him as when you used to interact with his dead version. Amazing what not fighting over the same girl (or more appropriately the gold ring you needed) does for first impressions. </p>
<p>The last to appear is your Clouder herself. Seeing Vriska in pirate-themed attire is so weird after everything you all have been through. Although you suppose you are the only one who is having intense moments of relief mixed with déjà vu. Suddenly a pinging sets off your palmhusk. Drat. Looks like talking without a keyboard is still not going to happen for a while.</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">apocalypseArisen</span>
  <span class="aradia"> [AA] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">, ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="aradia"> [GT] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">, adiosToreador</span>
  <span class="tavros"> [AT]</span>
  <span class="pesterlog"> , gallowsCalibrator</span>
  <span class="terezi"> [GC] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">, arachnidsGrip</span>
  <span class="vriska"> [AG]</span>
  <span class="pesterlog"> , and tentacleTherapist</span>
  <span class="rose"> [TT] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">have joined the campaign!</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="aradia">AA: whoa gt </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: N1C3 R4CK, LOWBLOOD!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: uM, iT IS WEIRD THAT FOR ONCE i AM NOT SURE IF THAT WAS AIMED AT ME OR NOT,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: It is løvely tø finally meet yøu all, in a manner øf speaking.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Enough chitchat! Let's get this session started!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (hi guys!)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡)ノ</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">GC: WHY BOTH3R TYP1NG 4N 3MOT1CON WH3N W3 C4N S33 YOUR F4C3?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Althøugh redundant, it is sømewhat endearing.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: nOT TO BE RUDE, bUT i THINK YOUR STAT BAT IS MALFUNCTIONING, gt,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: those vital statistics do seem to be rather off</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Actually, I just checked his Stat 8at and it is perfectly functional.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Your friend GT is just literally that 8adass.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: That strength gauge thøugh...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (i work out for fun.)</span>
</p>
<p>With a grin, you heft your warhammer over your shoulder. You do not miss the way everyone's eyes track the movement, then skitter from your arms to your shoulders. Even if you are short, you have really worked your ass off to be one <i>solid</i> motherfucker. It is sort of awkward to have everyone staring, though. And... blushing? Yikes, time to move this along.</p>
<p>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (i am afraid i never caught your name, aa.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: oh dear!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: how silly of me</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: i am aradia</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (and at is tavros.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: tHAT IS RIGHT, aLTHOUGH I DO NOT REMEMBER TELLING YOU THAT,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (i think it was in the forum somewhere.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (our clouder is vriska, and the tealblood is terezi. they make up the scourge sisters.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Cørrect, except that I nøw am a member as well. My name is Røsean. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: SH3 1S OUR N3W3ST M3MB3R. 1 4M 3XP3CT1NG GR34T TH1NGS FROM H3R!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (i think that's everyone, then.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Wroooooooong!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: You still haven't given us your name, pupa! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: yEAH, yOU NEVER INTRODUCED YOURSELF,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (oh, i'm johnny.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: NOW 3V3RYON3 KNOWS ALL TH3 PL4Y3RS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: nice to finally meet you johnny!!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Greetings.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Now that is out of the way, let's 8egin!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Aradia and I have 8oth hidden treasure for the opposite team to find somewhere on this game area. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: as such vriska and i will not be participating directly in the session</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: You have to 8e the first pair to find the treasure to win. Easy, right?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I assume øne must alsø battle the mønsters they encøunter aløng the way?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: gENERALLY, yES, bUT YOU CAN ALSO ABSCOND IF THE BATTLE IS TOO TOUGH,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: You would know, Pupa Pan! There hasn't 8een a fight yet that you couldn't run from.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: i would suggest discussing strategy in private with your team member as your clouder will be preoccupied </span>
</p>
<p>That makes a lot of sense! As you pull up another chat with Tavros, you watch the two Scourge Sisters dart away in opposite directions. It appears they are employing a divide and conquer strategy. Not a bad idea when dealing with a new team member where the ability to work together effectively is minimal at best. Besides, they are probably going to run into personality conflicts soon.</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="aradia"> [GT] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">began trolling adiosToreador </span>
  <span class="tavros"> [AT] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (okay, so we aren't too bad of a matchup.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (i suggest we stick together instead of splitting up like the other team.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: wHY IS THAT?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (because i am a close range fighter whereas your lances can be thrown to be more midrange.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (cover me as i get close to the enemies and then i can take them down.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: yOU SURE ARE PRETTY CONFIDENT IN YOUR BATTLE ABILITIES,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (just try to keep up, tav.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (⊡ ▽ 一)-☆ </span>
</p>
<p>The first holographic monster has no idea what hit it. Literally. You leap towards it with a wild swing and feel your hammer pass through the empty air. Then the image just sputters out. Your eyebrows draw together in confusion. The dice roll was not all that high. Only a three. Although if you consider your hefty bonuses, perhaps a three is good enough.</p>
<p>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (uh. was that supposed to happen?)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: hOLY HOOFBEAST EXCREMENT!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: yOU JUST, uM, kILLED THE FIRST MONSTER, mAYBE, iN ONE SHOT,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (sweet.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡)</span>
</p>
<p>The rest of the monsters go very similarly. In fact, the only time you have trouble at all is trying to dodge long range attacks. Your hive does not exactly have a lot of wide open spaces. Eventually you end up outside, which is much better for maneuverability. By supplying a front for the bronzeblood to duck behind whenever things get a little dicey, you also securely keep your team member in close proximity. </p>
<p>You systematically take down one threat after another with brutal efficiency. Through the whole thing, you stop to message orders and advice to your partner. Slowly he starts picking up tactics without your constant nudging. You are so proud when he takes down a monster all on his own while you beat back the more challenging threats. Then you spot the prize glowing in the distance.</p>
<p>Without waiting for the bronzeblood, you become a whirlwind of blunt force trauma. Everything between you and the endgame is mowed down by your weapon, even if you had to hit some of these bosses a few extra times. When you get to the treasure, you lift it triumphantly above your head. Tavros simply places both hands on his knees and pants. </p>
<p>You palmhusk vibrates with messages.</p>
<p><span class="rose">TT: I believe cøngratulatiøns are in ørder. </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: that was simply spectacular!</span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: I call h8cks!</span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: There's no way a gru8faced rust8lood is this good just starting out!</span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: yOU ARE JUST JEALOUS, pERHAPS, bECAUSE WE GOT THE BETTER PLAYER,</span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: NO, 1 4GR33. NO ON3 1S TH4T GOOD TH1S 34RLY. </span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: 1 F33L L1K3 W3 W3R3 HUSTL3D. WH3R3 D1D YOU P1CK UP THOS3 B4TTL3 T4CT1CS, JOHNNY?</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (like i said, i train a lot.)</span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: There's nothing else you want to add to that st8ment?</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (i don't understand.)</span><br/><span class="rose">TT: Tø be perfectly frank, the level øf battlefield awareness yøu demønstrated just nøw is øn par with that øf an early Imperial recruit. Yøur grasp øf strategies and maneuvers alsø pøint tø experience fighting and less sø structured training by schøølfeeds. There is alsø the fact that as a burgundybløød yøu shøwed a dangerøusly seditiøus prøclivity tøwards leadership. </span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (wait, are fighting schoolfeeds a thing?) </span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: TH3Y 4R3, BUT TH3Y 4R3 ONLY 4CC3SS1BL3 TO H1GHBLOODS. </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: So spill the 8eans!!!!!!!!</span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: Where did you learn to fight like that?</span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: lEAVE jOHNNY ALONE, yOU GUYS,</span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: he does not have to answer any of your questions</span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: especially if you are all being such jerks </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: He shouldn't have a pro8lem answering them if he isn't a h8ge fat cheater! </span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (it's okay guys.)</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (i don't see how them knowing will change anything.) </span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: TH1S SM3LLS SC4ND4LOUS 4LR3ADY. </span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (the truth is that i fucking suck at psychic powers.)</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (like i can't even make an empty liquid container float right now.)</span> <br/><span class="aradia">GT: (so i figured i needed something more practical to defend myself.)</span><br/><span class="rose">TT: Bettering øneself is an admirable trait in any trøll. Yøur møtives are clear, even if a bit misguided. </span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: i HAD NO IDEA YOU SPENT ALL YOUR TIME LEARNING TO FIGHT, </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: you will turn out to be a fine addition to the empire at this rate</span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: That still doesn't explain why you act so 8attlehardened. Do you practice with your h8friends?</span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: jOHNNY DOESN'T HAVE ANYONE BUT US,</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (i... used to have other friends.) </span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: OH. </span><br/><span class="rose">TT: Høw unførtunate. </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: So all your lame low8lood 8uddies died and you decided to become a rust8lood troll Ram8o? </span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (sort of.) </span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: tHAT IS ACTUALLY PRETTY AWESOME, </span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: 1 C4N S33 NOTH1NG 4BOUT TH3 S1TU4T1ON TH4T BR34KS 4NY RUL3S. </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: i think having johnny around will help us all become better fighters </span><br/><span class="rose">TT: Indeed.</span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: wE SHOULD MEET UP SOMETIME, mAYBE, tO SPAR IN REAL LIFE, </span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: 1 S3COND TH1S MOT1ON! </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: That's not a half-8ad idea! We can set up training sessions at one of our hives, and he can give us pointers. </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: And 8y us I mean all of you 8ecause I am already amazing. </span><br/><span class="rose">TT: I can øffer my hive as the base øf øperations, as I have plenty øf røøm. </span><br/><span class="rose">TT: If it is økay with Jøhnny, øf cøurse.</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (⊡ ᴗ ⊡) </span><br/><span class="vriska">AG: We can still see you, you giant goo8er! </span> </p>
<p>Joining that Flarp session turned out to be the smartest decision you have made thus far. It turns out that Aradia and Tavros were already part of your friend circle and you simply did not know. The other side has Terezi, Vriska, and Rosean. Although two of the three are a bit crazy for your liking, you are ecstatic to have your best friend back. Even if she does not exactly remember being your best friend.</p>
<p>The first time you all meet up at Rosean's lakeside hive, you are unsurprised to find that you are indeed the smallest in the group. At least in terms of height. You probably outweigh Tavros and Terezi both due to sheer muscle. After some good-natured ribbing, the others drop the subject of your 'endowments' when you show them just what you can do in person. Everyone has very different fighting styles and weapons, but you are nothing if not malleable to their requests. </p>
<p>You firmly establish one rule. No serious injuries. Scrapes and bruises are fine and dandy, but anything that could get someone potentially culled on their way home was grounds for expulsion from the group. It was also heavily implied that they would have to answer to at least you, if not the rest of the participants. </p>
<p>The tealblood is the one who suggests the second rule. No psychic powers. You had never even considered how dangerous Aradia could be in a fight if pushed too far, but it turns out to not just be her that Terezi is worried about. Gaps every now and then in your memory are revealed to be a certain blueblood taking control of your thinkpan for her own amusement. It really should not surprise you. She had tried to do it before when you were an alien in a whole different universe. </p>
<p>She has been doing the same thing to Tavros on and off for the past perigee. Thus far no one can think of a solution without eliciting a direct (and possibly deadly) reaction from Vriska. You are discussing the situation in the password protected thread you had made for your friends when you have your second bloodpusher attack in the same sweep.</p>
<p><span class="tavros">AT: iT REALLY IS, mAYBE, a BAD SIGN THAT SHE IS TAKING SO MUCH INTEREST IN YOU, pROBABLY, </span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: sPEAKING FROM MY EXPERIENCES, aNYWAY, </span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (it is just getting a little old. i am not a puppet for her to practice her powers on.)</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (⊡ n ⊡) </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: i will need to teach her a lesson about messing with team charge </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: she has never been able to take over my mind</span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: i AM NOT SURE, tHAT THAT IS A GOOD IDEA,</span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: YOU THR33 ST33R CL3AR OF VR1SK4 FOR 4 WH1L3. 1 W1LL T4LK TO H3R 4BOUT TH1S. </span>�<span class="aradia">AA: alright </span><br/><span class="aradia">AA: i suppose i can wait to see if you are able to teach her some manners before i get involved </span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (please don't do anything rash, aradia.) </span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: lET tEREZI HANDLE IT, aND WE WILL, pROBABLY, bE BETTER OFF, </span><br/><span class="rose">TT: Greetings tø all øf you. I dø løath tø interrupt...</span><br/><span class="aradia">GT: (rosean!)</span><br/><span class="tavros">AT: gOOD EVENING, rOSEAN,</span><br/><span class="terezi">GC: WH4T 1S 1T TH4T YOU N33D TO T4LK 4BOUT SO URG3NTLY?</span><br/><span class="rose">TT: I dø apøløgize, but my neighbørs are insisting that they nøw be a part øf any future grief practices.  </span><br/><span class="rose">TT: I believe it has sømething tø dø with having an unfair advantage. </span><br/><span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; hi rosean!!!! </span><br/><span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; hi roseans hatefriends!!! </span><br/><span class="rose">TT: Well shit.</span><br/><span class="dave">TG: yo whats up lame people </span></p>
<p>You would recognize that shade of blue anywhere. He is using your old text color. You... are not sure why it makes your bilesack churn so violently. Really it makes no sense. You should be happy that Jade and Dave found you so soon, no matter what silly color their hemotyping is.</p>
<p>
  <span class="aradia">AA: oh </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: aRE ALL YOUR NEIGHBORS, uM, iNDIGOBLOODS AS WELL? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Cøuld the twø øf yøu nøt have waited until I had prøperly intrøduced yøu? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; oh how silly of me </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; i am jadite and i specialize in rifles </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: my name is daevid and i dont give a hoot about anyone here  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: except this fucking fantabulous fighter apparently named johnny</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: so let me in on the secret bro </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: which one of you is the mastermind behind this delightful debacle </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (um, i guess that would be me. hi!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: ...</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; hello johnny!! it is so nice to meet you!!!! :D </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (it is great to meet you as well!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡)ノ</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: i am aradia and i specialize in whips </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: T3R3Z1. CANE SWORD.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i AM tAVROS, i, uH, USE LANCES TO FIGHT, bUT i AM NOT VERY GOOD AT IT YET, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (hey now!)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: ... </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i ADDED THE WORD YET TO THE STATEMENT, wHICH DOES NOT IMPLY A LACK OF CONFIDENCE, bUT RATHER THAT i AM STILL ENDEAVORING TO IMPROVE, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">GT: (true. i am very proud of you.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: haha!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: now someone is starting to sound like his lusus </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: you are pulling my frond right</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: 4BOUT WH4T, D43V1D?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: not only do you expect me to believe that your fearless leader is a burgundyblood </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: but half the group is entirely made up of rusts</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: i cant even tell your text apart it is all one solid mass of blah</span>
</p>
<p>You feel something in you swell. Who does he think he is? He is the one who waltzed in here with your old color- he has no right to point fingers. You want to needle him back. Seriously, was he always this big of a douche?</p>
<p>
  <span class="dave">TG: at least harls and i sorted out this hemotyping business by using different shades of blue </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (is this better?)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: well that is certainly a hue that causes anguish fluid to start leaking everywhere</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: There is nø need tø give in tø his antics, Jøhnny. He simply is being bøarish because his precønceived nøtiøns øf my alleged 'death squadrøn in training' are nøt being met. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; i like it!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (meh, it was probably overdue anyway.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: aT LEAST WE CAN TELL YOU AND ARADIA APART MORE EASILY NOW, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: 1 4M NOT SUR3 1 C4N 4B1D3 BY YOU K33P1NG SUCH 4 S4CR1L3G1OUS COLOR.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (terezi, i will be dead in a few sweeps anyway. stop trying to be my moirail.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: GROSS! TH1S 1S JUST L3G4L 4DVIC3, NOT 4 P4L3 OV3RTUR3. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: We are getting øff tøpic again and straying intø territøry best left tø yøur cømmiseratiøn bøard.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Daevid, if yøu cannøt play nice with øthers ønline, what makes yøu think I will alløw yøu tø jøin us in my hive før øur practice? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: because you are actually concerned that harls and i are already better than you in the fighting department since we practice on zahhaks robot army </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Ah yes, øf cøurse. It has nøthing tø dø with yøu being jealøus that I have cømpaniøns that yøu have never met and thus cannøt attempt to wøø away.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Althøugh I must prøfess that I quite løøk førward tø yøu trying yøur usual tactics øn Jøhnny and Aradia. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: what do his usual tactics involve </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; blackflirting until he has your attention before dropping you like a hot tuber </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: ah </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: then i agree </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: it certainly will be fun </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: hOW DOES THAT SOUND FUN? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: B3C4US3 JOHNNY 1S COMPL3T3LY OBL1V1OUS TO 4LL 4CTU4L FL1RT1NG 4ND 4R4D14 4LR3ADY H4S 4 POTENT14L K1SM3S1S. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i am not oblivious. i just don't care to participate in your romantic shenanigans.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: 4SK1NG YOU TO H3LP M3 R31N 1N VR1SK4 1S NOT 1N4PPROPR14T3.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (it is when you already have rosean acting as your midleaf every third fight.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (just make it official already!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (#⊡ Д ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; !!!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: hE DOES HAVE A POINT, tHOUGH, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: whoa i had no idea your little fight club was so scandalous lalond </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: it is getting a little ridiculous at this point </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: AHEM. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Tø cønclude this disaster: Daevid and Jadite will be jøining us next time unless there are any øbjectiøns. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: 1 LOOK FORW4RD TO T34CH1NG TH3M SOM3 N3W MOV3S. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i AM OKAY WITH IT, iF EVERYONE ELSE IS, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: the more the merrier!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; yay!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Jøhnny? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (as long as they follow the rules, i am happy to schoolfeed some more highbloods.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: whoa bro do you have a death wish or something?? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: yes </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: Y3S. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: yES, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Unførtunately.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: what the fuck is wrong with you people </span>
</p>
<p>The answer is everything. </p>
<p>Still, your group of rejects is hobbling along on this crapsack world. The bronzeblood is slowly gaining more confidence as he becomes competent in battle. Aradia is already dating the goldblood programmer. With unclouded eyes, Terezi is a force to be reckoned with both online and off. You like to think that you are preparing them for any challenges that they might have to face once you are gone. </p>
<p>And thus far you have not had to retcon at all. Actually, you do wonder sometimes when you are supposed to go back and give past-you advice. Every time you think about it, you decide that the response is 'not yet.' Future you had been quite a bit taller than you are now, anyway. It has nothing to do with the fact you are still waiting for all of this to be worth it.</p>
<p>Instead, you prepare for another trip all the way to Rosean's hive. She lives terribly far away, considering she is a highblood in a literal castle. After the first trip using a public scuttlebuggy, you have since taken to zapping to somewhere near her lake and then walking from there. It is faster and less headache-inducing. </p>
<p>You almost always arrive first to help your friend set up and make food. Her lusus is always 'out hunting' or something, so you are glad that Bunnydad taught you the basics of how to make things from scratch. Tonight it is flavor discs with various toppings. There should be enough varieties that there is something for everyone. </p>
<p>"You finally got yourself a helper in the kitchen, Lalond?" a familiar voice blandly intones.</p>
<p>You turn and quirk an eyebrow just so. Huh. He looks different as a troll. Even more so than Rosean, anyway. He still is a lanky son-of-a-bitch who will forever be taller than you are, but now he has some muscle on him. The way he carries himself is different as well. The ever-present slouch is gone, and you honestly cannot say that you miss it. </p>
<p>Perhaps sensing your appraisal of potential pranking opportunities, your hostess sighs, "Daevid, you know very well who this is. If you are going to make an ass of yourself, at least wait until you meet the others to get kicked out."</p>
<p>"Heh," you smile to yourself. "I don't think he can help himself."</p>
<p>"What are you mumbling there, rustblood?" he demands.</p>
<p>"I said you can't help yourself," you shrug as you pull out some of the done pizza-like objects and bump the door closed with your nonexistent hip. </p>
<p>"This is awfully domestic for a rebellious lowblood that fancies himself to be troll Rambo," points out the asshole. "I mean, being a kind of butler or cook or whatever is a bit mainstream for you, don't you think?"</p>
<p>"I am comfortable enough in my badassery to unabashedly enjoy things I genuinely like," you set the food down to cool before turning to him. "Besides, I am the only one who can bake. I mean, do you really want <i>Rosean</i> cooking anything?"</p>
<p>His mouth twitches just a tiny bit and you give yourself a mental high-five. "Yeah," agrees Daevid. "I suppose not."</p>
<p>Said indigoblood clears her throat, "If the two of you are quite done casting disparaging remarks about my culinary arts, perhaps you should join the others in the rumpus block."</p>
<p>You smile sweetly at her, "Add any toppings to our flavor discs, and I will sentence you to two rounds in the arena."</p>
<p>She hesitates, "Against you?"</p>
<p>You nod, "In a row."</p>
<p>"Fine," she huffs. "You would like salted sardines if you tried them."</p>
<p>You roll your eyes, leading the way to the temporary fighting ring, "We are rustbloods and a teal. You are more likely to give us indigestion with your weird penchant for seadweller food. I am not sure how you have survived this long."</p>
<p>"Is she trying to help you cook again?" the bronzeblood wrinkles his nose from where he is practicing his stretches.</p>
<p>"I think that her combinations are interesting," defends Terezi. You make (yet another) metal note to never let her help in the kitchen either.</p>
<p>This is precisely when you hear a high pitched screeing noise. The troll emitting the vocal equivalent of "!!!!" crashes into Rosean with an audible thump. Oh. Oh it's <i>Jade</i>. Well, Jadite in this universe, but you would know your own sister anywhere. Her cute dog-ear horns suit her, although they will never replace the actual white ears that used to rest there.</p>
<p>"Rosean!!!" she yells. "I'm so excited!!"</p>
<p>"I could not tell," snidely answers your best friend, but you see the gentle pat she gives the slightly shorter girl's back. D'aww. They are already budding into an adorable friendship. Then Rosean offers, "You should say hello to the rest of the group as well." Fuck. Traitor.</p>
<p>"Hi!!" Jadite grins as she pulls away from the other indigoblood. "Let me guess... you are Terezi and Aradia and Tavros and... Johnny! You are definitely cuter than Rosean described!"</p>
<p>"Oh?" your eyebrows raise as you glance over to a rather blue-tinged face. This is going to be prime blackmail material. You just know it.</p>
<p>"Yeah! I mean, she mostly just talks about your fighting, but she did mention you were 'adorably short' at one point," divulges your sister. "Which you are, but I think she left out how your horns-"</p>
<p>"Ahem," Rosean interrupts. "Now that everyone is here, perhaps we should begin?"</p>
<p>"Ehehehe, sounds good to me," the tealblood cracks her knuckles.</p>
<p>"What's on the docket tonight, friendleader?" brightly asks Aradia. </p>
<p>"Sparring practice first and then individual training," you say, already mentally allotting every minute you have to each of your companions. "Jadite uses long range weaponry, which is really not my forte, so that might take some extra time. Plus we are missing Vriska, so we have an uneven number of participants. Matchups tonight: Jadite and Tavros, Terezi and Daevid, Aradia and Rosean. I can swap in as needed."</p>
<p>"Whoa, hold up here," interrupts the male indigoblood. Here it goes. "Why does this asshole get to be in charge?"</p>
<p>"Because he has the most real-life experience in fighting and is also the one who organized this whole endeavor," Rosean tells him. </p>
<p>"Okay, but if he is the best fighter, why is he not sparring with anyone?" Daevid almost growls. "I call bullshit. I don't want to fight the skinny tealblood. I want to fight your top man."</p>
<p>You sigh, "You and I are a bad combination. In fact, my weapon is not suited to sparring at all! It can be quite dangerous for the other participants if I go in without knowing how you fight beforehand."</p>
<p>"See, all I'm hearing is 'Weh, weh, I think I'm a badass but actually I am a giant wiggler!' I demand to fight you." The glint on his sunglasses prevent you from seeing his eyes, but you know they are locked on to your face.</p>
<p>"Too bad we are not here to cater to you specifically." You shrug off his quiet fury dismissively, "If you do not like the program, you don't have to stay. Terezi is the best mentor in the group for someone who uses blades."</p>
<p>You sense his aggression before you even see him move. You barely manage to throw yourself back and dodge the swing. A dangerously broken sword is pointed in your direction. Fuck. Flashstepping is still a thing. Why is it still a thing? Ugh.</p>
<p>"Daevid!" shouts the hostess.</p>
<p>You hold up a hand, "It's fine, Rosean. I can handle this."</p>
<p>It is not empty bravado, despite what the others may think. You have seen Dave fight plenty of times and you know most of his moves. Even if his troll form has some new tricks up his sleeve, your ability to sense incoming attacks will allow you to mitigate the damage done. You equip your warhammer from your strife deck and someone gasps. They know you mean Serious Business when Zillyhoo comes out.</p>
<p>Your former best bro wastes no time in attacking again. From the left this time, your intuition tells you. You manage to block, but just barely. It does not bode well that he is aiming for your center of mass. Apparently Daevid is actually trying to kill you. Well, the joke is on him! You have been dead inside for ages.</p>
<p>Also you could totally survive a stab wound to the thorax as a troll, as long as it is not in the very middle. Thanks to your anatomy schoolfeeds and trollnet, you know enough statistics to weigh the risks and benefits without bias. Your best strategy is to get him to come in close and stay still for half a second. All of this runs through your head as you dodge three more attacks. </p>
<p>Then you plant your feet. You radiate tranquility. He attacked your back last, so this time he will approach from the front. Good. You can easily redirect his attack to a relatively harmless area. Placing the head of your warhammer in front of you, you are unsurprised when sparks fly from a strike. You also are braced for the blade piercing your flesh. </p>
<p>Happily Daevid's horns are curved backwards, which means there is nothing in the way when you headbutt him and break his nose. As he stumbles backwards, he lets go of the hilt. Swinging with both hands, your hammer catches him squarely in the thorax. Not enough to kill. (You could never kill any of them.) But hard enough to crack a couple ribs. </p>
<p>The indigoblood goes crashing down. You follow him so that he does not get any ideas. Planting a foot onto his chest, you point your hammer at his face. With your other hand, you grip the hilt emerging from your abdomen. Without batting an eyelid, you carefully pull it out the same direction it went in. </p>
<p>Flicking the rust liquid off of the blade, you say, "This fight is over."</p>
<p>"What are you talking about?" he hisses. "This is totally a draw!"</p>
<p>"Oh really?" you give him A Look. "You have a broken thoracic cage and cartilaginous nub. You are on your back. You are <i>unarmed</i>."</p>
<p>"Yeah, and what about you?" he attempts to gesture to your side.</p>
<p>"I'm wounded," you admit, "but you are <i>dead</i>. So next time you want to come at someone with murderous intent, at least be sure you can actually beat them." You spit out a gob of (too dark) red to the side and remove your foot. Then you turn to face the rest of the room and find five shocked expressions aimed in your direction.</p>
<p>"Fuck, Johnny," exclaims Terezi. "Just... fuck."</p>
<p>"A-are you, maybe, going to be okay?" stutters the bronzeblood.</p>
<p>"Yeah," you shrug one shoulder. "No big. I made sure it did not hit anything vital. Just need to borrow the medical supplies again."</p>
<p>"You allowed him to stab you on purpose," Rosean finally understands. "Just so you could get a clean shot at him. Johnny!"</p>
<p>"What?" your brow furrows. "I'll be fine. You all start without me. Jadite and Tavros first. Terezi, I'm trusting you to not let things get out of hand."</p>
<p>"Oh, you mean like what you just did?" she snarks.</p>
<p>You roll your eyes, "I'll be back in a minute. No one kill Daevid while I'm gone."</p>
<p>"I'll watch him!" cheerfully offers Aradia. "If he breaks any more rules, I'll use my telekinesis to break his bones."</p>
<p>Sighing, you head back towards the meal block. Rosean always keeps medical supplies stashed away in the cabinets for this very reason. Although you try very hard to keep things civil, accidents do happen. Usually not penetrating wounds to a major body cavity, though. You are extremely glad Vriska was not here to see that fight; it would only give her more ideas.</p>
<p>"We need to find that boy a moirail," you hear Rosean mutter.</p>
<p>After you bandage yourself up to the best of your ability, you grab a nutrition plateau and burden it with four slices of your favorite flavor disc. It almost tastes like real pizza. Then you grab the portable medical kit and enter the rumpus room once again. Tavros is showing Jadite the ropes, with Terezi offering advice and mediation from the sidelines. Even though you know they all are keenly aware of your presence, none of them stop what they are doing to openly watch you.</p>
<p>The male indigoblood is right where you left him, sprawled out on the floor with a morbidly gleeful (or gleefully morbid) rustblood psychic standing over him. With a firm nod, you dismiss her and she grins before drifting away. As for Daevid, you drop the medical kit directly onto his thorax before plopping down to sit next to him with your flavor slices.</p>
<p>"Patch yourself up," you suggest. "You'll want to put your cartilaginous nub straight before it sets like that."</p>
<p>"You're being awfully friendly to the asshole who just tried to gut you," grumbles the highblood even as he sits up to start digging through the supplies.</p>
<p>"I'm this friendly to everyone," you shrug and begin to scarf down your pizza substitute. "Anyway, it's not like this is the first time I've been stabbed in the thorax. My previous experiences were much more... debilitating." It is not until you are on your third slice that you realize he is gaping at you. You pause, "What?"</p>
<p>"Exactly how many times have you been shanked?" he asks.</p>
<p>"Enough to know how to redirect the blade and keep fighting," you skirt around answering the question. Then you practically yell across the huge room, "Tavros! Stance! Try that move again! Keep those feet planted shoulder-width until you are ready to thrust!"</p>
<p>"R-right!" he shouts back. Then he performs the most beautiful lunge you have ever seen. Even with Jadite easily dodging to the side (which is the point, duh), it is easy to see how much more balanced that attack was. You are so damn proud of that boy. </p>
<p>"You really are the real deal," muses Daevid. "So... the others had mentioned that you learned how to fight because all your old hatefriends were culled. Is that true?"</p>
<p>Your gaze drifts as you reminisce about an entirely different set of circumstances in a completely different universe, "... Something like that." Then you snap back to the present, "Jadite! You swing that fucking gun like a club one more time and it will never fire true! Jegus! It's like I'm schoolfeeding wigglers here." </p>
<p>Marching forward, you hold out your hand expectantly. After a moment of bewildered blinking, she hands her weapon over. You turn it over in your hands, run what you know about Alternian-make rifles through your head, and nod. Then you start walking her through proper protocol. </p>
<p>"Right. Hold it here and here. I know you have better reach if you hold all the way at the end of the barrel, but you are also effectively aiming a loaded weapon at yourself and presenting the enemy with the fucking trigger. That and you will eventually bend your barrel with your stupid highblood strength and have a useless firearm. Only hit things with the stock. Much sturdier. Consider it basically a blunt hatchet with an unreasonably long handle."</p>
<p>She nods fervently, taking it all in. "Okay, yeah, that makes sense! I'm not usually much of a close range scrapper, so I usually just whallop things until they are a reasonable shooting distance away again. But I also go through a <i>lot</i> of rifles doing that."</p>
<p>You snort, "Yeah, I bet. Alright, if I come at you from the front, you have lots of options. Your main problem is going to be barrel length here and enemies coming at you from the wrong side." You take a step to the left as example. "Like here. See how you have to turn to get a good swing at me? Do that. It is better than overreaching and ending up with a gut full of lead. Or, you know, lasers if that's what you upgrade to eventually."</p>
<p>You then turn and eye Tavros, who looks to be much less energetic than your sister, "Right. I think you two deserve a break for flavor discs."</p>
<p>"Does that mean Aradia and I are up next, due to Daevid's injuries?" politely inquires Rosean.</p>
<p>You briefly consider, "No, that's okay. Terezi will pout if she does not get to have her turn in the arena. I can replace Daevid."</p>
<p>"I get to face off with Mister Raspberry himself?" she exclaims. "Wow, and here I was thinking the new players had done nothing to help us out! Watch and learn, Blueberry Brute. This is how a real sword fight goes."</p>
<p>Rubbing your forehead to appease the forming migraine, you regret every decision you have made ever. "Yes. Antagonize him more. Great. Can you at least wait until we call a mutual ceasefire once again?"</p>
<p>She can and she does. After almost thirty minutes of grueling one-on-one action, you finally wear her down enough for her to admit that it is a draw. You probably could have gone longer if you had not gotten recently stabbed. Still, weakness is not a trait conducive to survival on this planet, and you barely feel pain anymore anyway. (Probably an after-effect of being torn apart and remade so many times.) In the end, though, you both need a breather.</p>
<p>"Headache again?" asks your hostess.</p>
<p>"Stop trying to read my mind," you grumble from the floor. "You're not Vriska."</p>
<p>"I don't have to be to recognize a pattern," she tuts disapprovingly. "You haven't been sleeping."</p>
<p>"You gave me two new pupils, one of which uses weaponry I was not familiar with," you shrug. "I had better things to do with my time. Also sleep is for the weak."</p>
<p>"Are you implying that you became a rifle expert in three nights?" Terezi huffs from where she is eavesdropping nearby.</p>
<p>"Only an expert in theory and on certain subjects," you gloss over the details. "Mostly mechanics, durability, close-range tactics, and the like. My aim is likely still shit. I would blame my ocular globes, but that has apparently done nothing to stop Jadite."</p>
<p>"Rosean is right," declares the tealblood. "We really do need to find you a moirail."</p>
<p>You grimace, "How about you don't and just pretend that I've slept in the past week? I like that option better."</p>
<p>"You're beginning to sound like Sollux," Aradia's dislike is clear from her tone. </p>
<p>"I am nothing like your boyfriend," you argue. "I at least still remember to use the ablution chamber more than once in a perigee. Really, I'm fine. Having you all to train is enough on my plate as it is. I don't have time for any relationships. You. Rosean. Arena. Now."</p>
<p>"You are so curt when you are having your episodes," sighs the female indigoblood.</p>
<p>"Get in the fighting ring before I get up and attempt the rare but dangerous maneuver called the double middle fingers aimed at nobility," you growl. "No shirking your practice."</p>
<p>"Your tone would be much more effective if you were not flat on your back looking like you just fought a cholerbear with your bare hands," snarks Rosean in reply.</p>
<p>That is it. You have had it with the sass tonight. With a subvocal growl, you drag your carcass into a sitting position and then entirely upright. With a single glare, her posture straightens as she considers whether or not you are a real threat. Silly blueblood. Since you love them so much, you are only a threat in the annoying sense of the word.</p>
<p>Then you give a carefree grin, "I think you have just declared war on the Pranking Master."</p>
<p>Her face actually pales. </p>
<p>"Whelp, here we go again," Aradia sighs. "Can I take this time to point out that I am ready to start whenever?"</p>
<p>With her lips pressed into a thin line, Rose marches over to the arena. The needles she has taken a liking to are gripped so hard that they creak slightly under the pressure. She takes an offensive stance and waits for Aradia to take position. These two are pretty evenly matched when it comes to fighting without psychic powers or dark magic, so you feel entirely justified in leaving for the meal block.</p>
<p>"Enjoy your spar," you singsong to them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Enervate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In the end, you really do not prank Rosean as hard as you could have. Mostly it is due to the fact that you are so very tired all the time, but she also lives an inconvenient distance away. Besides, you really do not want to annoy your best friend to the point of rage. Just mild frustration. The group as a whole seems to have accepted the new trolls, although Vriska is suspiciously quiet. </p>
<p>That is not the only issue. Daevid has not said a single word to you since practice. Nor has he been on any of the group threads. Normally you would just assume that he was otherwise preoccupied with his dumb comics or Trollipedia or something, but Jadite had let it slip that he was still privately messaging her. You decide to take matters into your own hands.</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">began trolling turntechGodhead</span>
  <span class="dave"> [TG] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="john">GT: (look, i know we did not start off on the right frond, but this is getting ridiculous.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (do not ignore the group threads just because you are trying to avoid me.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (rosean says that you are attempting to find the right words to apologize or something.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (which is silly!)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i don't really need an apology.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i kind of kicked your ass.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (are you even there?)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i will keep making your message alert ping go off until you answer.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i also basically never sleep, so i hope you find the noise soothing.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i could make music out of this if i time my messages right.)</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: why do you even type like that</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (this is a number i like to call 'getting a highblood to-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: the ignore scoops have got to be annoying</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: and you arent exactly all that quiet in person when you arent mumbling to yourself</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (because it lets me get away with a lot.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i can talk shit about highbloods and the hemospectrum and even the empire.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i even blatantly play pranks on people.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (everyone always glosses over it because i put it in ignore scoops.)</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: you really do want to be culled</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (meh. not really. but it will happen eventually.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (might as well enjoy myself now.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (hmm. karma is calling. i'm getting pinged like every three seconds.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (brb.)</span>
</p>
<p>You are getting a lot of alerts for one of your threads. Oh, weird. It is the movie critic one. You had been expecting it to be drama from one of the group chats. Pulling it up, you realize that you have a different kind of drama on your hands. </p>
<p>
  <span class="terezi">BB: No, no, no! There is nothing aBBout that movie that is even remotely related to BBlack romance. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (except the scene where they fight on the rooftop as dawn approaches. you have to admit the tension was there.) </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WHAT THE HIDEOUS FUCK EVEN IS THAT COLOR? ARE YOU ATTEMPTING TO BE HEMOANONYMOUS IN THE MOST PANADDLED WAY POSSIBLE? DON'T THINK JUST BECAUSE YOU USE IGNORE SCOOPS THAT IT WIPES THAT BLINDINGLY OFFENSIVE COLOR OFF OF OUR HUSKTOP SCREENS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ALSO, YOU COULD NOT BE MORE WRONG IF YOU TRIED.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THE SCENE IN QUESTION IS OBVIOUSLY PLATONIC HATE, SEEING AS HOW IT WAS NEVER FOLLOWED UP ON IN ANY OF THE RESULTING PARTS OF THE SCRIPT. LOOK AT THEIR STANCES. RAMONA IS LEANING AWAY FROM RAQUEL BEFORE THE GRIEF BEGINS, CLEARLY INDICATING HER LACK OF INTEREST IN ANYTHING CALIGINOUS. AT BEST IT COULD BE SEEN AS AN ATTEMPT AT ASHEN, IF THERE WERE EVEN A THIRD TROLL ANYWHERE NEARBY DURING THE FIGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THE ENERGY BETWEEN THE TWO PERFORMERS FELL COMPLETELY FLAT. I MEAN, THEY BARELY EVEN LOOK AT EACH OTHER IN THAT ENTIRE SEQUENCE. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: ARE YOU EVEN THERE, YOU PATHETIC WASTE OF SPACE, OR DID YOU PERHAPS ACTUALLY CHOKE ON YOUR OWN BULGE WHILE PERFORMING SELFFELLATIO?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THAT IS A DEATH THAT WILL MAKE IT ONTO THE TOP TEN MOST AMUSING WAYS TO PERISH ON ALTERNIA. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU ARE GOING TO BE FAMOUS FOR BEING THE DUMBEST NOOKWHIFFER EVER. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (hang on, i was pming someone.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (wow. okay. in order- i am a burgundyblood that uses this shade to distinguish myself from my other rustblood friends in chat, that scene was so emotionally charged that you could use it as a batterygrub for your husktop did you even see how the actors glared at each other before resolutely looking elsewhere, and yes i am here i did not choke on my own bulge in a tragic feat of... whatever.)</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: A BURGUNDY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: HOW THE FUCK DO YOU GET AWAY WITH THIS HOOFBEAST EXCREMENT WITHOUT BEING CULLED?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: wow look at the fucking hypocrisy up in here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: how about you change your own font color before you drag my good bro for his</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT AN INDIGOBLOOD CONSIDERS A BURGUNDY HIS 'GOOD BRO'? I HAVE YET TO MEET A BLUEBLOOD WHO DOESN'T HAVE A NUB SHOVED DOWN THEIR TROUSERS FOR THE HEMOSPECTRUM. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i will have you know that johnny here broke my nose and then my ribs </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: and my neighbors adore him so basically i cant even be mad since i started it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: which now makes us practically inclade </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (...)</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: wait</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: no that is just my hyperbole dont read into that</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (too late!)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡)</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: fuck its the creepy smile again why what did i do to deserve this</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">BB: You know, the drama GT BBrings to the taBBLe is always the BBest quality. So scandalous! </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (if we are inclade i should be treating you better.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (next time i will patch you up after i break your cartilaginous nub.)</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: please dont you morbid fuck</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WHAT WAS I THINKING? OF COURSE YOU TWO ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER; YOU'RE BOTH BROKEN IN THE THINKPAN. </span>
</p>
<p>The conversation continues for a bit, but you can hardly pay attention. You are so excited to finally have Karkat as part of the group! And also Daevid had admitted that he liked you! Well, sort of. Mutual respect, at least. Rosean already thinks you are cute, which is the troll equivalent to moderately attached to your existence. Basically you just need your sister to start glomping you again to be back to normal. </p>
<p>It really feels like things are finally starting to work out in your favor.</p>
<p>Which of course means that when future-you comes to visit again, you are woefully unprepared. He shoves you out the door with simply an order to zap towards Tavros's hive. Wondering what is going on, you comply and pull out your portable communication device.</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">adiosToreador</span>
  <span class="tavros"> [AT] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">began trolling ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="tavros">AT: uH, </span><br/>
<span class="tavros">AT: aRE YOU THERE, jOHNNY? </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (always.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (what do you need?)</span><br/>
<span class="tavros">AT: oH GOOD, i AM IN NEED OF ADVICE, aND aRADIA DID NOT ANSWER,</span><br/>
<span class="tavros">AT: nEITHER DID tEREZI,</span><br/>
<span class="tavros">AT: i WAS HONESTLY GETTING A LITTLE WORRIED,</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (tavros. the point?)</span><br/>
<span class="tavros">AT: uM, i DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ANGRY, bUT vRISKA AND i ARE PLAYING A CAMPAIGN WITH JUST ME,</span><br/>
<span class="tavros">AT: sINCE YOU AND aRADIA WERE BUSY,</span><br/>
<span class="tavros">AT: bUT ALL THE MONSTERS ARE TOO HIGH LEVEL, aND SHE LEFT ME NO PLACE TO ABSCOND TO,</span><br/>
<span class="tavros">AT: i DON'T LIKE THIS,</span>
</p>
<p>Shit. You pick up speed. If he is in the middle of a Flarp campaign, he should be somewhere nearby his hive. Assessing your options, you decide the most obvious dead end is the cliff. As you fly over, you really hope you guessed right.</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">arachnidsGrip</span>
  <span class="vriska"> [AG] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">began trolling ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT]</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Hey! </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: You stay out of this, 8uster!</span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: This is between me and the cowardly pupa!</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (you leave him alone.)</span>
</p>
<p>You did not type that. </p>
<p>
  <span class="vriska">AG: You know, you've always 8een a 8it too 8ig for your 8ritches, Johnny.</span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: As a rust8lood, you have to learn your place eventually.</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (make me, then.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (we both know that you can't beat me in a fair fight.)</span>
</p>
<p>Nor did you type that! </p>
<p>It takes a moment for you to realize what just happened. Your future self must be logged in on your husktop answering messages. Actually, it might be more accurate to say that he is goading Vriska into attacking him... instead of you. Oh. Well, that does work as a distraction. You just hope that future-you survives this. Otherwise it is going to be a bit awkward when you go back in time again. </p>
<p>
  <span class="vriska">AG: You asked for this, dum8ass!</span>
</p>
<p>Oh. She must have just done something to the other you. That sucks. However, you finally spot the obnoxious green of Tavros's Boy-Skylark outfit and have no time to spare. With ungainly and robotic movements, he leaps off the cliff. No, no, no! You need him to be alive! You need everything to <b>S  T  O  P  !</b></p>
<p>An immense pressure pushes from inside your skull. Throwing out your arm, you scream. Tavros is suddenly surrounded by a pulsing white aura. He is flung backwards back onto the edge of the cliff. Your thinkpan explodes into razor shards. Ow. Ow ow ow ow fuck shit ow! Your vision completely whites out and you collapse to the ground. Honestly you do not even feel the bruises forming because your brain is on fire.</p>
<p>"J-Johnny?" a voice interrupts your abject misery.</p>
<p>You hiss. Literally hiss. </p>
<p>"A-ah, yeah, I thought you looked migraine-pained," Tavros lowers his volume just a little. "Was that, maybe, you? That just saved me, I mean."</p>
<p>"Ffff- ssssh," you squeeze your eyes shut as if that will reduce the level of agony you are experiencing.</p>
<p>"Okay," he says. </p>
<p>There is a rustle of fabric, then blessed silence. For a while, the pain consumes you. There is nothing but torment. It is almost as bad as the time the whole universe collapsed in on itself to make a new one. Shit, is this what Sollux experiences when Aradia says he is having one of his down periods? This is a new level of suck.</p>
<p>Slowly, ever so slowly, the ache recedes into something vaguely manageable. Throbbing in time with your pulse, the sting comes and goes in waves. You open your eyes and find you have a faceful of dirt. Joy. Arms made of noodles, you manage to push enough to flop yourself onto your back. Better, but now your head is at an angle because of your fucking horns. </p>
<p>Oh. Tavros is lying down next to you. Well, sort of. To avoid smacking you with his own horns, he is a bit further up. Also he has no choice but to face directly into the sky due to the giant things. He does side-eye you from that position, though.</p>
<p>"Feeling any better, maybe?" he asks.</p>
<p>"Comparatively," you admit. </p>
<p>"Good," he looks back up at the stars. "Thank you. For saving me, I mean."</p>
<p>"Don't mention it," you reply. "No, seriously. I think I nearly died doing that. You can't tell the others. I'll never hear the end of it."</p>
<p>"I think I still owe you," mutters the bronzeblood. "Also, we will have to do something, maybe, about Vriska. She definitely broke several rules there. And tried to murder me."</p>
<p>You think for a moment, "Terezi. She is our best bet."</p>
<p>"Not you?" he seems genuinely surprised.</p>
<p>"Vriska can mindcontrol me at any point," you remind him. "I don't see how I can do anything."</p>
<p>"I guess that is true..."</p>
<p>The two of you remain like that for a moment. Two assholes just staring at the sky. Well, he is staring at the sky. You are gazing off at like a forty-five degree angle into random air space. Then you force yourself upright.</p>
<p>"I have to go," you inform him. "Tell Terezi everything. Give her your logs even."</p>
<p>"O-okay," he hastily sits up. "You aren't doing anything, perhaps, that is dangerous?"</p>
<p>"I'm going to distract Vriska."</p>
<p>With that, you start levitating away. It is probably dumb to use your powers after such a bad burnout, but you have to get out of visual range before you retcon. Once you are a safe distance away, you simply zap back in time to your hive. There is past you, all happy and ignorant. Ugh. You shove him out the door with no explanation. He needs to be as far from here as possible for what you are about to do.</p>
<p>Sitting down at the husktop, you do not even have to log yourself in. You simply wait for spiderbitch to contact you. Taunting her gives you no pleasure, as you know shortly she will make good on her threats. Sure enough, you soon feel a tickle in the back of your mind. There is-</p>
<p>
  <i>Obey.                 Blast.                 Destroy.</i>
</p>
<p> <i>                Maim.                 Ruin.                  Smash. </i></p>
<p>
  <i>Wow.                  Crush.                 Toss.                 See you l8er, sucker! </i>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>You awaken collapsed on the floor of the kitchen, body all twisted into weird angles. Groaning, you shift. Nothing seems to be broken. Well, none of your bones, at least. The hive around you, though, is a disaster. Your meal vault is missing. As is your crisprange. And most of your cabinets. </p>
<p>All the walls (and one portion of the ceiling) have holes in them. You guess that is where all of your appliances went. Fuck. It looks like a tornado happened in here. It does not help that the hive is abnormally quiet. </p>
<p>"Bunnydad?" you call out hesitantly.</p>
<p>Silence. Well, of course there is silence. He makes no noises normally. You are not quite sure what you expected. He is probably fine. Just hiding somewhere from all of the commotion. It must have been loud and frightening for him. Stumbling a bit, you begin searching the hive for him, block by block. </p>
<p>You find his crushed and mangled body in the study. </p>
<p>A pang of sadness hits you. Bunnydad would never replace Dad, but he was the only parental-ish figure in your life right now. He did his best to provide you with much needed support and his own brand of strange affection. Your head hurts so much. Swimming through the disorienting pain and nausea, you pull out your palmhusk. WHY IS THE SCREEN SO BRIGHT?!?</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">began trolling gallowsCalibrator</span>
  <span class="terezi"> [GC] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="terezi">GC: LOOK. 1 4LR34DY H34RD FROM T4VROS 4BOUT 3V3RYTH1NG. 1 DON'T N33D YOUR V3RS1ON OF WH4T H4PP3N3D.</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (vrisak just made me kill m own lusus.)</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: OH.</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (she ws pissed i interfered.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (everythng hurts.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (the screeen is hurtin my brain.)</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: TH4T'S R1GHT, YOU 4R3 4 LOW-L3V3L PSYCH1C.</span>
</p>
<p>You wake up aching and confused. For a moment, you have no idea where you are. It is dark and warm and positively soporific. A recuperacoon, then. Although you have no idea how you managed to drag yourself into it. Then you realize that one of your future selves must have come back to place you in your cocoon. As if you are a wiggler who needs tending to. </p>
<p>The events of the night before come back to you slowly. Right, psychic burnout. Bluh. Everything still hurts. Squinting blearily, you try to read the hoard of messages left on your husktop while you took a rather impromptu nap. Your conversation with Terezi is still active.</p>
<p>
  <span class="terezi">GC: YOU N33D TO 34T SOM3TH1NG SUG4RY R1GHT NOW 4ND TH3N M4YB3 T4K3 4 N4P.</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: OR 1N YOUR C4S3, 4 M1LD COM4 WOULD PROB4BLY B3 B3TT3R.</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: YOU COULD US3 TH3 SL33P.</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: JOHNNY?</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: 4R3 YOU ST1LL TH3R3?</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: C4N YOU R34D TH1S?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT]</span>
  <span> is now idle</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="terezi">GC: FUCK.</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: DON'T WORRY, JOHNNY.</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: 1 W1LL H4NDL3 TH1S.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">gallowsCalibrator</span>
  <span class="terezi"> [GC]</span>
  <span class="pesterlog"> is now idle</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog">gallowsCalibrator</span>
  <span class="terezi"> [GC] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">is no longer idle</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="terezi">GC: 1 H4V3 D3C1D3D TO TURN 4 COMMON 3N3MY 4G41NST H3R.</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: SH3 W1LL L1K3LY B3 S3V3R3LY WOUND3D TH3 N3XT T1M3 W3 M33T.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">gallowsCalibrator</span>
  <span class="terezi"> [GC] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">is now idle</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog">gallowsCalibrator</span>
  <span class="terezi"> [GC]</span>
  <span class="pesterlog"> is no longer idle</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="terezi">GC: UPD4T3S- VR1SK4 KN3W 1 W4S 1NVOLV3D 4ND NOW 1 4M BL1ND.</span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: SO B4S1C4LLY TH4T W3NT HORR1BLY.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">gallowsCalibrator</span>
  <span class="terezi"> [GC]</span>
  <span class="pesterlog"> is now idle</span><br/>
<span class="pesterlog">ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT]</span>
  <span class="pesterlog"> is no longer idle</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="john">GT: (shit!)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i should never have gotten you involved.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (terezi?)</span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i will catch you later then. don't do anything stupid.)</span>
</p>
<p>You did not write those messages. Must have been future you again. Ugh, this is such a headache to keep track of all these retcons. There are more conversations from Tavros and Aradia and even Rosean wondering if you are okay before being informed by Terezi that you were likely asleep. Even Daevid had left you a 'sorry your lusus died' comment.</p>
<p>Fuck. It has been three nights. While you were unconscious, everything went to shit. Your tealblood friend cannot see anymore. That is a cullable disability. Shit. You are about to figure out retconning backwards to try and prevent spiderbitch from blinding Terezi when you spot a sticky note on your husktop. </p>
<p><span class="john">(hey. don't try to stop it.)</span><br/>
<span class="john">(she is happier this way.)</span><br/>
<span class="john"> -FGT </span></p>
<p>You pause. </p>
<p>Actually, come to think of it, the Terezi you knew from The Game had always been blind. It was kind of her whole deal. She was the weird blind alien who liked to write about smelling you and tasting your blood. Creepy, but so very Terezi. Trying to separate her out from her disability is pretty much impossible. </p>
<p>That is it, then. Vriska gets the last laugh. You do not have the heart to try and kill her, nor would that be what future Terezi wants. In fact, you think you could not even raise a hand against her unless she started another fight. Retribution is not in the cards, and neither is erasing the event. </p>
<p>Determined, you bring up the group thread for your practice sessions. If you are not going to do anything about fixing Terezi's blindness, you at least can make sure that she can still defend herself. After reassuring everyone that you are in fact still alive, you set about arranging another meeting. Normally you would not be doing one so soon after the last, but you figure you will have to retcon afterwards anyway so you will have plenty of time to catch up on your rest.</p>
<p>It is about halfway through your plans that a tingling sensation rises on the back of your neck. Turning around, you find your first actual ghost sighting to be a relief. Bunnydad is still around, after a fashion. He flaps his ears this way and that at you, saying something about 'SO PROUD OF YOU, SON. YOU MANAGED TO NOT ONLY FIX THE HIVE, BUT ALSO ARE LOOKING TO HELP YOUR FRIENDS.' </p>
<p>Aw, nooooo. He somehow produces a grubloaf complete with decorative mucus out of thin air. Nothing can ruin a moment faster than the embarrassing antics of a parental unit. Even though you hate the stuff, you suffer through one slice for him. You did sort of kill him, after all. Even if it was not you controlling your body at the time.</p>
<p>Wait. Fix the hive? Glancing about, you do note that all the holes have been patched over crudely. Huh. Looks like you are going to be looking into how to become a carpenter drone in the near future. Then again, your weapon is a hammer. This is probably where the universe starts laughing at you.</p>
<p>Having a couple nights before the group meet up, you set about making loops of retcons to fix everything. Sometimes literally, in the case of your walls and appliances. At one point you even remember to go back and place the knocked-out you into your recuperacoon, even though that means none of your future versions can use it for three whole nights. </p>
<p>Feeling accomplished, you zap yourself near Rosean's lake. Even if you are still exhausted mentally, retcon powers seem to still operate based on your intentions and passwords to unlock key events or places. Much more reliable than your telekinesis. When you knock on the giant door, it takes a few minutes for Rosean to eventually open it.</p>
<p>"Oh, Johnny," the indigoblood hostess seems honestly surprised to see you. "I was not expecting you to arrive early, considering recent circumstances. How are you feeling?"</p>
<p>"Migraine level is slightly above 'projectile vomit anything you stuff in your proteinchute' but just below 'actually physically unable to move.' So no worse than how the last session ended," you inform her as you slip into the hive. </p>
<p>She makes a rather disgusted face, "Are you saying you have been ill?"</p>
<p>"I am saying I haven't eaten in two nights," you correct. "I brought stuff to make food, though. I figure it will be a nice distraction from-" You cut off suddenly when you realize that the rumpus block already has a bunch of bodies filling it. Oh. Even Vriska is here.</p>
<p>"We were in the middle of having a discussion about what happened," explains Rosean. "And the consequences."</p>
<p>"Well, well, look who it is," smirks the blueblood. "I had a feeling you all were trying to have this little confrontation with Johnny absent, but your expressions just proved that. Is it because you are afraid of what he will do after I made him crush his own lusus? Or is it because you are afraid of what I will do to him if he tries anything?"</p>
<p>"Terezi," you approach her, intent on ignoring the grandstanding blueblood. You take her hand and place the canesword you had gotten crafted in her palm. "I'm so sorry. I never should have gotten you involved. I won't let you down again."</p>
<p>She reaches out blindly with her empty hand until she finds your face, then she bonks you over the head, "Don't be stupid. It's not your fault."</p>
<p>"You did nothing wrong," assures Tavros. </p>
<p>You shake your head, "I'm the friendleader. I should have taken care of the problem myself. But I thought that anything I said or did would be unproductive, since she would just mindcontrol me anyway. I never considered the risks when I asked Terezi to confront her."</p>
<p>"I am standing right here!" yells Vriska. "Stop talking about me like I am gone."</p>
<p>"As far as I am concerned, you are gone," Rosean's voice is curt. "You broke the fundamental rules of this group and are no longer a member."</p>
<p>"I don't want to hear that from you!" she shrieks. Then her tone changes to something almost coy, "I want to hear that from Johnny. What do you say, rustblood? Are you kicking me out?"</p>
<p>Finally glancing over at her, you are unsurprised to see the smug expression on her face. She really does think that you are weak enough that you will let her walk all over you, somehow afraid of her. Instead you feel nothing but remorse at what could have been. You cannot even look at her for more than a moment before your gaze slides to the side and your shoulders slump.</p>
<p>"Wow," she sneers. "I never thought I'd see the day where our mighty leader was defeated by my mere presence."</p>
<p>"I'm just so <i>disappointed</i>," you sigh. "I thought... I really believed that you could do better. That you could <i>be</i> better. ... I guess I was wrong."</p>
<p>Taking this as your dismissal, Aradia summarily boots her out of the hive. Before she leaves, the three indigobloods make it very clear that any further antagonizing actions on her part will be dealt with by them. You would be proud if you were not already so upset. You go to the meal block with the intention of starting some food, but you end up sliding down until you are sitting on the tile. </p>
<p>For the most part, the others leave you alone. You can hear them setting up the rumpus block for a session of grief. There is some quiet chatter, then silence. After a few minutes, one of them eventually draws the short straw to come and talk to you.</p>
<p>"I never thought you were the type of troll to use psychological warfare," Rosean settles down next to you.</p>
<p>"What?" you frown, trying to figure out how she came to that erroneous conclusion.</p>
<p>"You said probably the one thing that could pierce through her extremely inflated ego," points out your best friend. "You might not have noticed, but it really shook her. She was <i>speechless</i> after that- a trait I wish I had the fortune of seeing more frequently. Yet I am getting the distinct impression right now that the effect was completely accidental. So why did you say that you were disappointed?"</p>
<p>"Because I actually was."</p>
<p>When she simply stares at you, you explain, "I really did think we were making progress with her. Not just in the fighting arena, either. But like in her personality and morals. I should have known better."</p>
<p>"Oh," her face tinges blue. "That is... You actually consider our little group inclade."</p>
<p>You grimace, unable to tell her that you have considered them all crew since before you met them. Talk about creepy. Even if it is true. You really have no good way of explaining that you knew all of them from another universe, anyway.</p>
<p>"I think some of us are starting to feel the same," she continues. "There was just a conversation about bringing in some of our quadrantmates and other hatefriends to these sessions. Would you be willing to teach them as well?"</p>
<p>You shrug, "Why not. What are their strife specibi?"</p>
<p>"It is quite an eclectic mix," she muses. "Throwing stars, claws, lipstick, and... a culling fork."</p>
<p>"Oh." You turn that thought over in your head, "I'm surprised you would invite someone who uses... I mean, aren't you worried I'm going to run headlong into their weapon to impale myself?"</p>
<p>"I do not think you are as obsessed with the idea of being culled as you are with the idea that it is the inevitable conclusion of your life," says Rosean. "To that end, I believe meeting Feferi is perhaps for the best. Her unrestrained optimism is infectious and less morbid than Aradia's. Perhaps the two of you would have much to discuss."</p>
<p>"Maybe." You haul yourself back up to your feet, "Come on. We have griefs to arrange."</p>
<p>You somehow manage to get through the night, even though all your brain can concentrate on is how much of a failure you are for the entire situation with Vriska. This is exactly what you get when you start to slack off and do things like sleep and enjoy life. It blows up in your face. You thought you had been doing so well, though! She had not tried to stab anyone in the back in a couple perigees now. Maybe she was just biding her time.</p>
<p>Regardless, you have no intention of letting anyone else become a testament to your own shortcomings. You work closely with Terezi as she learns through her lusus how to navigate the world without eyes. When she manages to beat you in a grief, you consider her back to normal badassary levels. </p>
<p>You finally meet Sollux (the goldblood programmer), who is the user of throwing stars. He is such a little shit. Not wanting to use physical labor for anything, he constantly is trying to use his psychic powers at your weapons practice sessions. It takes Aradia arranging a whole second meeting to work on psychic abilities for him to calm down. You groan when she insists that you come as well. </p>
<p>The oliveblood cat girl is not a troll you particularly remember, but she is so friendly and enthusiastic that you are thrilled to have her along. Even if she keeps mentioning some other blueblood that everyone else seems uncomfortable discussing. They convince her to keep her participation in your sessions secret, but you have a feeling that will not last for long.</p>
<p>Kanaya uses lipstick to fight. More accurately, it is lipstick that inexplicably turns into a chainsaw. No one bats an eye at its appearance. Fuck it, you have seen weirder things. She and Rosean have this whole coy mutual pining thing going on that everyone rolls their eyes at because it is frankly ridiculous. There are bets placed for when they will actually start dating; Nepeta is the bookkeeper, of course.</p>
<p>The last troll is Feferi, which is a whole experience in of itself. First of all, she is the first seatroll you have officially met. Second of all, you are fairly sure that no one in the universe has the right to be that energetic. She makes Jadite look positively lethargic in comparison. Oh, and also she is a fucking tyrianblood. As in the Empress's own caste. Fuck your life.</p>
<p>"I'm so excited to meet you!" she gets right into your personal space and begins to shake both of your hands enthusiastically. "Rosean has told me so much about you!"</p>
<p>You side-eye your best friend, "Yeah, that is something I hear a lot from people."</p>
<p>Feferi simply laughs delightedly, "Nothing bad, I promise! She mentioned you were a great tactician and you somehow school all of your crew even though you are the youngest. She left out how cute you are, though. You reely are adorabubble!"</p>
<p>Assessing how everyone is taking having the heiress apparent at your little meet-and-greet, you come to the conclusion that she will fit right in. Jadite and Nepeta immediately take to her positive energy and start becoming a force of good intentions and bad ideas. Tavros seems uncertain what to make of her, and Daevid is bending over backwards to be ironically polite or whatever. The tealblood seems vaguely baffled by her antics, but Terezi is always willing to give newbies a chance to prove themselves. Sollux looks starstruck any time the tyrianblood is within visual range. </p>
<p>When she pulls out her weapon, though, the tension in the room spikes. </p>
<p>In her hands is what appears to be a solid gold, double-ended trident. You have not seen anything so pompous looking and yet terrifying at the same time since Meenah stabbed you. It is literally the shape that haunts the nightmares of every rustblood troll. Even the highbloods seem anxious. </p>
<p>You chuckle, "Double the culling capability."</p>
<p>All eyes turn towards you, expressions a mixture of incredulous and scandalized. Aw fuck. It was probably quiet enough that everyone heard you. You are so used to mumbling to yourself that you did not even think to censor your comments. </p>
<p>Ear fins drooping, she looks distraught, "It's not like that at all! Reely! The twotimestrident is the traditional weapon for all tyrianbloods, including-"</p>
<p>You interrupt with a grin, "Want to show me how you match up against her?" Her expression shifts to one of determination mingled with anger. Your hammer is out in a trice. </p>
<p>"Not this death obsession again," sighs Daevid.</p>
<p>When she lunges, you raise your hammer to block. The impact of the blow actually pushes you back a little. Wow! She is no pushover. After a second blow, you begin to get the feel of her strength. Your grin widens, because you think you can actually let loose a little. Anything you can dish out, she can probably take in stride. </p>
<p>With a twist of your wrist, you adjust your grip on your weapon and then you are lunging forward to meet her next attack. The two of you seem fairly evenly matched in terms of raw power. As you miss with a wide swing, you suddenly are forced to retreating when she finds the opening and pushes on the offensive. You roll to the side when her jab turns into a swipe, dodging beneath the trident. Obviously she has had formal training. You will have to tighten up your stance.</p>
<p>Even as you spring back to your feet with your hammer poised over your shoulder, she is already launching another attack. Shit. Her superior reach is a problem. You push forward instead of away and shove with your weapon. The tyrianblood is knocked off balance. You follow with a thrust, but she easily knocks your attack aside. The smile slips off your face.</p>
<p>Her next stab connects, just barely. The edge prong slices into your side. The weapon withdraws. Blood drips down gold. Your breathing stutters. She stabbed them. Your friends are dead and bleeding out. Her fuschia lips curled into a wicked smile. Glinting bling on her fingers. Three puncture wounds in a perfect row. Not again. You cannot live through this again. </p>
<p>You snap.</p>
<p>"<b>JOHNNY!</b>" someone roars.</p>
<p>You come slamming back into yourself. What. What just. You blink, trying to focus. Huffing a distance away from you, Feferi looks worse for the wear. She eyes you with a wariness that was not there before. With a sudden realization, you slap your sledgehammer back into your strife specibus. Shit. You look around and find everyone still carrying the tension in their posture. </p>
<p>You realize for the first time how terrifying you must be to them. A burgundyblood who fights like an imperial recruit. Who has no fear of death or dying. Who acts so much like a battle-hardened troll at least double his age. Who loses his Gogdamn mind over a little spilt blood. You are glad your psychic powers suck, because you think you are dangerous enough as it is. </p>
<p>"Bro," Daevid's tone is flat, like it always is when he is uncertain. </p>
<p>"Johnny, are you-" Tavros cuts off when you abruptly turn heel and march yourself into the meal block. </p>
<p>Once there, you start blindly reaching for pots and pans and ingredients, having memorized the layout of this kitchen ages ago. It is probably used more than your own at this point. (You try not to think about why.) Within moments, you have already gathered the supplies you need and set about making food for the guests. It is the one thing you feel like you can do right now without ruining everything.</p>
<p>"I <i>told you</i> we needed to find that boy a moirail," mutters Rosean. </p>
<p>"Yeah, well you were not exactly volunteering," Daevid sneers. </p>
<p>"Both of you quit it!" Jadite stops the infighting. "We are all to blame, but right now we have other things to tend to. Feferi, are you okay?"</p>
<p>"I'm fine," she insists. "Is that normal for him?"</p>
<p>"No, it really is not," answers Terezi. "I suggest we leave him alone for a bit. Something seems to have triggered his aggressor response."</p>
<p>"Shit, I didn't even think he had one of those," says Daevid. </p>
<p>You wonder if they know you are listening in on their conversation. Really, the meal block is not that far from the fighting arena. Realistically, though, discussions held in one part of the hive are considered private even if the entire group is eavesdropping. Deciding that it is bad for your health to continue, you tune them out while you get started. </p>
<p>Eventually someone enters the meal block. You half expected it to be Rosean again, but it appears as if the Heiress herself followed you. Still wallowing in regret, you cannot even look at her. She simply sidles up next to you and begins idly stirring the sauce on the stove as you work on mixing the dry ingredients for dough. The quiet only lasts for a minute as you work up your nerve. </p>
<p>"I'm sorry," you say.</p>
<p>"Look, Johnny," she begins, "I'm not sure what just happened, but I'm not going to cull you over a glubbing little wound."</p>
<p>"I'm sorry," you repeat, finally turning to face her. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to go so far. When we were fighting, I wasn't seeing you anymore."</p>
<p>She freezes, eyes wide. After a moment, she finds her voice, "Th-that's right. Rosean said something about you got really into learning to fight after something terrible happened to your old hatefriends."</p>
<p>Unable to trust yourself not to say something inane, you simply nod. </p>
<p>"I suppose in the heat of the moment, I look a bit like an Imperial Drone," she muses. At your snort, she continues, "Well, I mean, of course I am not that big or spikey. But I do use the same weapon. They were close to you, right?"</p>
<p>"My..." You swallow. Try again, "My old crew. All gone. I'm the only one left."</p>
<p>"Oh."</p>
<p>"Yeah."</p>
<p>There is an awkward moment of silence while both of you try to figure out where to go from here. The landmine you just dropped on the field was practically nuclear. Declaring that your old friends were crew is tantamount to saying that everyone you ever cared about died. Which is sort of true. Even if you did get a second chance with their troll versions, it was not the same. This Jadite was not your sister and never would be. The troll Daevid never went back through time to save your life from Terezi even though he knew it would doom him. Rosean may be your best friend, but you never brought her back from the dead with a kiss.</p>
<p>Life is weird. The silence in the rumpus room lets you know that everyone is listening in again. Great. If you get any questions about your supposed old crew, you think you might actually flip your shit. Well. More than you just flipped it, anyway. Regardless, it is kind of Feferi to offer this olive branch. She wants this to work as much as you do. </p>
<p>"Do you want help cooking?" offers Feferi. </p>
<p>You raise an eyebrow, "You know how to bake?"</p>
<p>Her face lights up, "Oh buoy, do I! I'm used to underwater pressure affecting my time and temperature, but I'm sure with you here I can get the hang of baking on dry land."</p>
<p>She is more than half-decent at cooking, which is no small amount of relief that you will not have another Jadite incident. Together the two of you make a veritable buffet. It is practically friendly, the way the two of you both inhabit this space and work together to make something for everyone. When she knocks your shoulders together playfully, you return the gesture. </p>
<p>It is with extreme awkwardness that the group welcomes you back to the rumpus room. They crowd around, clamoring for snacks and beverages. Yet they are eyeing you when they think you are not paying attention. It takes a moment for you to realize that Feferi is still leaning against you, her taller frame not nearly as heavy as you would imagine. It is... nice. You had honestly forgotten what it felt like to be casually in physical contact with another person without trying to kick their ass.</p>
<p> This apparently opens up the floodgates for touching. Nepeta glomps you after her fight, excitedly yammering about those super sweet moves of hers. At one point, Rosean politely touches your shoulder to get your attention instead of clearing her throat. Later when Daevid decides to use your head as an armrest while talking to Terezi, you do not even bother to shake him off. </p>
<p>It is like you are surrounded by people who actually care about you again. They might not be the inclade you remember, but they are still inclade nonetheless. Your bloodpusher feels too tight in your thoracic cage. You only wish that this could last.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Exigent</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"What does the rebound feel like?" asks Aradia. </p>
<p>You are currently flat on your back, contemplating your life choices. Psychic Power Practice (or P3, as you shorthand it) is a joke. No matter how much you try, most of the time objects stubbornly refuse to move as your headache builds. Then when stressed (or Sollux throws an object at you again) it will suddenly work. Except the consequences thus far easily outweigh any benefits.</p>
<p>"It feels like shards of windowpane slicing their merry way through my thinkpan," you say. "Immediate recoil pain. I once lifted another troll and promptly passed out."</p>
<p>"That... doeth not thound normal," Sollux frowns. "Migraineth are one thing, but what you are dethcribing goes beyond a thimple burnout. Motht burgundybloodth are thimply ecthhauthted after overuthing their powerth."</p>
<p>"What about when Vriska mindcontrolled you?" Aradia tilts her head. "Terezi said that she made you kill your lusus. That sounds like something far outside your normal range of ability."</p>
<p>"She demolished my meal block," you try to remember. "I don't remember the actual event, just the stuff I had to clean up afterwards. My crisprange and meal vault were thrown through the walls. So were most my storage cabinets. I also went into a coma for three nights."</p>
<p>"Ah, I remember that," she frowns vaguely. "It was very worrisome when you went dark for that long. Usually we cannot get you to log off for even a quick nap."</p>
<p>"You know, I think the problem here might be low energy retherveth," her boyfriend muses aloud. "If he never thleepth or eatth, then he cannot charge hith batterygrubth. Or he ith jutht that thucky of a thychic."</p>
<p>You groan, "That is what I keep saying, but no one will listen to me."</p>
<p>"That sounds like you are just giving up!" accuses Aradia. "Don't worry, Johnny. We will figure out how to unlock your true potential eventually!"</p>
<p>"At least he can fight," offers Tavros. "He held his own against even Daevid."</p>
<p>Happily the conversation eventually leaves bashing your lack of telekinesis and turns to other matters. Honestly these P3 meet ups are nice. You rarely hang out or chat with just your lowblood friends anymore. It seems that all your social events always end up a giant mishmash of trolls until there is hardly time to properly greet everyone, let alone give them one-on-one attention. </p>
<p>When you return home, you are surprised to find a future you at your husktop. Pausing, you wait in the doorway until he notices you. Then you raise your eyebrows at him, and he sighs. </p>
<p>"Long story?" you hazard a guess.</p>
<p>"<i>Gamzee</i>," he hisses.</p>
<p>Your brow furrows, "Who-"</p>
<p>"The clown troll," explains future-you. "Purpleblood subjuggulator." </p>
<p>Oh. Right. You had conveniently forgotten that one of those existed. </p>
<p>"Look, I'm fielding this conversation because you don't know him yet, but you have work to do," he hands you a note. "After you talk to your other hatefriends, go to these retcon points. The rest should be pretty self-explanatory. Oh, and tell them you invited him along."</p>
<p>"Okay," you frown, looking at the keywords. Oh. Well that did not sound fun.  When you look up again, future-you is climbing into your recuperacoon. Okay then. Looks like he meant right now, not later. Ignoring the most recent contact on your chump roll, you turn to your private threads.</p>
<p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: SO I HAVE HEARD FROM TWO OF MY HATEFRIENDS NOW THAT THIS LITTLE GROUP IS SET UP FOR PRACTICING GRIEF. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I WANT IN. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: hey its shouty romantic comedy guy</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: OH. W3LL TH1S SHOULD B3 D3L1C1OUS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: strange this is our protected forum </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: who let him in here anyway </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: this is kind of a private party </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: okay. ii know for a fact that ii diid not give you the pa22word for this forum. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: ii told you that ii cannot iinviite ju2t anyone two the2e thing2. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: IT IS CALLED BLACKMAIL, DOUCHEWAFFLE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: EITHER YOU LET ME IN ON THIS WHOLE FIASCO, OR I TELL THE PROPER INDIGOBLOOD ASSHOLE WHERE HIS AUTISTIC CATGIRL MOIRAIL DISAPPEARS TO EVERY OTHER WEEK. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: :33 &lt; *ac enters the chat a bit chagrined.* </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; *hackles raise* </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; of course it was you who let the gray fuckass in!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: down harls </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: it still has to go through johnny on whether or not you can join </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I must admit that I am møst interested in høw øur friendleader will respønd tø this situatiøn. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHAT KIND OF TITLE IS FRIENDLEADER ANYWAY? YOU CANNOT BE A LEADER AND ALSO SOMEONE'S FRIEND. THAT IS NOT HOW THAT WORKS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (well i like to think of myself as their friend first. they are the ones who insist that i am the leader.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: OH. MY. GOD. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: IT'S *YOU*!  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THE ASSHOLE WHO WRITES IN BRIGHT FUCKING CRIMSON EVEN THOUGH HE IS A BURGUNDYBLOOD. THE ONE WHO CANNOT TELL DECENT CINEMA FROM A DUMPSTER FIRE IF IT SMACKED HIM RIGHT IN THE CARTILAGINOUS NUB.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: looks like you left an impression egbert  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: down kk. try two make a good iimpressiion here. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (look, if you want to join that is fine. but you have to follow the rules.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: 1 C4N M4K3 SUR3 OF TH4T. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: :33 &lt; yay!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: :33 &lt; it will be so much fun, karkitty! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; are you sure about letting this guy come?? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (no worries, jadite.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i might be bringing a new member along myself.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Indeed? I thøught yøu did nøt assøciate with anyøne whø was nøt already a part øf øur crew. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: i am also intrigued about this mysterious person </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WAIT. ARE YOU ALL SERIOUSLY INCLADE? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: pretty much. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: i mean i hate putting a label on this weird thing we have going on </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: where i would rip off someones face for looking at harls or egbert or even lalond in a way i do not like </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: but if i did i think crew probably sums it up fairly well </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (d'aww. you do care.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: 1 4M MOR3 CUR1OUS 4BOUT TH1S N3WCOM3R. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I will have tø inførm Feferi and Kanaya øf these new develøpments when they cøme ønline. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: :33 &lt; *ac must go update her shipping wall!!!* </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i have to go for a bit.) </span>
</p>
<p>Yikes. You leave that trainwreck of a conversation and look down at your hastily scribbled message. Looks like you are going to be busy for a little while. Logging off of Trollian, you spare your future self a final glance. He is already soundly asleep. You are on your own.</p>
<p>
  <b>==&gt; B4RD OF R4G3 </b>
</p>
<p>You zap into existence somewhere near the coastline, you think. There is a distant roaring of the ocean past the walls of the hive you are in, and the tang of salt rime is on the air. What you see, however, is just a recreational block. Couch, television, tall foreboding figure in the doorway- all the usual stuff.</p>
<p>"You!" hisses the silhouette. Before you know it, he has flashstepped over to try and club you. You narrowly block with your own hammer. Was that a bowling pin? </p>
<p>"You think you can just WALTZ IN HERE WHENEVER YOU WANT?" he alternates between quiet hissing and deafening shouts. "Well, let me get some knowledge on a brother. YOU CAN'T! I DON'T CARE IF you said the sopor was bad for me. BEING SOBER IS BAD FOR ME TOO!"</p>
<p>Looks like talking will get you nowhere. You instead decide that a strife is the way to go. He is just as fast as Daevid, and possibly stronger too. When you knock a club out of his hands, another simply replaces it. Frustrated, you clip his long wavy horns with a wild swing and he goes crashing to the ground with an unholy scream. Oof. Yeah, you do not envy that panache.</p>
<p>Now, he had said something about sopor? Overdose, maybe? Or withdrawal? You have no idea how you would look up the symptoms of either on your limited access to the trollnet. Instead of putting him in his recuperacoon, you simply make a pile out of random junk you find and haul him into the middle of it. There are so many bike horns. So many.</p>
<p>Somewhat at a loss of what to do next, you take a quick peek around the rest of the hive. It is surprisingly normal, except for the suspicious lack of real food in the meal block. Well, you can fix that. It is not like you really use all of your food credits anyway. </p>
<p>After refilling his kitchen and making a meal that you place in the warming block, you start to get antsy. There are a lot of keywords yet to be unlocked. You wonder if you should be here when he wakes up, though. In the end you decide that you will simply zap back to this point in time after you go to all the others.</p>
<p><b>==&gt; B34CH 1NV4S1ON </b><br/>(don't let him kill them)</p>
<p>When you retcon to the next plot point, you immediately see the purpleblood facing off with three pissed off seadwellers. Well. That is sure to end horribly. Probably for them. You shift through your inventory until you come upon a pie you do not remember being there. Perfect.</p>
<p>The launch hits the leader directly in the face. You would help the highblood further, but you are too busy busting a gut laughing. Oh man. Her face! You wish you had a camera. A grating, honking laugh catches you off guard. It seems your purpleblood companion also found your antics hilarious. Although you had been wondering how the two of you were supposed to get along, you are now feeling more optimistic.</p>
<p>Of course, there is still the matter of the enraged violetbloods. After you help soundly kick their asses, you tell them to swim off before the purpleblood can even consider culling the trio. The way he moves and acts right now seems very different from your last experience. You cannot say for certain yet, but you think perhaps this is the highblood under the influence. </p>
<p>"I be thankful to you, my fine invertebro," he grins, all needle-sharp fangs. "What be your name?"</p>
<p>"Hey, I'm Johnny," you introduce yourself, somewhat relieved to be at the apparent beginning of this whole fiasco. </p>
<p>"Gamzee," nods the imposing troll. "What's a wee fellow like yourself doing all the way out here?"</p>
<p>"Just passing by," you shrug. "Thought you could use some help driving them off."</p>
<p>"That I did," he says. "That I did. You want an ice cold Faygo for your troubles?"</p>
<p>You squint, "Um, sure?" You had no idea trolls even had Faygo. It is not a soda you really ever remember drinking, but it had somewhat of a reputation of being garbage. As you follow the highblood into his hive, you kind of hope that is not true. (It is.)</p>
<p>Trying to be polite, you finish the disgusting orange-flavored drink just before your host finishes his. Of course, this means that he then offers you another one since you are so thirsty. Shit. You have to drink that one, too. About your third Faygo in, you begin to realize that everything is a bit fuzzy around the edges and your stomach is doing this clench-gurgle-slow flip thing in warning. It takes a little while for you to come to an unpleasant question. Are you drunk? Off cheap pop? What the heinous fuck? </p>
<p>Eventually you manage to excuse yourself and levitate a good distance away before promptly hurling. Ugh. Gross. It tastes the same coming up as going down. You wipe your mouth on your sleeve and continue on with your night. Resolving to remain vigilant against gilded offers in the future, you turn to your list of keywords.</p>
<p><b>==&gt; CLOWN1NG 4ROUND</b><br/>(hang out time)<br/><b>==&gt; 4M3R1C4N P13  </b><br/>(destroy them)<br/><b>==&gt; DOWN W1TH P13S </b><br/><b>==&gt; 1T </b><br/>(now replaced as scariest clown you've ever seen)<br/><b>==&gt; HONK</b><br/>(shit it got worse)<br/><b>==&gt; TH3 C4K3 1S 4 L13</b><br/>(HOW DID IT GET WORSE?)<br/><b>==&gt; COMM1S3R4T3</b><br/><b>==&gt; DOWN W1TH P13S 2: TH3 R3BOOT</b><br/><b>==&gt; M4G1C SHOW </b></p>
<p>The rest of the timeline skips are thankfully in chronological order. Mostly they involve you and Gamzee either hanging out or strifing because you are destroying (or stealing) all of his sopor pies. He gradually becomes more and more sober over time. Through it all, you get to know the purpleblood a little better. </p>
<p>Like Daevid, he can flashstep. His lusus is always gone, until one day he actually dies and is gone for good. Every now and then bouts of ecstatic rage course through his veins, and the sopor is the only way he knows to keep it at bay. He only chats online with other trolls because he is afraid of killing anyone he meets in person. Supposedly his caste are mostly expected to be Subjuggulators and he wears the paint of the Messiahs but sometimes feels like he is faking everything.</p>
<p>You meet your first troll ghosts. They are victims of one of his rages. You would feel more guilty about not going back in time to save them if they were not the most annoying of assholes. Eventually you make peace with them and help Gamzee see and talk to them as well. It really seems to solidify his resolve to not be a murdering dickwad. </p>
<p>During this time, you get back into magic tricks. They serve as a distraction for the purpleblood as well as yourself. You tell him about your crappy psychic powers and the whole ordeal with Vriska and how much you just want your whole inclade to get along. He simply pats your head and hands you a Faygo. You remember never to drink them.</p>
<p>Eventually you have completed all of your appointed tasks. There are no more keywords on your tattered note. Feeling like this is the end of an era, you retcon to Gamzee's hive for what you hope is not the last time.</p>
<p>
  <b>==&gt; B4RD OF R4G3 </b>
</p>
<p>When you zap back, you are unsurprised to find yourself hanging out in a random block. You avoid running into past you by remaining until he tucks Gamzee into the pile. Then you zap to that room. </p>
<p>He looks so peaceful right now. The pile, although made with a plethora of things not normally considered comfortable, looks inviting. It has been ages since you have rested, let alone slept. You are so very tired.</p>
<p>When you wake, it takes you a moment to place yourself. Oh. Oh shit. You fell asleep. In the pile. The one that already had an unconscious highblood in it. A mini-Subjuggulator who is currently missing. You are somehow still alive. This is greatly concerning.</p>
<p>Wandering around, you find him in the meal block. He is eating the food you had placed in the meal warmer yesternight (ages ago). When he raises his eyebrows at you and gestures to the plate, you nod. Then you go and sit down at the table next to him. </p>
<p>"You're supposed to feed a motherfucker dinner <i>before</i> you woo him into a pile," jokes Gamzee, but it falls flat.</p>
<p>This is a disaster. </p>
<p>You do not want to lead him on. It is weird enough that everyone suddenly seems interested in you in a way that no one ever has been before. Literally three years and some change and no one had ever wanted to date you. Except, you guess, Vriska apparently dated a dead version of you, but even they broke up. Now it is like everyone is fixated on you in an entirely unhealthy way. </p>
<p>How do you explain to them that they are still children compared to you? You have already lived a whole different life, but in your head this one is just a continuation of the last. Which means that you feel like you are approaching your late twenties. (Not even counting all the retcon nights you have lost.) It is weird to have all your teenage friends wanting to be in relationships with you.</p>
<p>"Look, it don't have to mean anything if you all up and don't want it to," offers the highblood, interrupting your musing. "It don't take much of a pan to put together how uncomfortable a motherfucker is right now."</p>
<p>This should not be such a relief, but you still quirk a small smile, "Thanks."</p>
<p>The rest of the evening is spent in companionable silence. </p>
<p>When you say goodbye to Gamzee, you promise him that you will invite him to one of your group meetups. Then you zap back to your own hive. Before you even have time to relax, though, there is a notification going off on your husktop. Grumbling to yourself, you go to glance over the message and make sure it is nothing important.</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">terminallyCapricious</span>
  <span class="gamzee"> [TC] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">began trolling ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: So WaS yOu SeRiOuS aBoUt Me CoMiNg To YoUr WoNdErFuL dIsPlAy Of MaNgRiT? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: bEcAuSe It HaS bEeN a FeW nIgHtS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: it is not like i got the worry all up in my thinkpan or anything... </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: BUT A BROTHER COULD LET A MOTHERFUCKER KNOW WHAT TO EXPECT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: it is kind of a big deal to meet your crew i suppose. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: I WILL BE ON MY BEST BEHAVIOR, I CAN PROMISE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: Aw FuCk. YoU mUsT bE oFfLiNe. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: AnD hErE i WaS sPeWiNg FeArMoNgErInG aNd DeSpAiR. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: i WiLl TrY aGaIn LaTeR. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (wait! i'm here.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (sorry, i was away for a second.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: hEy JoHnNy! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (did i even give you my username?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: I mAy HaVe SeEn It On YoUr PaLmHuSk OnCe. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (creeper.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: :O( </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i am totally serious about you coming to fight club.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: :O) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (you have to remember no serious injuries, though.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: AnD nO pSyChIc PoWeRs. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (yeah, but that one doesn't really apply to you.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (flashstepping is allowed. we actually have someone in the group already who can do that.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: ... </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: BrOtHeR. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: wHaT aBoUt My ChUcKlEvOoDoOs? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (... your what.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: the dark magic i can do to see into a troll's deepest fears. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: AND THEN MAKE THOSE FEARS CONSUME THEIR EVERY THOUGHT AS THEY SLIP INTO PANIC. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: the sweet dreams that i can twist and make so sour even sopor will not assuage them. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: THOSE FUCKING PSYCHIC POWERS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (don't you yell-whisper at me, mister.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (nightmare fuel powers or not, i will kick your ass again.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: HoNk! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (don't you honk, either!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (sheesh! i just didn't know you even had those powers.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (wait. did you ever even try to use them on me?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: ... </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: MaYbE iN tHe VeRy BegInNiNg. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: BuT tHe FeArMoNgErInG sEeMs To JuSt MaKe YoU mOrE aLeRt AnD cUrT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: aNd YoU nEvEr SlEeP, sO nO nIgHtMaReS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (so basically due to ptsd and insomnia i am practically immune to your voodoo thing.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (huh. weird to have a silver lining in those things.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: ? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (anyway- i will pick you up in two nights.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (if that is okay. i just figured you might want someone to help direct you to the right place.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: sOuNds GoOd, InVeRtEbRo. :O) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (cool. see you then.) </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">terminallyCapricious</span>
  <span class="gamzee"> [TC] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">has ceased trolling ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="pesterlog">terminallyCapricious</span>
  <span class="gamzee"> [TC] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">began trolling ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: (&lt;&gt;) </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">terminallyCapricious</span>
  <span class="gamzee"> [TC] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">has ceased trolling ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="john">GT: (!!!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (#⊡ Д ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (no wait you get back here buster!) </span>
</p>
<p>UUUGH! How does that guy always manage to get on your last fraying nerve? Aw, man. Past-you should be here any minute. Right now all you want to do is go to sleep. You scribble the keywords and a few notes onto a slip of paper and are a gigantic dick to him. Then you go crawl into your recuperacoon and wallow in your shame. 'It doesn't have to mean anything' your ass!</p>
<p>When you awaken, you are entirely unsurprised to find you have overslept, yet there is a chat open where you were talking to your friends again. Right. You retcon back a night to get to the correct time for the meetup. Informing everyone that you will be arriving later than usual because you are picking up the newcomer, you are surprised at the relatively few number still online. You suppose the others must already be on their way.</p>
<p>You zap to Gamzee's beach (a now familiar place) and then walk up to his hive. He answers the door on your second knock. For a moment you simply stare. It has been a while since you have seen him look so put together. Clothes clean and intact, sandals on the right feet. Even his facepaint appears to be newly applied.</p>
<p>Underneath the makeup, his face tints purple, "Can't a brother up and want to make a good first impression?"</p>
<p>You laugh and shake your head, "Gamz, they won't care what you look like. Probably everyone will just be relieved if you don't attempt to cull any of them. Anyway, they all hang out with me. I would not worry about your particular brand of crazy not meshing with the others'."</p>
<p>Without even thinking about it, you offer him your hand as you lead the way. You are so used to directing the others and being the bestest of friends that casual hand holding is commonplace. However, none of the others have gunned so hard for your pale quadrant. By the time you realize your mistake, it becomes clear that the highblood has no intention of releasing your nub. Fuck. Point to Gamzee.</p>
<p>He is still clinging to your arm when you knock on the door to Rosean's hive. Looking somewhat harried, she greets you with a quick 'Thank goodness! Get in here!' You wonder what could possibly have gone wrong now.</p>
<p>"I insist that it is most improper for Nepeta to be involved with any group that contains so many lowbloods," the hulking guy with the broken horn is saying. "Besides the fact that none of you have anything to offer me but empty assurances for her wellbeing, there is the matter that no good can come of her patronizing this establishment. She is already an able fighter, and any foe she cannot handle I will personally destroy."</p>
<p>"Well, here is our friendleader now," smirks Daevid from where he is propping up the wall. "Maybe he can enlighten you to how we handle this kind of talk in the group."</p>
<p>Even behind the shades, you can sense his gaze slide over you dismissively and settle squarely on your lanky companion, "Ah! Highblood! I was not aware that this was your doing."</p>
<p>Gamzee shakes his head and finally releases your hand to simply point a claw in your direction. Again, you can feel the indigoblood glance over you and find you distinctly lacking. The strained, somewhat formal smile he had plastered onto his face begins to slip into a scowl. You bet you can guess his major bullet points in his argument already. Fun.</p>
<p>You put on your best grin, "Hello there! I'm Johnny! Is there a problem you'd like to discuss?" Everyone immediately perks. Between your overly-friendly demeanor and your tone of voice, this is your equivalent to cracking your knuckles before you pull out your warhammer. They are all waiting for the real show to start.</p>
<p>"This is a joke," he states, clearly unamused.</p>
<p>"Nope!" you cheerfully inform him. "I am Johnny, and I arrange these sessions to help teach other trolls how to fight in realistic settings. We only have two rules: no serious injuries and no psychic powers allowed. Anything else, within reason, is allowable. Although everyone has to answer to me or Terezi should things get out of hand."</p>
<p>"And what exactly would a <i>filthy rustblood</i> know about real fighting?" sneers the hulking troll. "Your kind are telekinetic mayflies that are best suited to serving others before their extremely short lives end. The only combat you will ever see is the kind scripted for a screen."</p>
<p>Your smile simply stretches, "You know, I would <i>love</i> to show you just what I know about fighting. Let me square things up for the other new members and then I can demonstrate." Without waiting for a response from him, you turn to survey the room. There he is! "Hi Karkat!"</p>
<p>The nubby horned troll splutters, "How in the blistering bulgerot do you know my name? I knew you were a creepy fucker with the emoticons, but upon walking into the hive the first thing you do is backtalk some indigoblood asshole and then call me out by name. I'm pretty sure only three people here even would know that information to tell you, and none of them would have done so for fear of my retribution."</p>
<p>"Don't mind him," serenely says Terezi. "He just has a case of the first meeting nerves."</p>
<p>"He'th having thecond thoughtth," explains Sollux.</p>
<p>That's right, hemoanonymity is a thing that is really important to him. This is... not exactly the best place to preserve that. Especially since for him it is as big a part of his persona as Terezi's blindness is for her. You frown, trying to figure out a way to ensure that there will be no cuts or obvious bruises. In the end, you can only come to one conclusion.</p>
<p>"I will be Karkat's sparring partner," you nod.</p>
<p>"What? Why?" Daevid's voice does the thing where it goes up about an octave and a half. </p>
<p>"I will admit that this does seem rather ill advised," agrees Kanaya.</p>
<p>"Hemoanonymity is really important to you, yeah?" you blatantly ask the troll in question himself.</p>
<p>"What kind of pan-rotten question is that?" he snarls.</p>
<p>You grin, "Then I'm your partner. I use a hammer, so there is no chance of accidental scrapes or anything. You still get to practice unleashing some grief, but your secret remains safe."</p>
<p>"I thought you were going to fight Equius," points out Rosean.</p>
<p>"Gamz can take Equius," you shrug. It is entirely true. Out of everyone here, he is the best fighter by far. Especially if you can get him to actually take the grief seriously. None of the others have ever even come close to actually killing you. </p>
<p>The purpleblood himself looks down at you, "Perhaps it would be best if my fine motherfucking invertebro took on the broken-horned indigoblood with his malfunction being the hemospectrum and all. He won't get anything I try to learn him since I'm a highblood."</p>
<p>Frowning, you consider, "That does actually make sense. But then-"</p>
<p>"I can fight your Karbro," he pulls out a club to gesture with. You outright wince. Yeah, that might be a good idea. Or it might be a terrible one that you have to retcon your way out of later. You gesture for Gamzee to get down on your level. He complies by bending over and placing his hands on his knees. Fuck him for being so outrageously tall.</p>
<p>You murmur, "No blood. None. If there is a single scratch or hemoidentifying bruise on him, I will pull your tongue out and feed it to you."</p>
<p>"I got your drift, bro," he affirms. Then he straightens back up, "You alright with getting your grief on with me, Karbro?"</p>
<p>Karkat's spine straightens, "I think I can handle the panaddled pet highblood of this farce of a crew."</p>
<p>Gamzee grins, "Motherfucking miracles. Though I believe first fight is already reserved."</p>
<p>You nod, "Alright. That's settled. Nepeta, no betting for this round. It's not fair."</p>
<p>"Awww!" she exclaims. </p>
<p>"Take your places!" announces Terezi as you both enter the designated area. "I am your referregal for this match. May the best troll win!"</p>
<p>He does not equip a weapon. You tilt your head. He simply gives a nasty grin. The next thing you realize, there is a fist flying towards your face. Ah. Well, that is surprising. It has been awhile since you have practiced hand-to-hand combat against a fistkind specialist. However, you feel as if pulling out Zillyhoo would be similar to cheating. Luckily you have a spare strife specibus card just for this very occasion. </p>
<p>Your armored greaves still fit like a glove. If gloves went on your shins, anyways. Formulating tactics against a larger (than usual) opponent, you begin to duck and weave under and around his swings. With your smaller size and increased speed, your maneuverability is far superior to most highbloods and you use that to your advantage with your own unique fighting style.  It is partially based on Circle Walking, somewhat incorporates kickboxing, and includes a lot of elements of that Brazillian martial arts that looked a bit like breakdancing to you. Basically, it is a lot of bullshit you have put together after too many perigees alone in your hive.</p>
<p>The newcomer has no idea what to do with your eclectic set of moves and tactics. Like all the other indigobloods, he shows a lot of rigid formality in his attacks as if he learned them from running drills. However, he also begins displaying a disturbingly rapid learning curve when he manages to catch you in the ribs during one of your dodges. The impact literally lifts you off your feet and knocks you a few paces back. </p>
<p>Oof. You think something cracked. Still, you are not out for the count yet. Determined, you start adding in attacks of your own to test his defense. Which is to say, you kick him a couple times. He stoutly refuses to dodge, but he does block your third attack when it becomes clear that you are actually causing some damage. Stupid highbloods. They somehow always believe they are invulnerable. </p>
<p>Having already been on the receiving end of those fists once, you are not keen on repeating the experience. You need to end this fight quickly. Soften, discombobulate, and knock down. Once he is on his back, you will assume he knows the fight is over. </p>
<p>You introduce your boot to his chest with a satisfying crack. However, your high kicks are still falling a bit short due to his huge frame. You plan really hinges on you getting a strike to land on his mug. Time to bring him down to your level.</p>
<p>A sharp kick to the solar plexus region causes him to bend over just enough. Your kneecap gets introduced to his left eye. Aw shit. You think you broke his shades. No time to waste, though. You sweep your leg under his feet and knock him flat onto his back. The bigger they are, the harder they fall is entirely true, judging from the hefty thump. </p>
<p>On the ground, he appears to be dazed and confused. You decide to use this to your advantage. Presenting yourself as both the winner and the benevolent friendleader of the group will only help to strengthen your position.</p>
<p>"Nice adaptation to new movesets," you hold out your hand to him, "but you're still a stuffy highblood who thinks he's too good to dodge. Moving is advantageous in multiple ways and can open up new avenues of attack for you. We'll practice your footwork next session."</p>
<p>After blinking a few times, the indigoblood takes your proffered olive branch. You haul him up onto his feet and glance up and down him once more for any major wounds. It appears the worst he will have to mend is his bruised ego. Everything else is just something for Nepeta to fuss over. You do make a mental note to replace his sunglasses, though.</p>
<p>"What happened to the hammer?" asks Karkat, brows bunched together in confusion.</p>
<p>"Oh," you blink. "It seemed unfair to equip a weapon when he did not have one. Zillyhoo also seemed like overkill, given the situation. It wouldn't be sporting of me."</p>
<p>Gamzee snorts, "Of course you'd be the motherfucker worried about whether or not defending yourself with your primary weapon was fair."</p>
<p>"You've, uh, really worked on your moves," grins Tavros, offering a high-five you readily accept. "I haven't seen the greaves in a couple sessions."</p>
<p>"Again, one has to wonder who or what you are practicing against," Rosean shakes her head. "It certainly has not been any of us."</p>
<p>You sigh, knowing where this conversation is heading. Sadly you cannot simply tell them that you are fighting other versions of yourself displaced a bit through time. That probably would not go over well. This does bring up for discussion the fact that the broken-horned troll (Equius, you learn his name is) has a veritable army of fighting drones that he builds, destroys, and rebuilds. You quickly latch on to an idea where you can have training sessions that include some new opponents.</p>
<p>Having Nepeta help you talk her moirail into building things for all of you is a walk in the park. Jadite herself is really into robotics and is excited for an opportunity to show off her skills. The group even manages to convince Sollux to program them to have different modes based on the capabilities of the fighter. When Karkat offers to help, you are not quite sure why four trolls suddenly shout 'NO!' but your proposition to aid with coding is also rejected. </p>
<p>Things begin to slow down from their previous breakneck pace. </p>
<p>Strife sessions go well and everyone is learning how to fight together as a team. Psychic power practices are annoying, but a great way to keep up with your lowblood friends. You begin having sleepovers with Daevid and Rosean and Jadite so the four of you can hang out as your own little crew within a crew. Karkat marathons terrible movies with you whenever neither of you can sleep (which is often). You help Equius build a crossbow that can withstand his ridiculous strength. All in all, life is pretty good.</p>
<p>Which is why it comes as a nasty shock to you that blocks of time are going missing again. Several nights you wake up in completely different places than you remember being before you went to sleep. The final nail in the coffin is a conversation log that you discover between yourself and Vriska. A discussion you never remembered having fills the screen, along with several apologies. To her. She mindcontrolled you into asking for her forgiveness. </p>
<p>You are not sure what fantasy world she is living in where you need to win over her good graces instead of vice versa, but you have no intentions of reestablishing communications with her. On the other nub, you also refuse to get any of the others involved. You learned your lesson the hard way, and Terezi was the one who had to pay the price.</p>
<p>Her real motive for contacting you again becomes clear eventually. Her kismesis mentioned that his moirail was going to these fighting sessions on land and trying to keep it a secret from him. He plans on showing up unannounced to make sure that everything is on the up-and-up. You would appreciate the heads up if it were not for the fact that she wants back in the group as well. Mostly to ruin his fun, she claims. </p>
<p>You do not trust that statement. Refusing her outright will only piss her off, though. And you still have to figure out how you are going to keep her off your back when she can simply hijack your brain at a moment's notice. So you tell her that you will think about it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Exacerbate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>During a group fighting session, it finally happens.</p>
<p>Karkat gets nailed in the face by an errant swing of Jadite's rifle stock, and you see blood well up for a microsecond. Then he is clapping both hands over the wound, dropping his weapons to do so. You are luckily already in the field, so you are able to take action immediately without teleporting via retcon.</p>
<p>You plant yourself squarely between him and the rest of the room before anyone can so much as blink. Without even having to glance down, you place a foot over the single drop of spilled blood. Then you zap your Warhammer of Zillyhoo into your hands. This is a time for extra security if there ever was one. </p>
<p>"Karkat, meal block," you bark. "Cabinet on the left of the crisprange."</p>
<p>Catching your hint, he shuffles off into the back room. You ease your stance a little but remain in the same spot. If any of them want to get near the nubby-horned troll, they will have to go through you first. The others are slowly recovering from their shock.</p>
<p>"That was quite the reaction," Rosean's eyebrows are raised. </p>
<p>The blind troll muses, "He smells like-"</p>
<p>"<i>Terezi</i>," you growl. Actually growl. That is not a noise that you can make on purpose. Your subvocal thrumming sets everyone in the block on edge. The tealblood herself closes her jaws with an audible clack. </p>
<p>"Holy shit, Johnny," complains Daevid. "Chill."</p>
<p>"I don't see why you have to make a federal fucking issue out of this," Jadite frowns. "His dumb hemoanonymity thing is silly when he's with us! I mean, we don't discriminate against any of the castes here. That's kind of the whole point!"</p>
<p>"It is his secret to keep," you tell them. "I don't care if you think it is silly or even if it actually is! Until he is ready to tell us, it is not our right to know what his blood color is. So we are all going to wait out here until he is done patching himself up, and then we are going to continue our group grief practice like civil trolls."</p>
<p>"Is... Is that an order?" asks Equius.</p>
<p>Amongst the groans, you snap, "You know what? If it will get your creepy ass off my back for once, then yes. Yes, it is an order. I also hold you personally responsible for every other troll complying."</p>
<p>"Wait," freezes Tavros.</p>
<p>"Did he just-?" begins Terezi. </p>
<p>The hulk of an indigoblood grins, "You herd the leader! Everyone back to practice! Rosean, Sollux, and Terezi versus Tavros, Daevid, and Kanaya. Nepeta and I will act as mediators on Johnny's behalf. Oh my- I believe I need a towel."</p>
<p>You eject one from your sylladex without even thinking. Everyone stares. It takes the oliveblood's flabbergasted expression to realize that you effectively just undermined any badass points you had with them for the whole growling thing. Oh well. Might as well own this disaster.</p>
<p>"I fucking grubsit all of you. How is this a surprise anymore?" you deadpan. </p>
<p>Daevid smirks, "So if I asked for a massage with a happy ending later..."</p>
<p>"Keep going, bud. I could always use another ghost friend," you bluff. "Get back to your fight."</p>
<p>"I don't know about massages, but it would be bitchtits to have a Faygo right about now," presses Gamzee.</p>
<p>Taking a very long inhale and holding it, you close your eyes and pinch the bridge of your nose. You also decaptchalog a pink Faygo. Mirthful fucking Messiahs preserve you. You have somehow become a soccer mom. </p>
<p>"Holy thhit," exclaims Sollux. "Jutht what all are you carrying around? Can I get a new motherboard?"</p>
<p>"Ha-fucking-ha," you grumble. "Like my credits could get anything that you don't already have."</p>
<p>"That statement implies that you have already researched the going prices of pieces of technology," points out Kanaya. "Which I cannot imagine was done for your own benefit."</p>
<p>"It reely is adorabubble how much you take care of this crew," adds Feferi.</p>
<p>Exasperated, you pull your only remaining card, "Equius. I gave you a task. I will not be helping you with your crossbow practice later if you cannot even keep a simple meeting going according to schedule."</p>
<p>He makes a noise best described as 'Erp' before turning to the others. Several of them actually jump to attention before scurrying to do as ordered. When the focus is no longer on you (or the boy behind you), you relax. That was a close call. You will have to amend your training strategy again. After a few minutes, though, you begin to get worried. Surely that wound was not serious?</p>
<p>You edge to the doorway of the meal block but leave the door closed, "Karkat?"</p>
<p>"Don't come in!" he hisses. </p>
<p>"What's taking so long?" you whisper.</p>
<p>"I fucking split my lip," he says. "I'm not entirely sure how you expect me to just put a bandage on that."</p>
<p>"Wait just a second!" you have an idea. </p>
<p>"Pause!" you interrupt the fight in progress. "Hey, Kanaya?"</p>
<p>Still holding her chainsaw aloft, she raises a thin eyebrow, "Yes, dear?"</p>
<p>"Could we borrow your lipstick?" you ask. </p>
<p>For a moment, her eyes simply narrow. Then she nods, "I suppose you want plain black?"</p>
<p>"Yes please!" you chirp. She ejects a second one from her inventory and you scoop it up. "Thank you! Also, you are overbalancing again."</p>
<p>"Be a lusus for one troll at a time, Johnny!" snaps Terezi, obviously displeased that you interrupted her sweet moves. </p>
<p>You wrinkle your nose, "Daevid, she was going to get you with a sneak attack again. I don't know how you think you are a ninja when the blind girl keeps tripping you up."</p>
<p>Amongst their splutterings, you head back towards the meal block again. You know them too well. It is easy to redirect their unwanted attention. The boy in the kitchen, though, must be terrified. He very nearly had his secret revealed, and it was all your fault. </p>
<p>You shove your arm through the doorway, "Here."</p>
<p>"What is this?" he takes the item from your hand. "Makeup?"</p>
<p>"You have a better idea?" you frown in his direction.</p>
<p>"...No," admits Karkat. </p>
<p>"Then I'll leave you to it," you shrug.</p>
<p>"W-wait!" his voice rises a bit.</p>
<p>"What?" you frown.</p>
<p>"Get in here," he orders.</p>
<p>"<i>What?</i>" your eyebrows raise.</p>
<p>"There's not a mirror, so I need you to let me know if I look alright," he explains. </p>
<p>You suppose that makes sense. Sort of. You enter the kitchen and find him nervously chewing at his bottom lip, tube of lipstick still in hand. Narrowing your focus, you can see where the lip itself is slightly uneven, but it appears to already be covered up with generous gobs of black goo. Gross. Why do girls even do this? Your lips are already black. </p>
<p>You take the makeup from him, "Stop that. You're going to put a hole through your lip. Or at least chew off the lipstick, which kind of defeats the point of putting it on. Hold still."</p>
<p>Using the mangled tube, you manage to smooth out the glop until it is a nice even coat. Albeit probably too thick. Oh well. Only Kanaya and Rosean are going to judge you. When you pull back, you realize that Karkat's face is flushed red. Too red. Crimson, even. Fuck. Well, that answers that question. </p>
<p>"Wh-what?" he stammers.</p>
<p>"Just making sure we got it all covered," you back off a couple steps. "It looks good."</p>
<p>"So is this some sort of weird pale overture or more of your general weirdness?" gruffly asks the nubby-horned troll. "Because with you, it is really hard to tell."</p>
<p>"Just general weirdness," you tell him. "I... I really don't mean to lead anyone on or anything. I'm just not really interested in relationships."</p>
<p>"You mean right now?" he tilts his head, blush already fading. </p>
<p>"I mean like ever," you shrug. "I mean, who cares? I've got enough on my plate as it is with all of you. Besides, quadranting someone like me... well, I'll be dead when Ascension comes or shortly after, so it doesn't seem fair to anyone to put them through losing a quadrantmate that early."</p>
<p>"You are a stupid fucking rustblood," snarls Karkat. "What about Aradia, then? Do you think she should stop dating Sollux because he is going to outlive her? Or Nepeta and Equius? You think Gamzee cares about something as obvious as your lifespan?"</p>
<p>Your brow furrows, "Wait, what about Gamz?"</p>
<p>He takes a deep breath in through his nostrils, "Johnny. You are the single most moronic troll on the entire planet. You are equal parts fantastically lucky and extremely stupid. If an asteroid belt ran into our atmosphere, you would probably survive by just ignoring it and miraculously not a single meteor would hit you. Then the survivors of our civilizations will build monuments for your obliviousness."</p>
<p>"You sort of lost me on that one and what it has to do with our Subjuggulator," you admit.</p>
<p>"Johnny. He. Is. Pale. For. You," he grits out. "How this is unknown to you is concerning."</p>
<p>"I know!" you yelp. "I mean, we've talked about it. He knows I'm not comfortable pursuing... well, anything right now. So there is nothing to gossip about. No moirallegiance is being formed."</p>
<p>"You are an idiot," flatly states Karkat. "That highblood looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky just for him. Just because you said 'not now' does not mean that he gave up. In fact, fighting over your pale quadrant is practically the whole inciting cause of his and Daevid's black leanings towards each other. Neither one is willing to give up on you."</p>
<p>Your brain begins to short circuit. Daevid? Likes you? Like, <i>like</i> likes you? You have been hanging out with all three of your former-human friends a lot lately and had not noticed a change. They all equally are clingy people in their own ways. Honestly it would surprise you less to hear that Rosean is waxing pale for you, with how much she chides your bad habits. </p>
<p>"Shit, did you seriously not know about Stride?" the nubby-horned troll rubs his eyes. "How are you even the friendleader? You cannot see all the relationship drama going on around you. I guess I shouldn't even mention the other quadrants."</p>
<p>You cringe, "I really don't want to be the center of attention."</p>
<p>He stares, "Then you should have thought about that before you became an integral part of this crew. I wouldn't have let you in here to check my makeup if you had been anyone else. Not even Stride, the poor bastard."</p>
<p>"Oh," your stomach sinks. Even Karkat himself? </p>
<p>"Wipe that look off your face," he growls. "Don't worry, I gave up on that farce of a crush when I realized you didn't have a clue. And it wasn't pale, for your information. But you are so wrapped up in this inclade you are harmless anyway. It isn't a bad thing. You keep us all a cohesive unit."</p>
<p>"It doesn't feel like that," you shrug. "It feels like I always am juggling too many things at once, and I'm bound to fail sooner rather than later. No one ever tells me what is really going on anymore. But, whatever." </p>
<p>"Maybe if you had someone to help run these ridiculous sessions you wouldn't be so stressed," suggests Karkat.</p>
<p>"Like a co-friendleader?" you perk up. </p>
<p>"That is fucking stupid," he rolls his eyes.</p>
<p>"That's too bad," you heave a fake sigh. "I was going to appoint you to the job, but if you think it is that dumb..."</p>
<p>"What." he says. </p>
<p>"I suppose I could see if Rosean would like to-"</p>
<p>"Don't you dare!" he snarls. "If Lalond were any more involved than she already is, she would have us stopping our fights to knit doilies for our coasters. Who even fucking uses coasters?"</p>
<p>"So you think Jadite instead?"</p>
<p>"That's even worse!" exclaims the nubby-horned troll. "You know what, fine! If no one else you are going to promote is a serious consideration, I suppose I will have to do us all the favor of taking this position. I already have access to the forums, so getting everyone together will be easy enough. I'm not sure how I can help for those of us who don't use blades, though. How did you learn so much about all these different fighting styles, anyway?"</p>
<p>"Insomnia and trollnet," you quip.</p>
<p>Luckily you are saved from his no doubt scathing response by shouts in the next room. Wondering what it could possibly be now, you head back out. What you find is a seadweller scowling at your crew in a way that makes all your protective instincts go into overdrive. His shock of violet hair pings you as vaguely familiar, but you do not trust him anywhere near your friends.</p>
<p>Also a familiar face is next to him. </p>
<p>The blueblood looks just as smug as you remember, her smirk showing just a few too many fangs. Already your three indigobloods are bristling. They never took kindly to her interference with your brain, and she had been warned never to return. Luckily Feferi is already stepping forward, keeping them from outright engaging in a brawl. </p>
<p>"Eridan," her voice is dripping with disapproval. "If you wanted to come, why didn't you just glubbing say so? You're scaring all my hatefriends!"</p>
<p>"Maybe I just wwas just in the area and thought I'd drop by," he sneers, and you wonder to yourself if this is her moirail she is so concerned about all the time. Seeing him in person, you can kind of understand. He seems high maintenance, even for royalty. </p>
<p>"Yeah, right," Vriska rolls her eyes dramatically. "Like you didn't shamelessly beg me, your kismesis, to bring you to this hive specifically so you could check in on your moirail. Even though there are so many other things I could be doing right now."</p>
<p>"Like not being a traitorous bitch?" offers Daevid.</p>
<p>"It is, um, really not okay for you to be here," Tavros speaks up. </p>
<p>"I've had a few chats with your fearless leader about me showing back up," she huffs. "Actually, there he is now!"</p>
<p>Everyone turns to stare at you. Squaring your shoulders, you march out of the doorway of the kitchen with the intention to get things back under control. You disperse the others with a hand wave, sending them back to practice. They still are watching, bodies tense and eyes wary. You do not blame them. There is a traitor in your midst. </p>
<p>"Long time no see, Johnny," she taunts with her singsong voice. Ugh. </p>
<p>"Vriska," you acknowledge her presence. "When I said I would think about it, I did not mean show up at the next group meet as if nothing is wrong, and you know that."</p>
<p>"Well, you were just taking so terribly long to get back to me that I decided to take matters into my own hands," she flips her hair over her shoulder. </p>
<p>"That is kind of what got you in trouble in the first place," you point out.</p>
<p>"I didn't mindcontrol you or anything this time!" snaps the blueblood. "Sheesh!"</p>
<p>You sigh, "Yeah, that is a real improvement. Seriously, Vriska. You kind of fucked up. It's not like you can just suck up to me for it, or even mindcontrol me into letting you back in. You have to prove yourself to everyone."</p>
<p>She frowns, "I can prove that I'm a better troll now if you would just let me! Come on! It's not like Terezi even fucking cares that she is blind. Or is this about you lusus still? How big of a wiggler even are you? Newsflash- nearly everyone is missing a lusus at this point!"</p>
<p>"That doesn't excuse what you did," you tell her. "You betrayed our trust in you. You broke our rules. We only have two, Vriska! And you ignored both of them!"</p>
<p>"Look, if you won't even listen to me now, I can always influence you into changing your mind," says the blueblood.</p>
<p>"Sister," Gamzee is suddenly a huge presence behind you, protectively looming, "if you so much as influence his thinkpan on what he wants to make for dinner tonight, you will find yourself culled by clubbing. Get my meaning?"</p>
<p>"And who are you supposed to be?" sneers Vriska. "Moirail? Maybe something a little redder? Sorry, bucko, but Johnny and I have history. Complicated history. You're not welcome in this conversation, so go play with the other good little peons."</p>
<p>"Why don't a blueblood up and try to make me?" his lilting voice taunts.</p>
<p>"Gamz..." you warn. </p>
<p>"Gladly!" exclaims the blueblood.</p>
<p>There is a brief moment where you are frozen in place, concerned but unable to determine how you can intervene. Glancing upwards, you momentarily are stunned. Gamzee's eyes are glowing. Well, more accurately they are flashing slightly. You realize with a start what is happening.</p>
<p>"Hey!" you slap his upper arm. "No psychic powers!" </p>
<p>"Nothin' a sister didn't up and ask for," he grins, but his gaze moves off of her and returns to normal.</p>
<p>"The rules apply to you too, asshole!" you insist. Then you turn back to the blueblood, "Vris- oh. What the fuck, Gamz?"</p>
<p>She draws in a sharp breath, her stricken face doing no wonders for your already high anxiety. Immediately she attempts to put up a brave front, but it is too late. You can see the chips in her mask and the tremors of her arms. Honestly it is kind of terrifying to see someone who prides themselves on being so independent and strong freaking out so bad.</p>
<p>"Don't go digging where you don't belong, little spider," croons the purpleblood and okay, you have had enough of that. </p>
<p>"Dude, I can take care of myself," you insist. "Leave her head alone."</p>
<p>"She already had the fear up in her," explains Gamzee. "All I did was make her focus on it."</p>
<p>You take a deep breath, "Alright. You're in timeout. Go to the meal block and start cutting vegetables."</p>
<p>"But-"</p>
<p>"Nope!" you shake your head. "No arguing. Meal block. Now. Send Karkat out here, while you're at it. I need someone to help run practice while I deal with this mess. Tell him cofriendleader responsibilities start tonight."</p>
<p>You watch him walk off, making sure he is not going to just flashstep back the instant you turn around again. Then you take another look at the blueblood. She did not even interrupt that debacle with her usual grandstanding. You grab her wrist and lead her over to the couch pushed against a wall to make room for the fighting arena. After sitting her down, you decaptchalog a blanket over her.</p>
<p>"What the fuck is this?" she growls.</p>
<p>"It's a snuggle plane," you inform her. "It's for shock."</p>
<p>"I'm not in shock!" hisses the girl.</p>
<p>"You just had a Subjuggulator rummage around your thinkpan with malicious intentions," you snort. "Close enough. If you don't like it, you can always give it back."</p>
<p>Her response is to lean away and clutch at the fabric while faintly hissing. You consider that a win. In front of you, the grief group is getting ready to swap out members for fresh fighters. Your nubby-horned friend is already taking over the task of getting everyone to cooperate. Even if he gets things done mostly by shouting until everyone complies. </p>
<p>"So..." you begin. "You said you've gotten better. What does that even mean to you?"</p>
<p>"I'm stronger now," she declares. "Not just my psychic powers, either. I could totally take on Zahhak's fighting robots. I'm like the best fighter. I have my ancestor's old weapon now. Eridan and I are undefeated as a LARP team."</p>
<p>"That's... not at all what I meant," you sigh. "Vriska, to us it does not matter how strong you are or how good of a fighter you might become. Those are things we can work on helping you improve. That is kind of the whole point of this crew. When I said I expected better from you, it was your actions I was referring to. We are not in cahoots here. There is not supposed to be any plots of double-crossings or betrayals or-"</p>
<p>"I killed my lusus," she blurts. When you simply stare, she continues, "She was the whole reason I was always out trying to kill other trolls and the pressure was getting to me. And I fucking hated it. Are you happy now? I hated having to trick and cull all those pupas who were too gullible or dumb or orphaned. Eridan is going to be pissed, but I'm not helping him hunt for lususes anymore either. He'll have to do that on his own now."</p>
<p>"Oh," you say. </p>
<p>"That's it?" snarls Vriska. "I bare my heart to you and you just say 'oh.' Like this is some sort of-" She shuts up when you touch her arm.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, Vriska," you tell her. "That was an awful burden for you to carry. I'm glad it is gone, but I'm sorry you had to lose your lusus for it to happen."</p>
<p>"I'm not," she quickly says. "She was a huge bitch. And always so fussy, fussy, fussy! She never even tried to eat anything else, no matter what I hunted. I'm glad she's gone!" </p>
<p>"If you ever change your mind, I can help you talk to her again," you offer. "Turns out I'm way better at talking to ghosts than I am at telekinesis. I've gotten a lot of practice in lately."</p>
<p>"Who's dead?" she glances about, as if expecting to find someone missing.</p>
<p>You shrug, "A couple of my neighbors. Some trolls that tried to kill Gamzee. My lusus. Well, I guess most of our lususes these nights. You know, just other people."</p>
<p>"No one important," she affirms. "Good. I would have been pissed to hear that any of you were dead already."</p>
<p>You blink a few times, "You... Huh. I thought you didn't even consider us crew since the whole fiasco. That's-"</p>
<p>"Time's up!" Rosean interrupts your conversation. "I gave you your fifteen minutes, Serket. Now kindly get out of my hive before I demolish you."</p>
<p>"Alright, alright," says the blueblood. "No need to get your panties in a twist. It was getting pretty boring around here anyway. I will troll all of you later. Bye, Johnny~!"</p>
<p>You frown as she flounces out of the hive. No one should look that cheerful after having such a serious conversation. Some of the newer members are not entirely certain what all the drama is about, but they probably have at least heard rumors about the previous member of your inclade. It is not every night that an actual traitor comes calling.</p>
<p>"I can't believe her nerve!" exclaims Jadite. "Coming back here after what she did to Terezi and Johnny!"</p>
<p>"You really thouldn't put up with that, JN," Sollux remarks. "You'll jutht encourage her."</p>
<p>"Y-yeah," adds Tavros. "She did seem, maybe, a bit different, though."</p>
<p>"Fucking sister up and threatened to take over his mind when he didn't give her an answer she liked," grumbles Gamzee. </p>
<p>"That sounds like normal Spiderbitch behavior to me," Daevid crosses his arms. </p>
<p>You roll your eyes, "It's not like it would have been the first time. We have better things to do than gossip. Come on, back to practice."</p>
<p>It takes some cajoling from you and screaming from Karkat, but eventually the others do get back to taking the session seriously. The violetblood seadweller makes disparaging remarks about your leadership capabilities, your session setup, Rosean's hive decor, and landdwellers in general. However when Feferi snaps at him, he begins offering more constructive criticism. You consider his words (with a grain of salt) on your way to Gamzee's hive to drop him off and your quick zap back to your own.</p>
<p>Of course, by the time you get online there is chaos in the group forum. It begins with: </p>
<p>
  <span class="vriska">AG: So I have some ideas for fight clu8 that all of you are going to love!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="feferi">CC: )(ello t)(ere!! You )(ere to start more drama? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: I Am Very Certain That Our Crew Members Made It Clear That You Are Still On Probation. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; what the fuck??? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I AM GOING TO GO OUT ON A LIMB AND ASSUME THAT SERKET WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE ACCESS TO THIS FORUM ANYMORE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Certainly nøt. I am alsø cøncerned høw she might have happened upøn the new passwørd.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Relax! I just 8orrowed Tavros's mind for a moment.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: sORRY! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i COULDN'T STOP HER FROM DOING THAT, bEING A BRONZEBLOOD AND ALL,,, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: That Is Not Your Fault, Tavros. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: she would have gotten it one way or another </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="feferi">CC: T)(at does not sound very sporting. Nor like somet)(ing t)(at an inclade member would do.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: There is still the matter øf deciding what retributiøn tø distribute tø Serket. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; i vote we rip her into itty bitty pieces!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Perhaps Something A Bit More Reserved. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: I dare you to try anything, Jadite.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: wE SHOULD, pROBABLY, WAIT FOR JOHNNY TO ARRIVE, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: hE WILL KNOW WHAT TO DO,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: i prefer harleys idea</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I CAN TAKE CARE OF THIS. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">carcinoGeneticist</span>
  <span class="karkat"> [CG] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">has banned arachnidsGrip </span>
  <span class="vriska">[AG] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="karkat">CG: ADMIN PERMISSIONS, BITCH. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Well, That Was Unexpected But Greatly Appreciated.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (guys i was gone for like the minimal amount of time possible.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (what happened?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: shit bro new record </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: did you fly the entire way </span>
</p>
<p><span class="pesterlog">ghostyTrickster</span> <span class="john">[GT] </span><span class="pesterlog">has unbanned arachnidsGrip </span><span class="vriska">[AG] </span></p>
<p>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Why Would You Immediately Unban Her? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: OH GODDAMMIT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (vriska!!!)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (＃⊡ 皿 ⊡)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Oh, come on! It's not like I'm hurting anything!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; stop taking over our friends!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: Do I nEeD tO pUt ThE fEaR iN a BiTcH aGaIn? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: BECAUSE I WILL! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (down gamzee!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: Let me make myself very clear. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: If yøu cøntinue tø alter the thøughts øf øur crew, ør blatantly mindcøntrøl them, I will kill yøu.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; only if i dont kill her first!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (not you two as well...) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: tHREATS ARE, pROBABLY, nOT HELPING, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Sheesh! I haven't even done anything yet! No need to 8ring out the culling forks. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: The Problem Is That You Are In Fact Doing Things Right Now. Things That Are Distressing To Our Crew. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="feferi">CC: I don't know about culling, but as the )(eiress, I can certainly make t)(ings less than ideal for you.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: yeah i have no problem culling you if you keep this up </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: It's like you all don't even want to hear a8out my awesome plan. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: LOOK. I DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE SORDID HISTORY FROM YOUR PERSPECTIVE, BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT YOU ARE THE DIRECT CAUSE OF TEREZI'S WEIRD SEEING THROUGH SMELL THING AND JOHNNY NOT HAVING A LUSUS. PERSONALLY, THAT IS ENOUGH FOR ME. IF YOU WANT ANYWHERE NEAR THIS CREW EVER AGAIN, YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO SHAPE UP. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: START BY NOT SOLVING EVERY PROBLEM THAT YOU COME ACROSS BY USING MINDCONTROL. PARTICULARLY AVOID TAKING OVER THE THINKPANS OF TROLLS IN YOUR CREW, YOU TAINTCHAFFING TWAT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I applaud yøur use øf alliteratiøn. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YES, LALOND. THAT WAS THE IMPORTANT PART OF MY SPEECH THERE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Who died and made you 8oss?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THANKFULLY NO ONE HAS DIED. HOWEVER, YOUR BENEVOLENT BURGUNDYBLOOD QUARTERMASTER HAS APPOINTED ME HIS "cofriendleader" IN RESPONSE TO RECENT EVENTS. MEANING THAT AS FAR AS YOU ARE CONCERNED, MY WORD IS AS GOOD AS HIS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Haha! Yeah, right! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: I want to hear from him what he thinks a8out me coming 8ack to the group. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="feferi">CC: Not t)(is again! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Johnny?  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: see the lack of response here indicates you are posturing again </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i AM NOT SURE THAT HE WANTS TO TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW, vRISKA, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: yOU DID KIND OF JUST MINDCONTROL HIM,,, aGAIN, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; yeah!!! and who would want to talk to you anyway you jerkbutt??? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: DOWN, HARLEY! YOU ARE JUST INFLAMING THE SITUATION. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: If yøu really want tø knøw høw he feels abøut this, why nøt ask him øutright? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: He can speak for himself, you know! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Come on, 8uddy. 8e honest with me. How upset are you a8out a little sharing among friends? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: He Does Not Have To Respond If He Does Not Wish To Do So. Johnny, Do Not Feel Pressured By Her Or Your Well-Meaning Hatefriends.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: BrO i Am StArTiNg To WoRrY. aT lEaSt TaLk To SOMEBODY iF nOt HeR. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (it's not like you actually listen to what i have to say anyway.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (⊡ n ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Okay, okay! No need to 8ring out the sad wiggler face! I g8t it!!!!!!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: I am still a 8ig fat huge dis8ppointment t8 you! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: That's f8ne. I will just have to work harder to prove myself to 8ll of you.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: SEE. THAT RIGHT THERE IS WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT. EXCEPT I HAVE THE DISTINCT IMPRESSION THAT YOU ARE GOING TO GO ABOUT THE TASK IN ENTIRELY THE WRONG MANNER. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: because that is exactly what will happen </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="feferi">CC: S)(orely we can come up wit)( some tasks for Vriska to complete to prove )(erself wort)(y again? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: wHAT, lIKE A SECOND CAVERNS TRIALS? </span>
</p>
<p>In a private chat window, you are already discussing your plans for the next two nights.</p>
<p>
  <span class="dave">TG: so we are still up for sleepover or what </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; yes!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I am still available før øur little ritual. When dø yøu want tø strife før høsting respønsibilities? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: actually i was thinking we could have it at egberts place for once </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: if that is okay with him </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: ?! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (are you sure? my hive is a lot smaller than any of yours...) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I'm sure we will be able tø manage.  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; that sounds fun!! i've wondered what your hive looks like</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; and you do all the cooking anyway </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: you okay with us coming egbert? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (yes! i will be an excellent host.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: we have got to get you some new emoticons </span>
</p>
<p>Good-natured ribbing of your smileys aside, you are indeed looking forward to having your friends visit your hive for a change. Even if they are getting a little tall. Hmm, you might have to measure your doorframes. With a critical eye, you go through your entire home and make sure that everything is in order. You even collect some more splaysacs for you all to nap on when you get tired of movies. </p>
<p>As for the Vriska situation, you are not quite sure what to think. You desperately want to give her a second chance, but you are not sure that she deserves it. Not yet, anyway. For now you think that you will be avoiding her influence as best you can while concentrating on keeping the others afloat. Too much can go wrong still for you to take your eyes off of the prize.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Espionage</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When the time comes for the sleepover, you decide to go to the shuttle to meet Daevid. Knowing him, he will be right on time, as always. Rosean you had given your address in the thought that all three could come together, but your best bro had messaged you that he was leaving early about thirty minutes ago. You barely had time to make it to the rendezvous point. What you are not prepared for are the three greenbloods who take an immediate dislike to your presence in their subgrub. </p>
<p>"What do you think you're doing here, Rustblood?" sneers their obvious leader. </p>
<p>"Just picking up a friend at the station," you politely respond. </p>
<p>"Oh yeah?" questions the other girl. "What sort of friend would you have that can even afford to travel?"</p>
<p>"You lowbloods need to learn to stay out of our territory," lowly snarls the first. </p>
<p>Luckily, you spot the scuttlebuggy and immediately perk up, "Oh! There it is!"</p>
<p>They glance over to confirm that the vehicle is indeed approaching. It comes to a halt and a few passengers unload. Two midbloods who quickly scramble away and one tall figure that is oh so familiar. Without even glancing about, he makes a beeline for your position. </p>
<p>"Wait, <i>that's</i> your friend?" you can hear their shock. Poor assholes. </p>
<p>"That's my best bro!" you grin cheerfully as you wave him over. "Daevid! You're wearing the shades I got you!"</p>
<p>"Sup, Egbert," he nods as he comes forward to offer a fist bump. He holds perfectly still while you rap your knuckles against his, likely to look as cool as possible. "Who are all these scrubs?"</p>
<p>"Oh, just some of the locals," you shrug. </p>
<p>"Cool, cool," the giant highblood exudes an air of nonchalance. "So Lalond and Harls are probably on their way right now, seeing as how I literally can view their hives from my lawnring. If we want to get any quality bro only time, now's our chance."</p>
<p>"More friends?" boldly questions the ringleader of the midblood bullies. </p>
<p>"Yeah, we indigos are kind of a tight-knit bunch," a huge hand gently settles on the top of your head between your horns. "It's usually easier for Egbert here to travel to us since we're all in the same area, but we can't always agree on whose place he stays. Sometimes we grief for it. Man, you should see Lalond with her needles. I think I still have some pretty gnarly scars from the last time she won."</p>
<p>You frown up at him, the hand sliding away as your head tilts, "Dude, I don't let you guys get <i>that</i> out of hand. Besides, I'm still trying to figure out where I'm even going to have the room for three indigobloods in my hive at the same time. The doorways are going to be too small for you soon. You'll have to mind your horns."</p>
<p>Daevid shrugs, "No big. I'll get some carpenter drones to come out here if we need it. Anyway. Nice of you all to see Egbert to the station safely, but I'm gonna walk him home from here." That is a dismissal if you have ever heard one. It must sound like that to the greenbloods too, because they all scatter. </p>
<p>The small smirk on your best bro's face shows just how much he enjoyed flaunting his status to get you out of trouble. That is... a little pale. In fact, the whole exchange was a bit too pale for your liking. Interrupting a bunch of hemospectrum nonsense asshats and escorting you home? Not to mention the possessiveness of the hand on your head- that is something only someone really trusted would even attempt, considering the high probability of being skewered otherwise.</p>
<p>Stupid troll romance. This would not be a problem if you were humans. But you are not. Instead, you have to constantly worry about the advances of your friends for fear of making the others feel left out. Especially when somehow all of them are highbloods who might go on a killing spree without you there to keep them all in line. Ugh, now you are the one sounding pale.</p>
<p>"Daevid, what even was that?" you ask as you walk side by side down the street.</p>
<p>"Hmm?" he pretends to not know what you are talking about.</p>
<p>"You got a little... possessive back there."</p>
<p>His poker face does not budge, "Just had to let the locals know to keep their grubby paws off the merchandise. They couldn't afford you anyway, with how high the bid wars have gotten. We are talking hundreds of thousands here. With how hard it is to carve out some time with you, you must be the most sought-after goods this side of the galaxy, at least. I think even Ampora would go broke trying to buy you at this point."</p>
<p>You grimace, "Can we not use metaphors where I'm apparently purchasable? Because to you it may be funny, but on my end of the hemospectrum..."</p>
<p>His next stride falters. It is subtle, but you have had literal sweeps of practice reading Daevid by now to know that he is in shock. It makes you think that the idea of actually buying a burgundyblood is somehow completely foreign to him. Which is ridiculous. Really, what has this boy been doing with his superior trollnet privileges? </p>
<p>Daevid swallows, "Do you mean to tell me that there are actually trolls who somehow buy other trolls?" </p>
<p>You heave a sigh, even though you would much rather cry out in frustration. Then you break it down as simply as you can, "Bro, I'm a rustblood. Remember where that is? Bottom of the bottom? And I'm not even an awesome one like Aradia. My psychic powers are kind of shit. If I somehow <i>don't</i> end up a slave- or worse- come Ascension, it will be one of Gamzee's fucking miracles. Come on man; you know that slaves exist."</p>
<p>"Yeah, but that's other trolls and movies!" he exclaims. "That's not-"</p>
<p>"Me? It probably will be, Daevid," you inform him. "I'm nothing special. Even if I was, I'd probably get made into some kind of helmsman. If my lifespan was worth it, anyway. Bluh, I hate talking about this. It's inevitable. We should just enjoy the time we have now."</p>
<p>His brow is still furrowed. "Egbert-"</p>
<p>"No, I'm done talking about it," you say. "Instead, we are going to talk about my 'awful' collection of action movies and how many of them we can possibly marathon before the girls arrive." </p>
<p>You can tell he is still uncomfortable, but he thankfully drops the subject. After a few less than stellar metaphors, he gets back into the swing of things when you proclaim Troll Nic Cage as the most awesome. The rise you get out of him is well worth the white lie. (Human Nic Cage all the way. His troll counterpart is a sad replica that cannot hold a candle to him.)</p>
<p>By the time the others arrive, you are already ensconced firmly in your blanket fort and watching the third action movie. Whatever it was called. Damn Alternian titles are too long. It was pretty much just Die Hard, except with a lot more making out than the human version. You ignore Troll Bruce Willis on the screen in favor of leaping from your cushion-filled tomb to greet them.</p>
<p>"Johnny!" grins Jadite, opening her arms wide.</p>
<p>"Jadite!" you exclaim as you cannonball into her waiting embrace. </p>
<p>"Good evening, Johnny," greets your final best friend. You peel yourself off of your big sister to give her a hug as well. Ever awkward, she lightly pats your back twice. Then she clears her throat. Aw, she is so cute when she is flustered.</p>
<p>"Evening, Rosean!" you finally decide to let her off the hook by leading them further into your recreation block. "We sort of started without you."</p>
<p>"I am not surprised, considering how early Daevid left." She settles down on what remains of the couch and folds her hands in her lap, "I had thought we three agreed to arrive together, but I suppose he just could not wait to get some alone time with you."</p>
<p>"Best bro time is important," you defend. "But we really didn't do anything all that exciting without you two."</p>
<p>Jadite flounces over, falling into your previous shelter with a giggle, "Yeah, that is totally the issue here, Johnny. Rosean and I are getting <i>jealous</i> of all the time you are spending with Daevid."</p>
<p>"Awww," you purposefully ignore the quadrant talk you know they are fishing for, "don't worry, Jadite! I will make it up to you!"</p>
<p>She rolls her (weird gray) eyes at your antics, and you swear you actually hear the second girl facepalming behind you. Score! Being perfectly obtuse is a skill you have cultivated since middle school. You are not about to let the people you know the best get through it. Instead, you make it your mission to weasel your way back into your nest of cushions, regardless of the much larger blueblood currently residing there. Laughing, she attempts to gently push you away and this of course means you both devolve into a full on pillow war.</p>
<p>Eventually Rosean sighs, "As delightful as it is to watch the two of you playing like pupas, perhaps we can carry on with our night. I brought a lovely card game that should prove entertaining, as well as a valuable insight into the inner psyche of all present. Also Cards Against Trolldom."</p>
<p>"Wait, if that is the second one, what is the first game?" you ask, genuinely curious.</p>
<p>"Have you ever heard of a game called Uno?" she grins. You feel your Prankster Gambit take a sharp spike upwards. Oh. Oh dear. Oh, you love your friends but they are <i>so</i> getting schoolfed. </p>
<p>You introduce them to the proper rules- 7s are swaps and 0s everyone rotates their hand. Chaos ensues. Rosean actually yells when you skip her for the third time in row. The other girl laughs hysterically as she starts amassing a hand 'of lethal destruction' that is a stack thirty cards deep. At one point Daevid literally flips the table and you just barely manage to catch all the cards with your telekinesis before they scatter across the room. </p>
<p>Needless to say, you win two games out of three. It turns out psychology does have a lot to do with Uno, as Rosean is the only one who can accurately predict your tells for when you have a good hand. Adjusting her strategy accordingly, she does manage to beat you in one instance. She then decides to quit "while she is ahead" and pulls out the second massive deck of cards. </p>
<p>You all have a grand time, playing the night away and into the late hours of the morning. When you finally have had enough, you push together some splaysacs and make little piles for everyone to recline upon for the day. While it is not a recuperacoon, the slime in the splaysacs is enough to at least get a bit of a nap in. Jadite falls asleep immediately. You envy her almost narcoleptic tendencies. </p>
<p>You, on the other hand, spend a lot of time tossing and turning. Eventually the soporific effects of the green goop does help you relax. A sort of boneless feeling invades your body, and thoughts begin to slow. It is in this blissfully drowsy state that you hear someone rustling about. Damn. You were so close to sleep, too.</p>
<p>"Lalond," he whispers. "You awake?"</p>
<p>"Yes, I am," she answers.</p>
<p>"Oh. Cool," says Daevid.</p>
<p>There is a moment of silence. It stretches. Really? He interrupted you on the verge of sleep to wuss out on whatever it was he wanted to discuss? If you were not so comfortable, you would get up to kick his ass.</p>
<p>"I can tell something is bothering you, Daevid," she points out helpfully, "but if you want to discuss it, you will have to at least inform me what the topic is."</p>
<p>"Egbert and I had a talk," he begins, and you realize you really should not be listening in on this. </p>
<p>"And?" prompts Rosean. </p>
<p>"Did you have any idea how bad it is to be where he's at on the hemospectrum?" </p>
<p>"Ah," there is a rustle of fabric. You are pretty sure she just smoothed out her skirt. "I had wondered how blithely you could claim a burgundyblood as your quote best bro unquote when you are otherwise such a prime example of highblood privilege. Would it suffice to say that you had literally no idea of his daily trials and tribulations of just existing?"</p>
<p>"Lalond, he might end up as a slave!" hisses the male indigoblood. </p>
<p>There is a brief pause.</p>
<p>"You knew!" accuses Daevid, voice uncharacteristically emotional.</p>
<p>"Of course I knew," Rosean sounds entirely as done with the conversation as you are. "I assumed you did as well, but obviously that was expecting too much from your birdlike mind. Our dear friend is at the bottom of the hemospectrum and has a regrettable lack of psychic prowess when it comes to anything besides levitating himself. At very best he will end up a servant on a highblood's vessel."</p>
<p>"And you're <i>okay</i> with that?" The sheer aggression in that tone is almost enough to make you climb out of your pile and go pap his face until he does not try to stab your best friend with his entire collection of stupid broken swords. Still, you remain in place and keep your breathing even. No need for them to have to admit to your face that you are considered a lesser being on this planet.</p>
<p>"No," tersely replies Rosean. "I would not in any way, shape, or form describe my particular feelings towards the situation as okay. However, instead of freaking out, I have been developing plans to mitigate the horribleness of said circumstances."</p>
<p>"Such as..."</p>
<p>Taking the prompt, she begins, "There are certain exceptions to the rule that lowbloods are only fit to live in chains. One such exception would be if they are quadranted to a midblood or higher. Most effective would be moirail to a highblood, as no one wants to deal with a pap-deprived coldblood ripping through half of the crew in a tantrum."</p>
<p>"Then why don't one of us-"</p>
<p>"The problem," she talks over Daevid, "is that being moirail to a highblood also makes Johnny a target. Other highbloods would see him as a weakness to exploit at best, or a sign that you are unfit to be a highblood at worse. Plus, there is Gamzee to consider. I doubt he would take any serious advances towards Johnny's pale quadrant well. Believe me, I have put a lot of thought into whether it would be worth the aggravation and risks."</p>
<p>"Okay, what are the other options?" he grumbles.</p>
<p>"Simple," she says. "When he becomes a slave, one of us buys him."</p>
<p>It takes everything in you to not gasp or hold your breath. Well, shit. That was a solution that you had certainly considered before but never actually wanted to bring up. Especially because of how much that might put them back as newly molted adults. Considering you only had maybe another half dozen to dozen sweeps left, you did not want to cause them any financial problems that would extend past your expiration date.</p>
<p>"You want to own our best friend?" his tone is incredulous. </p>
<p>"It is marginally more acceptable than someone we don't know owning him," points out Rosean. "I have been keeping an eye on the market the whole past sweep. If he survives the tests, which I am more worried about right now than anything else, he will likely not have an exorbitant price tag. We could easily afford this if we pool our resources together."</p>
<p>"<i>You</i> want to own our best friend?" repeats Daevid.</p>
<p>She sighs, "Well, it does not necessarily matter who actually purchases him. I know this is not the answer you were hoping for, but it is the least amount of risk of him dying early. A slave is not considered especially important. Meaning he would be safe from any who would think themselves our enemy. Consider this- would Serket be more likely to gruesomely murder Johnny if he were your beloved moirail or just a slave?"</p>
<p>"Spiderbitch knows us," he counters. "And Johnny, too. She would never be convinced he was 'just a slave.' In fact, she probably would start a fucking bidding war so she could own him instead and then lord it over us."</p>
<p>"I thought the two of them were no longer on speaking terms," the girl sounds displeased.</p>
<p>"They aren't, as far as I know, but they have history. If there's one thing that melodramatic chick loves, it is history," says Daevid. "Besides, she mindcontrolled him just last week to make him apologize to her again. I have the logs to prove it."</p>
<p>You really do need to change your passwords. This is getting ridiculous. Next thing you know, they are going to move you in with one of them because you cannot take care of yourself. As if they are doing any better. Relationships are just dumb and you have no time for that nonsense when you are worried about more important things. Namely making sure that all of your inclade stays alive. Even Vriska. </p>
<p>"That is... very concerning," Rosean states. "I thought I had made it abundantly clear to that woman where the line in the sand was drawn. Apparently she and I need to have another chat."</p>
<p>"I still can't believe it," mutters Daevid. "You want to own <i>our best friend</i>. That is... not exactly fixing the problem."</p>
<p>"Maybe Feferi can help," Jadite exclaims, volume a little too loud for the hushed conversation.</p>
<p>"FF- Harls!" Daevid hisses. "Seriously? Watch the yelling!"</p>
<p>"I did not realize you were awake," mentions Rosean. </p>
<p>Groaning, you rustle around your pile. Immediately the others are quiet and still. After a moment, you find a more comfortable position and curl up to nestle your face into the crook of your arm. Just... ignore them and try to get some rest. It has been awhile since you have slept. After a few moments, someone breathes a sigh of relief. </p>
<p>"What were you saying?" prompts Daevid.</p>
<p>"Feferi! She's the Heiress, right? So she has got to have some weight she can throw around to help us get a happier Ascension for Johnny!" brightly points out your sister. </p>
<p>"I do not believe it will be that simple," Rosean says. "Upon Ascension, Feferi must battle her predecessor to take control of the Empire."</p>
<p>There is a brief moment of silence as they digest this information.</p>
<p>You... honestly had not given it a lot of thought yourself. You have been so wrapped up with your own fate, you forgot to consider everyone else. Ascension has meant certain death or enslavement for you, but it also means a ritualistic fight to the death for Feferi. Shit, how many of the others are slated for the cull just for knowing her? Not to mention trolls like Terezi and Karkat. Shit. Fuck. </p>
<p>"So... that's it, then," your best bro grumbles. "Feferi gets assassinated, Johnny ends up slave or dead, Terezi will be culled for her blindness, and there is nothing we can do about it. Our crew is fucked and them's the breaks."</p>
<p>"That is not at all what I said," disagrees Rosean. "I simply am insinuating that should we wish to throw our lot in with our Heiress, we must be prepared for all circumstances. This includes, but is not limited to, her dying and her entire inclade being wiped out to prevent any uprisings. I for one prefer the scenarios in which she is the victor."</p>
<p>There is movement as Jadite quietly whispers, "We could help her! Even if the Empress is old and powerful, Feferi can still win. She already is improving so much in our fighting arena! I bet we can do even more."</p>
<p>"What you are suggesting is treason," says Daevid.</p>
<p>"So says the troll wearing the sign of the Revolutionary," counters Rosean.</p>
<p>"I'm just throwing it out there for all of you to consider," he mutters. "The way I see it, our choices are either dump her out of the crew or figure out a way that we can all survive Ascension. Anything else ends with us all being culled as supporters of a rebellion."</p>
<p>"Well, I'd say the choice is pretty obvious, then," your sister's voice comes from right next to you. "Wouldn't you say, Johnny?" Well. Shit. The jig is up. </p>
<p>You sigh and flop over dramatically, "You wonder why I'm an insomniac when you all can't even let me pretend to sleep."</p>
<p>"When- How long have you been awake?" splutters Daevid.</p>
<p>"Dude," you frown at the ceiling. "I. Never. Sleep. It's a good perigee when I pass out into a coma for a couple nights."</p>
<p>"What are your thoughts on our discussion, then?" asks Rosean.</p>
<p>"In order? I've considered all the options you mention and decided that: I am still not particularly interested in quadranting anyone, buying me would put you back too much as newly molted adults, and I'd rather be dead than away from all of you. For the situation of Feferi, I've honestly been trying to avoid it the best I can because I figured I wouldn't be around for it anyway. But you know what? Fuck it.</p>
<p>"If half our crew is on the culling stand anyway, I'm in. I mean, it's not just Feferi. Terezi and Karkat are extremely high risk of dying horribly, and Sollux is going to be made into a fucking brainless batterygrub. Maybe Aradia, too. Me dying I'm fine with, but if they want any of you I will go down swinging. So sign me up for a fucking revolution."</p>
<p>"He says while still reclined upon his pile of questionable cinema and dirty laundry," huffs your best friend.</p>
<p>"Excuse you! This laundry is clean!" you retort. "I just couldn't be bothered to fold it and put it away."</p>
<p>"Ah, my apologies," she says.</p>
<p>"So do we have any plans for this rebellion or are we making shit up as we go along?" asks Daevid. "Not that what the two of you are doing isn't cute, but I'd rather focus on the big picture here."</p>
<p>"We should talk to the others," Jadite announces. "I'm sure they will have good ideas on where to start."</p>
<p>"Obviously Johnny is our quartermaster and trainer, but we will need someone who can gather information for us," hums Rosean thoughtfully. "Feferi herself is our figurehead, but I believe all decisions should be based on democratic votes for the group as a whole. There is not much point in forming a new government if it is the exact same as the previous regime."</p>
<p>"Where are we going to find someone who can tell us about the inner workings of the Imperial fleet without trying to cull us?" Daevid poses the question. "All the trolls with that kind of data are adults. I doubt any of them are likely to support the new Heiress."</p>
<p>"Sollux," you say. "He's amazing with programming and technology. He can probably hack us into Imperial databases."</p>
<p>"We would need his consent, of course," points out Rosean.</p>
<p>"Yeah, but he'll do it," you shrug. "He's kind of in a rebellious phase, considering when Ascension comes he will be stripped of his autonomy. As long as he is still able to become a helmsman someday, he can get away with whatever he wants."</p>
<p>"Sheesh," Daevid grimaces. "That's... gruesome to think about when it's a troll you know. Still, there is a lot to do. We'll need to covertly convert others to our cause; there's no way the fifteen of us can pull this off on our own."</p>
<p>"It sounds like we have a lot of problems and not a lot of solutions," summarizes your sister. "Let's bring this up at the next group meet and see if the whole gang can brainstorm."</p>
<p>With a plan in place, the other three finally settle down and go to sleep for a couple hours. This leaves you with time alone with your thoughts. You had been so short sighted. In trying to keep your friends alive for their second chance, you had forgotten to even consider what their adult lives might be like. As of this moment, your priorities have shifted.</p>
<p>Because you know what awaits them at Ascension.</p>
<p>Your original timeline was one in which you saw the aftermath of a fight with Her Imperial Condesce. Everyone was dead. Even Future Terezi had been mortally wounded when she taught you how to rein in your retcon powers. In fact, the only one who had survived that particular debacle was Roxy, who then joined you on your jump to an alternate universe. Then you both had been part of the team that had faced the Batterwitch as part of the final battle. </p>
<p>Even with the help of Rose and Kanaya (and Jane, Nannasprite, and you think even Jasprosesprite^2 at one point), the two of you had been overwhelmed. If Roxy had not gotten that lucky backstab in, your entire group would have been wiped out. Cheating bitch had multiple different psychic abilities, as well as thousands of years of more experience. Right now, putting your current inclade in the same vicinity as her spells certain disaster.</p>
<p>By the time the others awake, you manage to put on a brave face again. They are what is important now. It is okay. You will not let her take this away from you. Even if you have to retcon a million instances. Even if you die for real this time. Your crew comes first.</p>
<p>You do manage to convince them not to discuss this with any of the other members of the inclade. At least not online. In fact, having anything with a speaker built into it during these conversations could mean that drones hear every word. Technology is the enemy in this situation. The topic is brought up in the group memo by the hostess herself.</p>
<p>
  <span class="rose">TT: As an aside, nø cømmunicatiøn devices are alløwed at this week's meet up. Please leave them at høme. Yøu will alsø be asked tø empty yøur sylladex at the entryway to ensure yøur cøøperatiøn with this new rule. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="terezi">GC: 1NTR1GU1NG. 1 W1LL COMPLY 4S TH4T 3NSUR3S 1 W1LL G3T TO F1ND OUT WH4T 1S GO1NG ON. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: what the fuck? JN what iis thiis about? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (sensitive topics to be discussed is all. nothing to worry about!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (⊡ ᴗ ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: :33 &lt; *ac believes that sounds slightly ominous*</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; no worries guys</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; it will be a great strife session :D </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THE EMOTICON PLAGUE IS SPREADING. LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE DONE, JOHNNY. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: wait until i get him using some of the ones i found online </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: (・_・) dead inside when he deals with all of us </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: (￢_￢) suspicious of my innocent request for new shitty blades </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: (X__X) even more dead than usual so i guess a migraine night </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="equius">CT: D --&gt; I will STRONGLY support removing any distraction from our arena, as that can only serve to improve our focus. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="aradia">AA: someone take trollnet away from daevid </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ egbert is this you dont lie to us </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: X33 &lt; okay, that one is purrtty hilarious </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (daevid, go the fuck to sleep.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; he is so silly when he is sleep deprived though!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: dude dont try to keep me down i am woke as fuck </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (;⊡__⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I THINK I AM SIDING WITH JOHNNY ON THIS ONE. YOU HAVE ASCENDED THE IDIOT ETCHELADDER ALL THE WAY TO THE TIPPY-TOP AND FOUND YOURSELF THE SULTAN OF STUPID. CONGRATULATIONS. YOU HAVE DETHRONED OUR BRAVE LEADER HIMSELF. KNOCKED HIM OFF HIS HIGH HOOFBEAST AND ONTO THE COLD UNFORGIVING GROUND. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="rose">TT: I dø believe that we all are in agreement that yøur løøpy states are amusing but distracting. Please rest søøn.  </span>
</p>
<p>The good natured ribbing always makes you feel more at home. Still, there are a lot of things that the group needs to discuss. Not wanting to spend a long time waiting and traveling, you retcon to the session. For some reason, the unreliable powers dump you out farther from Rosean's hive than usual. </p>
<p>Then you spot the giant bullhorns of a certain bronzeblood and realize that you are exactly where you need to be. </p>
<p>He is talking to three highbloods, probably blues from the local area. They do not appear to be particularly thrilled, and Tavros's hands are raised in a placating manner. You hustle towards them, levitating as fast as you can. You see the javelin flying and move. Without thinking, you shove Tavros to the side.</p>
<p>The meaty thump it makes as it contacts your thorax is disgusting. Ugh. You hate that noise. It also knocks you back a step. Stupid highbloods and their stupid strength. At least you are still conscious. Despite you being an idiot, it must not have hit anything important. Well, not <i>that</i> important, anyway.</p>
<p>Snapping back to the situation at hand, you assess the threat. Your bronzeblood friend has his lance out, but there are three of them and he still is a little slow on his reequipping of a new weapon. You have no choice. It will take you out of commission, but you can even the field for him by using your telekinesis. (You hope.) You go to gather your meager strength when-</p>
<p>"YOU GET AWAY FROM THEM!!" screeches a voice. Simultaneously a bright beam of blue-white light fills your vision. One of the assailants is down on the ground, a large hole in his thorax. You blink down at him a couple times. By the time you look back up, Vriska is there. She is gutting a second troll. </p>
<p>She turns back towards you, "Johnny, are you- shit!" </p>
<p>"That looks glubbing awwful," notes Eridan blandly. You have no idea when he arrived.</p>
<p>You take a shallow breath and glance down. Yep. That is a javelin buried into you. Taking a slightly deeper breath, you can already tell that the tip is poking out your back. Awesome. Just. Fucking awesome. You are the best tactician. It is you. </p>
<p>"J-J-Johnny?" asks Tavros, lightly touching your arm. </p>
<p>"Well, fuck," you grumble. "This is like shanking number... six? Seven? One more and it'd make eight. Pfffffff-"</p>
<p>"Johnny, come on," the blueblood grabs your wrist. In surprise you start levitating. Then she simply drags you along like a balloon. </p>
<p>Glancing over your shoulder, you confirm the two others are trailing behind you. That is good. You do not want them to get left behind. In seemingly no time at all, you are inside Rosean's hive. You do not even remember entering the building. Just one moment you are fighting your nausea and the next there is a ceiling above you. Also a lot of noise.</p>
<p>Finally having enough of the chaos, you growl. The figures all back off. Shit. Your friends. Your friends all back off. Still it gives you some room to breathe. Or not, as the case is. With one hand, you trace the outline of where the weapon meets your shirt. Hmm. You need things.</p>
<p>"Honestly, you should just cull him," the seadweller suggests.</p>
<p>"Fuck off, Ampora!" shrieks someone. You think it is Vriska. </p>
<p>"No one is culling anyone," insists Rosean.</p>
<p>"He's too thtubborn to die from thomething like this," points out Sollux. "Hith voithe ith not even thcreaming."</p>
<p>"Daevid," you start hyperfixating on what needs done. "Blade."</p>
<p>"Wha-" he does not even finish his one word before Terezi is handing you one. </p>
<p>"Thanks," you say. "Fire?"</p>
<p>"We can place it over the stovetop," offers Equius. "I assume you want to cauterize the wound?"</p>
<p>You nod, "Nicked some organs. Gonna bleed out otherwise."</p>
<p>"Why do you always sound like you have done this before?" laments Feferi.</p>
<p>"He has," at least three voices answer at the exact same time.</p>
<p>You kind of zone out for a couple minutes again. Especially when you have to deal with the others trying to keep Gamzee from flipping his shit. Just. No. You are not papping anyone right now. Then someone is handing you a white-hot short blade. Right. Go time. </p>
<p>You grip the javelin shaft tightly, right next to your chest. You take one last breath and then yank away as quick as you can. It pulls free with a sickening squelch and rush of blood. You drop it immediately to push the heated blade into your wound. Shitfire that burns like the dickens! Which is the point, actually. You twist it just a bit to make sure you get all the stupid spots you can since it is a round wound and flat blade. This was stupid. </p>
<p>Still, when you pull the blade back out with a faint hiss, the amount of bleeding is significantly less. Fuck it, good enough. Someone shoves gauze at you and you get the picture. Dammit, your shirt is going to have to come off. You just captchalogue it for ease's sake. There are a couple gasps. No one really sees you in any state of undress ever, so you suppose your scars must be a little astonishing. </p>
<p>"That might have just become the most badass thing I have ever seen you do," Daevid says as you bandage yourself.</p>
<p>Gamzee is wringing his hands, "I can't believe no one is offering to help a brother out with his wicked wounds."</p>
<p>"Back off, highblood," Terezi bares her fangs. "There is a time and a place for hitting on people and in the middle of a large group is not it."</p>
<p>"Alright, before we hear the whole story- Johnny, be a dear and sit down," Kanaya clears a path to the couch. </p>
<p>Wobbling, you manage to levitate over under your own power. Right before practically collapsing on the recreational seating unit. Ow. A snuggleplane is draped over your head. Frowning, you look up to see Vriska's face. </p>
<p>"It's for shock," she grins. </p>
<p>You snort in amusement. Cheeky bitch. You might have said that part aloud, considering how she chuckles. Oops? </p>
<p>"Care to explain what happened?" Rosean asks, her arms crossed and tense.</p>
<p>"Ambush," you say.</p>
<p>"Th-there were bluebloods waiting for me," Tavros elaborates. "Well, perhaps not me specifically, but they were targeting members of this crew. They said they didn't like all the lowbloods coming through their territory. I was trying to talk them down, but, uh, they attacked. Johnny pushed me out of the way."</p>
<p>"Stupid," you mutter. </p>
<p>"You were in a stressful situation and you reacted quickly enough to likely save Tavros's life," Feferi pats your hand. "That's not stupid. That's just life."</p>
<p>"Third time I've done it," you sigh, closing your eyes for a moment. "Never quite works out."</p>
<p>"Oh," she says. "Your... old crew?"</p>
<p>You nod, already exhausted. </p>
<p>"That explains the scars," mutters Daevid.</p>
<p>You crack an eye back open, "<i>You</i> gave me one of those scars when we first met. So shut up."</p>
<p>"Okay, settle down," Karkat takes over. "Johnny isn't dead or currently dying, but let's give him a minute to rest. We had things we wanted to discuss anyway this meeting. Right?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, someone mentioned sensitive mewterials," agrees Nepeta. "Serious discussion time!"</p>
<p>"Johnny?" Jadite asks. "You okay with us proceeding with all this?"</p>
<p>Shutting your eye again, you nod. "You guys know where I stand. Wake me up if someone flips their shit."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Euphony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Against all odds, no one flips their shit.</p>
<p>Upon hearing that your indigoblood trio are wanting to support the Heiress in her claim to the throne, Eridan was said to openly gape. You wish you had been awake to see it (and maybe snap a picture). There were some concerns raised about safety, but in the end the crew's decision was unanimous. Either you all would see Feferi on the throne or die trying. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, it was apparently decided while you were asleep that you needed someone to look after you for at least a week. Just while your wound healed, they insisted. Despite ignoring your flat-out refusal, they at least took into account your personal preference of not being lumped with someone to whom your stay would be too much of a burden.</p>
<p>"I don't see why you won't just go with your supposed 'best bro,' even if he is a complete dolt who cannot take a hint," mutters Terezi as she gets you up to speed on the events you missed while passed out on the couch. "He's in a literal castle. You cannot be more safe than that!"</p>
<p>"Yeah, but Daevid is not going to go on a murder spree because I chose someone else," you point out.</p>
<p>She pulls a disgusted face, "Still. The clown? You could go home with literally anyone else and be better off. Well, maybe besides Ampora. I would totally offer to take you instead, but honestly I would probably stab you myself after night two."</p>
<p>You snort, "That's optimistic. I'd say one night."</p>
<p>"At least go home with Tavros instead. He feels guilty enough about the whole thing already," she says. "If you're worried about credits, I'm sure we can totally loan you some until you are back on your feet. It'd be better than-"</p>
<p>"Pyrope, leave the guy alone!" Karkat whisper-yells. "The goddamn purpleblood has been gunning for Johnny's diamond for ages. This is his chance to either prove himself or get some kind of closure."</p>
<p>"You just want this to end up like one of your lame romance movies," accuses Terezi. "I can sense you already trying to come up with a title."</p>
<p>"It is pawfully overdue," Nepeta pipes up from where she is apparently lounging on the back of the couch behind you. "I'm not sure if I ship it yet, but purrhaps the delicious little hopbeast could give the clown a chance."</p>
<p>You grimace, "Please don't use food adjectives when referring to me."</p>
<p>"Why not?" questions the tealblood. "I think you are quite tasty, Mister Raspberry."</p>
<p>"Things I never needed to know," groans Karkat. "Of that list, the fact that you have licked my co-friendleader is probably near the very top. It is placed just below the explanation for the inner workings of magnets and above what sort of weird kinks Stride has hidden away in his thinkpan." </p>
<p>"You like Daevid, though," you say. (You ignore the delighted squeal behind you.)</p>
<p>"That's why it is below Pyrope's nasty tongue in contact with your flesh in the Do Not Need To Know list," he retorts. "Come on, Johnny. Try to follow the conversation for more than a few seconds at a time."</p>
<p>"So did my ears deceive me or was Vantas just asking about my kinks?" Daevid appears next to you, leaning nonchalantly on the armrest. As Karkat chokes on his own spit, you give him a fistbump. Nice prank! You wish you could flashstep. Your Prankster's Gambit would be <i>so</i> high. </p>
<p>"He like-likes you," you grin. </p>
<p>"No shit? Well what a coincidence. I kinda like him, too," the indigoblood's tone is bland, but his face is starting to tinge blue. "I suppose we should do something about this situation."</p>
<p>"You should take him out on a date," you prompt.</p>
<p>"What a novel idea, Egbert!" He turns his face a bit so the shades point more directly at Karkat, "What do you say, Vantas? You, me, a whole stack of romcoms? I'll even bring you a freshly hunted carcass to feed your lusus."</p>
<p>The squeaking noise from your nubby-horned friend is not even construable as actual words.</p>
<p>"I think that's a yes," you tell Daevid.</p>
<p>"I have to update my shipping wall!" squeals Nepeta excitedly.</p>
<p>"I am the best wingman," you hum contentedly. Then you have an idea. You yell across the room, "ROSEAN!! You ask that elegant lady out on a flush date right now or else! Kanaya, you'd better say yes! We are <i>all</i> tired of you two tiptoeing around it!"</p>
<p>"Hear, hear!" shouts Aradia delightedly. </p>
<p>"Holy shit, Egbert," gapes your best bro. "Is this what you're like when you're anemic?"</p>
<p>Watching Rosean stride a few steps forward to grab the jadeblood by the waist and dip her before kissing her right on the lips, you giggle. "No fucking idea. Haven't been around other trolls when I've lost this much blood before. Oh. Oh no. I have words to say to Sollux. Or Feferi. Hmm. Maybe both."</p>
<p>"I think you've done enough for one night," Karkat shoves his hand over your mouth. "Just. Please cease and desist, Egbert. You are becoming a public nuisance. Pyrope, help me out here."</p>
<p>"I find all of this highly amusing and informative," she states with a wide grin. "Also, it is about to be his turn."</p>
<p>"Wait, wha-" you cut off with a fucking squeak as someone plucks you off the couch. Oh God. Gamzee is cradling you in his arms like you are a baby meowbeast or something. This is embarrassing. Also you might be slightly squeamish from the sudden vertigo. </p>
<p>"I think it's about time I up and took a brother home before he turns matchmaker for the whole crew," the highblood rumbles. </p>
<p>"Awww, but he's so much fun like this!" pouts Nepeta. </p>
<p>"Yeah, bro," Daevid smirks. "We can't deprive Nepeta of quality quadrant forming. Think of the shipping wall."</p>
<p>"Wait. Nepeta," you suddenly remember. "Who won the betting pool?"</p>
<p>"For Rosean and Kanaya?" she muses. "Technically you interfered, but I think Aradia did. She is going to have a pawful lot of credits to spend."</p>
<p>You chuckle, "Of course she did. She is Maid of Time. Hehehehe."</p>
<p>"I think she is made of sterner stuff than you at the moment," Karkat growls. "Gamz, get him the fuck out of here before he makes himself even more of a fool."</p>
<p>"On it," the stupidly tall troll begins walking. Ugh. Yeah, that is doing no wonders for your nausea. After a few minutes, he eases into a steady lope that is not too jarring. Your bilesac settles. Still, you pout. You had more that you wanted to say to the group. Now you cannot.</p>
<p>Oh wait.</p>
<p>
  <span class="john">GT: (i wasn't done yet.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (sollux! if you don't ask feferi out i will be so disappointed.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (newsflash! she thinks you are adorable.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (adorabubble even.) </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: a;ladljiieklnl </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: JOHNNY, GO THE FUCK BACK TO SLEEP. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (no.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (feferi if he doesn't ask you out, you should ask him.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (also aradia, dear. please pick a quadrant with equius sometime this sweep.) </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WAIT. HOW ARE YOU EVEN ONLINE RIGHT NOW? THERE IS NO WAY YOU ALREADY MADE IT BACK TO THAT MAKEUP-ED MORON'S HIVE. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: so this is what vantas is having an aneurism over </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i was wondering what his portable communication device had done to offend him </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (terezi, you still have lingering feelings for vriska, so stop trying to black flirt with me. and karkat. and pretty much everyone.) </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WOW. TALK ABOUT UNCALLED FOR. YOU WENT FROM ANNOYING QUADRANT FIXATED PALEMATE TO BAD RELATIONSHIP ADVICE MIDLEAF IN LIKE ONE LINE. THAT HAS GOT TO BE A NEW RECORD. EVEN FOR YOUR CURRENTLY BLOOD-DEPRIVED THINKPAN. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i just. want you allt o be happy.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (even eridan.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (oh god, eridan.)  </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (please actually try with your diamond. it is gettin really hard to watch.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (and tav buddy. i know. but it is an unhealthy dynamic. either be careful or get yourself a hell of a midleaf.) </span><br/>
<span class="terezi">GC: 4LR1GHT, BOYS. 1 C4N H4NDL3 TH1S. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (⊡ - ⊡)? </span>
</p>
<p>A loud honk emanates from near your companion and you literally jump a little. When you glance up, you find Gamzee staring down at you. And your communication device. He frowns.</p>
<p>"Um..." </p>
<p>With one arm supporting you, he snatches away the electronic and looks at the screen. After reading a bit, he begins to laboriously type out a message. Man, his typing quirk is such a hassle. When he is finished, he captchalogues it into his own sylladex. </p>
<p>"Hey!" you complain.</p>
<p>"You're on probation from communication, brother," he says. "At least a ways until you can behave again."</p>
<p>"Bluh, fine!" you pout. </p>
<p>"No need to be upset," he guilelessly grins. You do not trust that expression at all. "We can just hang out at my hive and relax for a few nights. You can catch up on your sleep. Make food whenever we are hungry. Maybe you could show me some of those wicked magic tricks again?"</p>
<p>"Yeah... maybe." </p>
<p>You are not entirely sure when you fall asleep. Something about the rhythmic movements and the cool embrace brought you comfort, you guess. Either way, you are suddenly at the purpleblood's hive. You climb down and wobble through a block or two. From what you can see, it has not changed much since you did your retcon bonanza to get him off of eating sopor slime. </p>
<p>Eventually he sort of shepherds you into one of his storage blocks. You come to a befuddled halt at the sight before you. The piles of horns and random clown junk have been removed. Instead there is a recuperacoon pushed up against the far corner, a wardrobe, movie posters on the walls, and what looks to be a magic chest. It is a room not a lot unlike your own respiteblock.</p>
<p>"Gamzee..." you frown.</p>
<p>He is blushing up a purple storm, "It ain't no thing, motherfucker. We can talk about it after you sleep."</p>
<p>"Gamzee," you say again. However, he is already scooping you up, shock blanket and all, and dumping you into the coon. You want to stay angry with him, you really do, but the slime is so very soporific and you are so very tired. As your eyelids begin to droop, you resolve to hash this whole weird one-sided attraction out with him. Tomorrow. </p>
<p>The dreams that plague you are full of confusing imagery and grief and pain. There are a lot of repeating elements and familiar places. At one point you swear you go through the motions of the same battle no less than five times. You know your friends feature prominently in these daymares, but other than that their meaning drift past you. Through you. </p>
<p>You wake up late into the night. You slept in your pants, gross. The snuggleplane is also soaked with green goop. Lovely. Zapping to the nearest ablutionchamber, you get yourself cleaned up and presentable. You even manage to rebandage your wound. (It looks awful.) Then you start to wander through the hive again, looking for your host.</p>
<p>"I was wondering when you'd rejoin the land of the living," jokes Gamzee as you walk into the mealblock.</p>
<p>You grimace at the idea of him trying to cook, "Not for long with you burning things. Shove over."</p>
<p>When he resists, you hipcheck his thigh and he goes stumbling back. Then you take the frying pan and dump the contents directly into the dross coffer. Just, no. You are not eating anything that looks like it is still squirming with sentience right now. No matter how sad the noises the clown is making are. </p>
<p>There is a companionable silence as you prep ingredients. As you chop and slice, you try to figure out how to best approach the trunkbeast in the block. There is looking out for a part of the crew and then there is obsession. After seeing the room he had specifically crafted for you, the highblood is definitely on the spectrum of the latter. The whole time you think, Gamzee simply watches you. </p>
<p>"Gamz... we gotta talk," you tell him as you stir the food. </p>
<p>He honks softly, "Figured it wasn't gonna be good."</p>
<p>You sigh, "Look. You just... what the fuck was that about? The respiteblock?"</p>
<p>"Can't a brother just want to make something nice for a friend?" he grumbles.</p>
<p>"Not like that," you retort. "Gamzee. Making someone a block to stay in at your hive is not 'friendly.' It can barely even be called pale. You know that."</p>
<p>"I just figured if I had one, maybe you would stay sometimes like you used to," grumbles the imposingly tall troll. "Ain't like you don't sleep at others' hives sometimes. Especially your indigo bros. Minus Equius, of course."</p>
<p>"It's not like that," you grumble. "We're just friends."</p>
<p>"You're not as oblivious as you pretend to be," he states.</p>
<p>You have no point to argue there. It is true that you use your feigned ignorance to your advantage to avoid situations you would rather not be involved. The purpleblood just happens to be the only one who ever noticed. Or at least the only one who both noticed and brought it up. Even Rosean does not suspect your stupidity is an act.</p>
<p>"Is it because you don't want us?" asks Gamzee. "Is it that bad having us as crew?"</p>
<p>"What? No!" you frown.</p>
<p>"Then why? You know I want you, and I think you want me, too."</p>
<p>"It's- It's not that simple!" you are backing up towards a wall as he crowds closer to you.</p>
<p>"Why?" he demands. "Is it Daevid? That indigoblood motherfucker always did stick to you too tightly."</p>
<p>Your breathing is starting to stutter, "No, it's not-"</p>
<p>"Who then? Who do I have to contend with for your affection?" interrupts the highblood. "If it's not someone else- If I'm not good enough, just tell me!"</p>
<p>"I just- I can't. I can't choose between any of you," you fumble for the right words. "I love you all, I really do, and I can't do it. I can't pick out favorites from among you; it's not fair. There's too much baggage and-"</p>
<p>"It's okay," he says. "Shoosh. I don't care. As long as I get to lay claim to you, I don't care how many corners you are trying to fill up with every other troll in our inclade. Brother, I cannot even comprehend what my life would look like without you, and it horrifies me. I can't kill you anymore, even if I wanted to. I know. I've tried. It fills me up with enough fear for the both of us."</p>
<p>A half formed memory drifts into your mind's eye. Gamzee hunched over you, long gangly fingers wrapped around your neck. When you cease fighting back and submit, going completely limp, he starts crying. The hands leave your squeal pipette and instead pull you into an embrace. Shit. What timeline was that even from? Could be a retcon life that never happened. Or maybe it was from a sopor induced daymare. Does it matter?</p>
<p>"I'm asking that you be the one to stop me," he continues. "If... <i>when</i> I fuck up and try to ruin things for everyone else. I want it to be you."</p>
<p>"Jesus!" you exclaim softly. "I... Shit, Gamz. I don't know. I've never- I don't know if I can. The world has thrown enough shit at you. You don't deserve any more. But I also don't trust you not to try to murder half our inclade in a fit of pique."</p>
<p>"Then be my balance." His long fingers cup your face, "Be my wall against the world and the one that protects the world from me. I don't want to hurt any of you. Not really. But then sometimes I do and it makes everything so motherfucking complicated."</p>
<p>This is possibly the single most excruciating (and romantic) moment in your entire life. You can barely name the emotions roiling inside you. Uncertainty, exasperation, affection, protectiveness. There is a part of you that wants to smooth away that little wrinkle between his brows. Okay, maybe you have it pretty bad.</p>
<p>"I think, as long as nothing changes with the others, I can try," you awkwardly offer.</p>
<p>Gamzee's expression is one of pure delight. When he leans forward, his cool lips press against your forehead. Oh geez. At this rate your flush will never go away. Your face already feels about ten degrees warmer. Also, he is totally wearing lipstick right now. You probably have it on your forehead.</p>
<p>"Ew, don't get your makeup on me!" you rub at the slightly greasy spot.</p>
<p>He throws back his head and laughs his loud, honking laugh. The tension in the room dissolves. You honestly had not even realized it was there. The whole situation was way too intense, and somehow you ended up doing the one thing you had been so adamant on avoiding. You are in a relationship now. With one of your teenage friends. Fffffff-</p>
<p>No. You are not going to dwell on this. They are old enough to make their own decisions. Nepeta and Equius have been moirails since before you even met them- like at least two sweeps. Wait. How old are you right now? You start trying to back calculate based on how long you have been on this hellhole planet. </p>
<p>A claw taps your forehead, "You're thinking too much."</p>
<p>You snort, "No argument here. Um..."</p>
<p>"You should probably be reclined in a more horizontal position," he suggests. "You feel burning up, like fire or some shit."</p>
<p>"Rustblood, remember? I would be more worried if I didn't feel hot compared to you," you grumble. However, he is already tugging at your arm to lead you away. You manage to at least turn off the crisprange when he pulls you past it and out the door. No setting the meal block on fire due to negligence. </p>
<p>The two of you end up pressed together on the couch as you watch horrible action movies. There is nothing inherently romantic about it, even in a platonic sense. This is something you do with all of your friends. You are not touch starved anymore- not since the night Feferi opened the doors by leaning against you- but it is still nice.</p>
<p>At some point you must have fallen asleep again. Apparently the chronic insomnia is turning around with help from a grievous injury. Except now you are almost narcoleptic with how suddenly you drop off into dreamland. The remodeled respiteblock is still creepy the second time you wake up in it. Like déjà vu or the twilight zone, it just feels slightly off kilter and rubs you the wrong way.</p>
<p>Talking Gamzee into moving some of his stuff back into the room helps. He is more than happy to supply random odds and ends to make a pile. Of course, that was a little forward and not at all what you intended. The resulting feelings jam actually turned out to be cathartic, though. </p>
<p>Letting him help you bandage your wound is something you are actively avoiding. Besides being a little too intimate, you really do not want him to freak out when he sees the extent of the damage. About the fourth day, you are finally unable to sleep again. Oh well, it could not last forever. However, the boredom is almost physically painful since you are trying to be quiet so your moirail does not wake.</p>
<p>You manage to nab your husktop from your hive when Gamzee is sound asleep. Retcons are marvelously convenient. Also, you strangely only have one message waiting in your personal inbox. The highblood must have told everyone that you were going to be unreachable for a few nights.</p>
<p>
  <span class="dave">TG: so i hear that you are dating the clown now </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (wait. who told you that?) </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: vantas </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: leijon </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: lalond </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: the subjuggulator himself </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: the only one holding out judgement is pyrope herself </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (you are all ridiculously bored and way too interested in my quadrants.) </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: thats not a denial im reading </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: so tell me one thing egbert </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: just how good are the paps? </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: did he already woo you into a pile </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i need to know the deets </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: if i gotta defend your maiden honor with my shitty swords i totally will </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: gasp! </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: what if he already went all the way </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: is he helping you bathe already </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">has blocked turntechGodhead</span>
  <span class="dave"> [TG] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">!</span>
</p>
<p>Resulting migraine aside, you know he is simply expressing his concerns. Well, that and the fact he is jealous. You would think he would be busy enough with his newly formed flushed relationship that he could afford to turn a blind eye to your budding moirallegiance. Sadly he is a nosy busybody. The group forum is not any better.</p>
<p>
  <span class="john">GT: (are plans in place for the next meetup already?) </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: He lives! </span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">GA: There Is No Need To Worry. Karkat Has Been Most Diligent In Completing His New Cofriendleader Responsibilities While You Are Otherwise Preoccupied. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: still waiting to hear the sordid details egbert </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: I am honestly surprised that 8uffoon even let you on the husktop. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING ONLINE RIGHT NOW? YOU TWO SHOULD BE USING THIS TIME TO HASH OUT THE NUANCES OF YOUR PALE OVERATURES. OTHERWISE I AM GOING TO HAVE TO BE THE ONE TELLING YOU HOW TO FIX YOUR BROKEN DIAMOND IN A FEW NIGHTS. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i could say the same about your and daevid's heart.) </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: ooooh burn. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: EGBERT. THE NIGHT I TAKE ROMANTIC ADVICE FROM YOU IS THE NIGHT THAT I OFFICIALLY SUBMIT MYSELF FOR A PUBLIC CULLING FOR THE BETTERMENT OF OUR RACE, AS I WILL HAVE APPROACHED NEGATIVE IQ STATUS. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: on a scale of zero to ten how much face touching has there been </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THAT IS NOT APPROPRIATE FOR A FORUM BOARD. NOT EVEN A PRIVATE PASSWORD PROTECTED ONE. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: SEND ME A TROLLIAN MESSAGE IF YOU DO ACTUALLY NEED HELP ALREADY. THOUGH I DREAD TO IMAGINE HOW YOU COULD HAVE POSSIBLY FUCKED UP THAT BADLY IN SUCH A SHORT TIME. </span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">GA: I Would Also Like To Express My Curiosity On How Your First Nights Together Have Gone. Mostly So I Know Whether I Need To Introduce A Certain Clown To The Business End Of My Lipstick. </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: Yeah!! If he took advantage of you 8eing injured, we will t8tally fuck him up! </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: eww. </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: guy2 ii thiink even GZ know2 better than that. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: makara being the one who wanted to personally tend to egberts wounds in the middle of a crowded public area </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: urgh youre right that ii2 pretty 2keevy. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (well... he does make poor decisions on what is considered appropriate.) </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: ::::O </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: WHAT. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: i sense a story here </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (he might have... done a little redecorating.) </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: told yall </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: OH MY GOD. PLEASE TELL ME HE DID NOT DO WHAT I THINK THAT MEANS. </span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">GA: I Am Not Sure I Follow. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (hang on. i'll take some pictures.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (tell me i'm not just imagining this, daevid, but doesn't this look familiar?) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: tinyurl.com/creepilyfamiliarblockinsomeoneelseshive </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: whoa </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: 2omeone tell me what thii2 mean2. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: that is scarily similar to egberts respiteblock at his own hive </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: like down to the lame magic chest </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: GODDAMN STUPID FUCKING HIGHBLOOD. I TOLD HIM THAT IT WAS A BAD IDEA. </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: He even took away your communic8ion device. This is like stalker 8ehvaior 101. I can't 8elieve we let you go home with h8m. Holy shit. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: how did he even know about that </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: has he ever been over to your place egbert? </span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">GA: I Am Highly Concerned Now. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (no. only you, rosean, and jadite even know where it is.) </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: Next thing you know, he is going t8 try and chain you to the wall so you can never leave. </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: ii agree wiith Vrii2ka. thii2 ii2 bad new2. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: IS THAT A FUCKING PILE IN THE CORNER?!?! </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: wait where?? </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: iit fuckiing iis. FUCK!! </span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">GA: I Believe I Will Fetch My Chainsaw. Does Anyone Know Where Gamzee's Hive Is Located? </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: EGBERT YOU ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW YOU PIECE OF FETID SHIT! IS OR IS THAT NOT A PILE MADE PRIMARILY OUT OF HIS OWN BELONGINGS IN THE CORNER OF THE BLOCK HE BUILT ESPECIALLY FOR YOU? </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (okay, it is, but it was my idea! sort of. the room was kind of freaking me out. it used to be a storage block, so i told him to put some of his stuff back in there.) </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: Oh my God. You poor naiive wriggler. </span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">GA: I Am Going To Need To Sit For A Moment. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (what?)</span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: your level of 2tupiid ii2 a2tonii2hiing. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THAT IS PRECISELY WHAT HE WANTED, YOU IDIOT! YOU PLAYED RIGHT INTO HIS HANDS LIKE A PUPA BEING LULLED INTO A SCUTTLEBUGGY WITH THE PROMISES OF FREE SWEETS. </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (what do you mean?) </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: egbert </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: egderp</span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: eggy my darling baboo </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: why else would he put you in an old storage block when he has tons of empty rooms </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: he was TRYING to guilt you into sharing the space </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (oh.) </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: *NOW* HE GETS IT. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: THIS WHOLE SITUATION WENT FROM POTENTIALLY ROMANTIC TO B-RATED SUSPENSE THRILLER IN NO TIME AT ALL. BUT IT TAKES STRIDE LITERALLY BREAKING IT DOWN INTO CHUNKS FOR YOU TO BE ABLE TO COMPREHEND THAT YOU ARE THE VICTIM IN A HORROR FILM. I ALWAYS THOUGHT THOSE MOVIES WERE UNREALISTIC SINCE EVEN PUPAS HAD MORE COMMON SENSE, BUT OBVIOUSLY I WAS WRONG. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: now answer the face touching question </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: or at least the pile one since that is actually relevant now and not a joke like i intended </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (about six and yes.) </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: !!!!!!!! </span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">GA: Wait. What Pile Question? </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: thats it </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: hes dead </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (absolutely not.) </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: What? Why? </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: ii2 2tockholm 2yndrome already kiickiing iin? </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i think i can take care of myself.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (we are both going to be shit at this, but i want to actually give this relationship a fair chance.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (we will just have to discuss boundaries. heavily.) </span><br/>
<span class="kanaya">GA: On One Hand, I Want To Applaud Your Commitment Despite Your Previous Reluctance To Quadrant Yourself At All. On The Other Frond, This Situation Is Somewhat Dire. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I'M STILL NOT SURE ABOUT THIS, JOHNNY. THUS FAR HE HAS DISPLAYED A RATHER DISTURBING AMOUNT OF SUBTLE MANIPULATION AND A LACK OF AWARENESS FOR YOUR OWN AGENCY. IF HE TRIES TO TALK YOU INTO DOING ANYTHING THAT YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH, LET ME KNOW IMMEDIATELY. OR LALOND. SHE GIVES EXCELLENT ADVICE AND WILL ALSO BE OVERJOYED TO RIP HIM SEAM TO SEAM IF HE FUCKS UP AGAIN. </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: next meet up is in two nights </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: we will all have a chance to assess for ourselves just how much he needs a stabbing or two </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (please don't joke about stabbing.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (i think my thorax is already fucked up enough for the whole crew.) </span><br/>
<span class="john">GT: (⊡ n ⊡) </span><br/>
<span class="dave">TG: who said i was joking </span><br/>
<span class="sollux">TA: you mii22ed p2ychiic power practiice thii2 week, 2o you better 2how up two the griief 2e22iion. </span><br/>
<span class="vriska">AG: Yeah! Otherwise I might just have to try my luck at controlling his mind again. </span><br/>
<span class="karkat">CG: I WILL HAVE A CHAT WITH HIM ONCE HE IS AWAKE AND ONLINE. BUT THE TWO OF YOU HAD BETTER COME TO PRACTICE BEFORE YOU END UP WITH HALF THE INCLADE ON HIS LAWNRING READY TO RAZE HIS HIVE. </span>
</p>
<p>With a sigh, you change the topic to something else. Anything else at this point. By the time Gamzee is rummaging through the cabinets in the meal block, you have managed to calm everyone down from their worried fury. You tell them that you are going to go confront him immediately and they wish you good luck. </p>
<p>The conversation about boundaries is super awkward but revealing. Funnily enough, it turns out he has no idea what is considered appropriate when dealing with real life trolls since he lived on the beach and killed anyone who invaded his territory. Also he does not watch movies. You begin rectifying that immediately. </p>
<p>Although the pile ends up staying, you do rummage through your sylladex for some of your own items to add to it. The thing ends up being mostly comprised of old movie hexagons and bicycle horns. Not the most comfortable accommodations, but definitely something that does not ping you as creepy and wrong every time you glance at it.</p>
<p>In no time at all, you are at the night for your next meet up. You will be unable to actually fight this round due to having a gaping hole in your torso, but Gamzee has promised to also sit out to keep you company. (And also to keep the others from "accidentally" injuring him.) While he is busy getting ready for your weekly grief session, you suddenly get a great idea for a prank. </p>
<p>"Hey, Gamz," you sidle up to his side. "Can I borrow some of that?"</p>
<p>He glances to where you are pointing, "My paints?"</p>
<p>You nod, "Yeah. I wanna prank the crew."</p>
<p>He smiles, "Sure thing, invertebro." </p>
<p>You make a huge mess with the sticky glop, but manage to smear enough of it on your face to get the point across. After a few minutes, the giant decides to help you out with your makeup. He even gives you your own unique design, just like a real Subjuggulator. You cannot be one in reality, of course. Subjuggulators are only purplebloods. Still, the effect is quite terrifying.</p>
<p>Gamzee thinks it is amazing and hilarious. Oh well, too late to go back now. You still worry the entire way to Rosean's hive that your sense of humor is damaged. Still, when you open the door (not bothering to knock), you put on your best wide grin (the kind Daevid calls creepy). The one closest to the entrance is the nubby horned troll who had been rooting for your newly-formed moirallegiance. When he glances over, he does a double take.</p>
<p>"JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!" exclaims Karkat so loudly that everyone else literally drops what they are doing to turn and see.</p>
<p>Your grin wobbles, "Oh my God." Then you bust out laughing, "I can't do this, Gamzee. Look at their faces! Oh my God, they're in shock!"</p>
<p>"This... is a joke?" Jadite asks.</p>
<p>"Real funny, Egbert," Daevid grumbles as Gamzee hands you a towel. "Did you really just use Subjuggulator culture to scare all of us? What were we even going to do if he had actually converted you to the Mirthful Messiahs?"</p>
<p>You snicker, still trying to rub the greasy mess off your face, "Hopefully not just stand there like idiots? I mean, that reaction was probably not conducive towards your survival chances. Fucking Hell! Does this stuff ever actually come off? Gamz! What did you do to me?!"</p>
<p>There is an amused snort above you, "Symbols of dedication should be hard to remove."</p>
<p>"I loath to agree with your coarse companion, but he does have a point," the prim jadeblood says. "I believe the saying goes beauty is pain."</p>
<p>You reemerge from the towel to glare at her. The petite smirk on her perfectly painted lips gives your Prankster's Gambit a twinge of regret. Still, your stunt seems to have loosened the group up from the murderous mob you expected back into your regular gang. You are escorted to the recreational seating unit and told in no uncertain terms that you are to remain in place. </p>
<p>It is weird not being in charge for once. All around you the group hustles and bustles. Feferi emerges from the meal block with snacks and refreshments. A small group of Equius, Jadite, and Sollux are fiddling with the combat robots as Aradia and Nepeta watch with obvious pride. Despite his protests, Karkat is quite efficient in getting the pairings set up for fights. Even Eridan is on his best behavior as he intensely discusses maritime battle tactics with Rosean and Kanaya.</p>
<p>There is a calmness about the crew, an efficiency, that translates less as the motions of machinery and more as a musical composition. Separate instruments all going about their own parts to form melodious harmony. For the first time in years, your fingers itch to play the piano- to scribble furiously on some paper until the composition is mapped out in its entirety. Instead you simply sit back and enjoy it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Equivocate</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Despite his awkward advances and the clusterfuck that was the entire inclade threatening him with bodily harm, your budding relationship with Gamzee is doing well. This is the happiest you have been in literal sweeps, and you decide that now is the time. You zap back into the past to give yourself some much needed advice.</p>
<p>He is so small. Geez. Like even you are surprised at just how tiny you used to be. And wearing that Godawful giant black shirt. You had completely forgotten about that. Even though you hang around for a couple minutes, he does not notice you. </p>
<p>"Hey, idiot," you call attention to yourself. He startles, nearly jumping straight out of his chair. Gosh, had you really been this scatterbrained? </p>
<p>"Right now you are still trying to figure out what to do," you tell him. "Don't worry about it too much. I mean, you can't fuck up too bad since I'm here to give you some advice."</p>
<p>"Yeah?" he squeaks.</p>
<p>"Yeah," you grin. "Starting with getting your priorities sorted. Order glasses and clothes and other essentials now. Then move on to learning everything you can about Alternia and trolls. It's the only thing that is going to help you stay alive long enough to become me. And trust me, it gets good enough that you'll want that to happen." </p>
<p>When he nods, you continue, "After that, you should try online forums. Don't worry about finding everyone. Eventually, they will find you. Try to remember that all communications are monitored to some extent. We've slipped up once or twice, but nothing so bad as to be unfixable. The rest will work itself out in time."</p>
<p>"Okay, but what is the goal here?" he asks. "I mean, we just get dropped off on a different planet as an alien to... live out our pathetically short life? If this is The Game's idea of godhood for a new universe, I want a refund."</p>
<p>"Don't we all!" You laugh before sobering, "Sadly, we will have to make do with the consolation prize of a re-do for our gray buddies' lives. And... this is a second chance for them. We can't let them squander it by making the same mistakes." He stares at you blankly. Well, shit. He does not understand. "Remember how a lot of them died during their session of The Game? Well, apparently that shit started before they even downloaded SGRUB."</p>
<p>"Oh." </p>
<p>"Yeah, they need a lot of help. The good news is that The Game, may it burn in Hell for eternity, left us one tool at our disposal. I suppose technically two if you count our memories."</p>
<p>"Right!" brightens past-you. "Retcon powers! That makes this whole thing a little more doable. If I fail..."</p>
<p>"You just try again," you finish. "And in some cases, again and again. But one thing at a time." You lean over him to reach the computer (and holy shit he is so tiny), "Here. This is a site you want to keep handy. It is a catalogue for rustblood merchandise. It won't have any of the really good shit on it, but you can at least get the basics."</p>
<p>As he is busy staring at the screen, figuring out what he needs, you zap out. He will be okay now. You know because he is really just you a few sweeps ago. Except, when you zap back you do not end up where you began. You find yourself standing outside of an unknown hive. </p>
<p>Although perhaps that is also not entirely accurate. You sort of have an idea whose home this might be, but you are not entirely sure what you are doing here. Oh well. The retcon powers have never led you astray before. Instead of attempting to zap out again, you float over and knock on the door. </p>
<p>There is a heavy thump, and what sounds like a whimper. That is not okay. Fuck it, you will ask for forgiveness later. With a mild twinge of pain, you are able to telekinetically unlock the entryway and step inside. What you see momentarily causes you bloodpusher to stop beating. </p>
<p>Daevid is standing over a cowering Karkat, hands reaching for the nubby horned troll. Karkat himself has both of his prongs clamped over his face. However, you feel like you have seen this exact scenario before. Except, you suppose, you were not here. In your dreams, the version with you gone does not end well for your mutant friend. </p>
<p>With a growl, you tamp down on that feeling of molten metal in your head and you <i>yank</i>. With pulsing white light, Daevid goes flying backwards from his boyfriend. Ow. Fuck. Panache. At least this got their attention refocused on you instead of each other. </p>
<p>"Get out," you rumble at the indigoblood.</p>
<p>"Wh- He's my matesprit!" exclaims Daevid indignantly. "You are the one who should get out!"</p>
<p>You pull your best friendleader voice out, "Daevid! I said go! You fucked up, and now is the time to leave. You aren't helping the situation."</p>
<p>With a stricken expression, he glances over to the terrified posture of his boyfriend. Then his shoulders droop. He realizes that you are right. This is not a healthy scenario for a newly formed flushed relationship. Stiffly turning about, he marches out of the door like a soldier going off to war. Always with the theatrics. </p>
<p>You turn towards your cofriendleader, "You okay, buddy?"</p>
<p>"Fuck you!" is the muffled reply.</p>
<p>You sigh in relief, "Okay, yeah. You're fine. Sheesh, that was tense. I'm going to-"</p>
<p>"What are you even doing here?" asks Karkat. </p>
<p>"I was in the subgrub," you shrug. </p>
<p>His eyes narrow with suspicion, "Uh-huh. Sure. Let's pretend for just a moment that I believe that blaring lie. Even if that was the case, you have never been to my hive before. How did you even know it was mine? Or do you make it a habit to just waltz into any dwelling you come across in the vain hopes that maybe it will be someone who will not immediately murder you for trespassing?"</p>
<p>You scuff the floor with your battered shoe, "It's, uh, kinda a psychic thing."</p>
<p>"What, like Sollux's voices?" he frowns in your general direction. "That's... creepy. So, what? You just can sense when one of us is in danger or something and come zooming in for the rescue?"</p>
<p>"Sort of," you grimace. "I've done this kind of thing before. With Tavros. And I guess Gamzee as well. Gamzee a lot of the time, actually."</p>
<p>"Huh," he says. Then he finally gets up off the floor and starts walking away. For a moment, you are uncertain if he wants you to stay or not. You had been saying you were going to leave a moment ago, but he had interrupted you. After nearly a minute of indecision, he makes it easy for you.</p>
<p>"Hey asshole!" he shouts from further within the hive. "Do you happen to still have some of that makeup?"</p>
<p>You grin. Your hoarding of items always comes in handy, as does your frequent forgetfulness on returning things. Passing him the lipstick through the cracked doorway, you wait while he attempts to make himself presentable again. Eventually he emerges from the ablution block, looking a bit like he wants to crawl out of his own skin.</p>
<p>"So what even happened?" you ask.</p>
<p>The ire is instantaneous, "Everything was going so well! We were having a grand time watching movies and eating grubcorn, even if the highblood bastard couldn't keep his mouth shut for more than a minute. That first kiss was so perfect! I mean, it isn't like I actually expected triumphant music playing in the background as he swept me off my feet or anything- but it was... nice. A little awkward, but nice. Then the bastard bit me!"</p>
<p>"Oh," is all you can say, because this is already becoming too much information that you never wanted to know about your best bro or your cofriendleader.</p>
<p>"That's all you have? 'Oh'? Because, let me tell you, there is a lot more you could be saying," the rant starts up proper. "I know your thinkpan is horribly damaged, but even you should realize there are a lot of things wrong with this. There should probably be a large flag in the middle of the shitheap that says, 'Wait a minute. You two are not in a black relationship.' Upon which I will say, 'Congratulations! You nailed the point.'</p>
<p>"He fucking <i>bit</i> me! Right on the mouth! Who even does that to their flush crush? A moronic indigoblood, that's who! I mean, some pain in a matespritship is acceptable when both parties have discussed it beforehand. If we had been established matesprits for a while I might even have been okay with it. But no! Nobles are apparently exempt from any rules when it comes to their own relationships. How does Aradia ever put up with this?"</p>
<p>"I have no idea," you faintly reply. </p>
<p>"At least she and Equius are so busy vacillating that maybe biting is foreplay for them," he continues, much to your dismay. "I mean, they flip from black to red almost every single time they see each other. I'm sure they have some sort of system worked out already. But that is not the point! Daevid overstepped like three different boundaries just now, and he did not even realize it.</p>
<p>"I was freaking out, and instead of giving me space like any sane troll, he pushed it. He tried to corner me in my own hive! ... Actually, if you hadn't shown up, I'm not sure what would have happened. Nothing good, I'm sure."</p>
<p>You wince, "I'm just glad you are okay."</p>
<p>The reality is that you know exactly what would happen. You are not quite sure how, but you suspect it has something to do with retcon powers and your freaky nightmares that are always just a bit too realistic. Scenarios that play over and over again as you frantically try to fix them, losing yourself along the way. Sometimes you wonder if they are echoes of your doomed selves from dead-end timelines, but that is just silly. The Game is over, after all. There are no more doomed timelines.</p>
<p>"Yeah..." the nubby-horned guy trails off, looking at you strangely. </p>
<p>You shake yourself a little to get the weird funk out of your thinkpan, "Ah, so. Sorry for the unexpected visit. I'll just-"</p>
<p>"Wait!" he interrupts. "Since you're here... you want to talk about you and Gamzee?"</p>
<p>Frowning, you hesitate. "Um, I'm not sure..."</p>
<p>"Focusing on other trolls' relationships helps," Karkat tells you. "So sit your regrettably decent ass down on my recreational seating unit and give me all of the nitty-gritty details. It is important for you to do this shit right. You <i>do</i> realize he is actually dangerous?"</p>
<p>"I think I'm well versed in his abilities by now," you snort even as you are escorted towards the couch. "He's the only one who has ever gotten close to killing me. Stupid jumping in front of other people aside, anyway."</p>
<p>It takes a few moments for you to register that you are absently tracing your most recent stab wound through your shirt. Whoops. With a guilty glance, you note that your friend is resolutely pretending not to notice. At least one of you has some manners. You would blame your insomnia, but you think Karkat somehow actually gets less sleep than you do.</p>
<p>"I would be more concerned about your moirail nearly murdering you, but that kind of seems like the only way you would agree to be trapped in a quadrant in the first place," he mutters in disgust. "Knowing the two of you, it probably wasn't even romantic in the least."</p>
<p>You roll your eyes, "Yeah, sure."</p>
<p>"You are going to tell me everything," demands Karkat. "Don't leave a single detail out. I know this will be hard for your miniscule thinkpan, but luckily I will be here to walk you through the events and ask all the right questions."</p>
<p>You sigh. Of course this is what the nubby-horned troll considers the height of quality time together. You relay the events leading up to the confession and your (somewhat reluctant) acceptance, pausing to backtrack every couple sentences as he asks for clarification. Things you consider unimportant, such as when exactly Gamzee had begun touching your face, are scrutinized under a microscope. By the time he is satisfied, you are almost bored to tears.</p>
<p>"Okay," he nods to himself, hand on chin. "It actually is slightly more romantic than I previously assumed. At least the lanky bastard was <i>trying</i> to do things in the right order. He really jumped the gun on a lot of it, but honestly it could have been a lot worse. Especially considering the respiteblock thing.</p>
<p>"You, however, are an idiot," he turns his attention back towards you. "I can't believe you almost let the second-best diamond in our inclade never form because you 'don't want to pick favorites.' Well, guess what, asshole? None of us are all that butthurt about you quadranting to the clown. I mean, there are those who disapprove and those who think you need a conciliator more than to be the one doing the papping- but as a whole we are not going to bemoan the fact you are now part of an exclusive item.</p>
<p>"I mean, if the last meeting was any indication, you are still going to act the same as always. It's not like you are going to stop being our friendleader just because you are dating someone. There are always going to be pranks to pull and trolls to push back into line. Just now you are in charge of keeping your highblood on a leash. Literally if necessary."</p>
<p>"Aw, come on! He's not that bad!" you say. One raised eyebrow has you backpedaling, "Okay, well maybe sometimes he is a bit inappropriate. But he's gotten better!"</p>
<p>"Less than a wipe ago he tried to hate-snog Equius," points out Karkat. "And that was while Aradia was in the room."</p>
<p>You wince, "Maaaaybe he doesn't always think things through. At least he's not tried to actually murder anyone in a perigree."</p>
<p>"Johnny, your bar is set so low that it is actually underground," he informs you. "There are beasts who would probably meet your standards of acceptable social behavior. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. You brought the psycho clown into the crew in the first place."</p>
<p>"Hey, he's been part of the crew for as long as you have," you frown. "And you blackmailed your way into the group!"</p>
<p>His eyes narrow, "Touché." </p>
<p>"Anyway, if we're done dissecting my relationship, can I go home?" you ask. "My panache from using my powers has not exactly abated."</p>
<p>"Oh, shit. I forgot about that," he gives a sympathetic wince. "You have the worst psychic abilities. It's not even fair that you damage your already miniscule thinkpan every time you use them."</p>
<p>"Yeah, it does suck," you agree, already getting up and moving towards the exit.</p>
<p>"Hey, uh, Johnny," he calls after you. When you pause and glance over your shoulder, he continues, "Thanks."</p>
<p>You smile, "No problem." </p>
<p>Then you are out the door and making your way a safe distance from the hive. No need to zap out literally on his doorstep. Although you are not very careful if other trolls see you. Who cares? It is not like you will have to explain to them the hows and whys of your teleportation. Still, you get home in no time at all. </p>
<p>Your husktop is merrily pinging away. When you go to silence it, you note that Sollux must have finished coding the extension for Trollian to allow for group chats. Oh. Oh no. Fuck, he actually made the memo system. You heard about those from Jade. Human Jade. You really hope that they do not actually involve future and past versions of trolls like they did in the medium. Otherwise your thinkpan might literally explode.</p>
<p>
  <span class="sollux">TA: okay ya'll. ii've fiinally gotten thiis shiit operatiional 2o we can chat here on my 2erver iin2tead of the forum2. meaniing thii2 ii2 way more 2ecure for group dii2cu22iion2. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: you're welcome. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YOU MEAN YOU HAVE ANOTHER REASON TO EXPECT US ALL TO PROSTRATE OURSELVES BEFORE YOUR AMAZING HACKER SKILLS. YOU WOULDN'T EVEN ACCEPT MY HELP WITH CODING ANY OF THIS SHIT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: probably becau2e ii actually wanted iit two work. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: uH, wHY DO WE NEED THIS, aGAIN? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: 8ecause we need somewhere to talk a8out overthrowing the old crone! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: oH, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; i still say the forum boards are more convenient. my trollnet connection is somewhat spotty </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: :33 &lt; *ac wonders if it is a good idea to type that even here* </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (congratulations, sollux!)  </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (this is really cool!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: at lea2t JN love2 me. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: JoHnNy LoVeS mE mOrE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: (&lt;&gt;) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (gamzee! group chatroom!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YES, WE ALL KNOW YOU TWO ARE DATING, GAMZEE. OF COURSE HE LOVES YOU THE MOST- YOU'RE HIS MOIRAIL. THERE'S NO NEED TO MAKE PUBLIC DISPLAYS OUT OF IT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: :O( </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (ugh, you are impossible.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: :33 &lt; *ac watches intently to see what the little hopbeast will do* </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: :O( </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (you're going to do this all night until i give you what you want, aren't you?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Pffft. This is pathetic. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: :O( </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: AT LEAST YOU ARE AWARE HIS FAILINGS AS A DECENT TROLL. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (&lt;&gt; you too. now cut it out.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: (＾▽＾) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: you are 2o whiipped. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; it's kind of cute, actually </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; he even used johnny's emoticon!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: :33 &lt; *as much as she despises agreeing with the crude barkbeast, ac must admit it is adorable* </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: iT IS GOOD THAT gAMZEE HAS SOMEONE TO HELP KEEP HIM TOGETHER, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Well, if this is the place to discuss our options, then I have some gr8 ideas to share! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: PLEASE TELL ME THEY ARE NOT PLANS THAT END UP WITH ONE OR MORE OF US DEAD FOR THE GOOD OF THE CAUSE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: or dii2membered. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Come on, guys! I'm not *that* heartless! </span>
</p>
<p>You are quickly distracted by something entirely different. It looks like a new contact has reached out to your account. That is really strange, as the only ones you talk to on Trollian are your crew. When you pull up the chat, you quickly become convinced that someone must have the wrong trolltag. </p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">undyingUmbrage</span>
  <span class="caliborn"> [uu] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">began trolling ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: FINALLY. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: DO YOu HAVE ANY IDEA. HOW HARD IT IS. TO FuCKING uSE THIS SHITTY PROGRAM? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: IT IS REALLY HARD. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: BuT THAT IS FINE. BECAuSE I HAVE TRIuMPHED. OVER THIS STuPID CHAT CLIENT. THAT DOES NOT EVEN HAVE JEERING AS AN OPTION. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: ALL OF THIS EFFORT IS FOR ONE PuRPOSE. TO TELL YOu JuST HOW MuCH YOU HAVE FuCKED uP. BY MAKING ME YOuR NEMESIS. I WILL MOW YOu DOWN WHEN I FIND YOu. AND YOuR ENTIRE LITTLE CREW OF WIGGLERS. THIS WILL GIVE ME THE MOST JOY IMAGINABLE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (um, hey there.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i have no idea who you are, and i'm pretty busy right now.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (so unless you give me a good reason, i'm just going to block you.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: WHAT DO YOu MEAN. YOu DO NOT KNOW ME? WE HAVE MET BEFORE. AND FOuGHT. AND YOu THOUGHT THAT YOu WON. BuT YOU DID NOT WIN. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: NO ONE EVER WINS AGAINST ME. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (sorry, i don't recall this trolltag.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (you must have me confused with someone else.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: I AM CALBOR. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: FuCK. I MEANT CALIBORN. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: ALSO KNOWN TO SOME AS LORD ENGLISH. </span>
</p>
<p>Your veins are filled with ice. </p>
<p>Of all the people to remember The Game, Caliborn is quite possibly the worst. Because if the little green gremlin is here and he knows about SBURB, he is probably well on his way to trying to become Lord English. Now that is a fight you are not looking forward to in the least. Well, at least not the adult form. You would not mind beating the shit out of the teenage form again. </p>
<p>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: IT APPEARS THAT WE ARE THE ONLY ONES. THAT REMEMBER THE GAME. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: I BELIEVE IT TO BE THE FAuLT OF THE JuJuS. AS I AM STILL IN POSSESSION OF MINE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (what the fuck is a juju?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: WHAT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: YOU DO NOT KNOW. WHAT A JuJu IS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: DID YOuR WHOLE PLAN. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: TO DEFEAT MY ADuLT FORM. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: NOT HINGE ON ONE? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (oh! you mean the thing vriska found in the treasure chest?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (she called it like an ancient magic or something.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: SO YOu DO HAVE IT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (no, i never had that. vriska is the one who was carrying it towards the end of the game. i think.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: WHAT? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: THEN HOW DO YOu REMEMBER?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (no idea. i thought it was due to my retcon powers.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: WHAT THE FuCK. ARE RETCON POWERS? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (that's what we were calling my ability to teleport through time and space to fuck shit up.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: WAIT. YOu CAN DO THAT?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: SINCE WHEN?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: YOu ARE NOT EVEN A TIME PLAYER. OR A SPACE ONE.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (tell me about it!)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (it doesn't even work the way i want half the time.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (and i've been able to do it since... oh. well.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i guess maybe touching the thing inside the treasure box was maybe a bad idea.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: ARE YOu SAYING. THAT YOu ABSORBED THE JuJu? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: YOu SENT YOuR TRuMP CARD WITH AN EMPTY CHEST. TO FIGHT MY ADuLT FORM? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: IF IT WAS ME. I WOuLD SAY THAT PLAN IS BRILLIANT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: COMING FROM YOuR LOT. IT IS THE STuPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (whatever.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: YOu ARE MOST DISRESPECTFuL. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: HAVE YOu FORGOTTEN. THAT I CAME HERE TO DECLARE MY INTENT. TO MuRDER YOu. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: THIS IS A THING THAT WILL HAPPEN. BY THE WAY. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="caliborn">uu: I WILL KILL ALL THE WORLDS. AND RECLAIM MY PLACE. AS THE MOST POWERFuL BEING. IN THE uNIVERSE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (how about you go fuck yourself?) </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span class="pesterlog">ghostyTrickster</span>
  <span class="john"> [GT] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">has blocked undyingUmbrage</span>
  <span class="caliborn"> [UU] </span>
  <span class="pesterlog">!</span>
</p>
<p>Fuck. Oh well- that conversation was not going anywhere anyway. You kind of wish you knew where he was so you could retcon there and beat him up again. As if it was not bad enough that you are the only one of your group that remembers. As if it was not bad enough you lost Roxy and the others. The Game decided to throw one last curve ball at you. Mother. Fucking. Caliborn.</p>
<p>If he does not try to destroy the universe, you will eat your hat. If you had a hat. Okay, maybe someone else's hat? That seems rude, though. Point being, now that you know he is out there somewhere, you are certain that he is up to no good. Ugh, what if he is a troll like all of you? Maybe you will get lucky and someone will cull him! </p>
<p>Troll or cherub, he is a menace. It does not bode well that he is finally contacting you at the same time that your crew is attempting to gear up their efforts in taking down the Alternian Empire. He could be affiliated with surveillance teams or drones. You suppose in the end it does not really matter. Only one question remains.</p>
<p>Do you tell the others about Caliborn?</p>
<p>How would you even explain him? A larval form of a time-traveling demon from another universe that wants to destroy everything. Yeah, real believable. That also opens up the can of dirt noodles about your own memories and abilities. It is just so much hassle that you do not want to go through if you can help it. Not to mention hunting him down would divert resources from the main objective of seeing Feferi on the throne.</p>
<p>In the end, you decide that Her Imperial Condescension should be the focus of the inclade. If nothing else, she will be a great test to see if they are ready to face the wretched green goblin. Not that you are dismissing her powers. You <i>still</i> have nightmares of how easily she batted you all around in The Game. Not to mention the remains of the fight the others had with her from your original timeline. All your friends and Roxy's dead. </p>
<p>The Batterwitch really is the most deplorable villain. She took the most away from you, and from everyone else. With her extended experience and psychic powers, she took and took until there was nothing left for her to steal and the world was destroyed. The whole universe was destroyed. Several of them, actually. Your thinkpan hurts just trying to account for everything.</p>
<p>Anyway, no talking to the crew about the baby demon. It will just complicate things. You will have to direct your attention to the task at hand. Speaking of which, you feel like you were supposed to be doing something important right now. Fuck. Surely a future you would come and remind you if it was <i>that</i> important. </p>
<p>You wait a few moments just to see if that will happen. Bored, you then decide tonight is a good night to make some food for once. You wander down to the meal block and begin searching through the thermal hull for ingredients. Making something for once is nice- peaceful in a way. Bunnydad even appears to waggle his ears at you in curiosity before floating through a wall. </p>
<p>"Watcha makin?" a voice mutters directly into your hear duct.</p>
<p>Your ear twitches, "Fucking- really? I told you to cut that shit out."</p>
<p>"Sorry," the ghost maneuvers to instead hover partially through the counter, so that she can still see what you are doing without crowding your personal bubble. "Seriously, though. Looks good. Smells better."</p>
<p>"Don't you have someone else to haunt?" you roll your eyes.</p>
<p>"Nah, your neighbors are either all dead or moved out already. I'm bored."</p>
<p>"Here," you gesture to the cutting board. "Learn something new. We're making actual food. Then you can go off and feed people."</p>
<p>"What kind of lame ghost would I be then?" she pouts.</p>
<p>"I don't know," you roll your eyes. "What kind of lame name is Hannah anyway?"</p>
<p>"Ouch," she feigns being hurt. "You said you liked my name."</p>
<p>"Shut up and watch," you begin. "First we cut all of these up. Come on, I'll show you the proper way to hold a knife."</p>
<p>It is soothing to teach someone else the things your own father taught you. Even if the person learning is an alien ghost and not your own child. Whatever. You would probably make a lousy parent anyway. And trolls do not even raise their young, so it is a moot point. Together the two of you manage to make a whole meal. Hannah even asks to cook with you again sometime (even though she cannot eat). </p>
<p>By the time you get back to your husktop, things are taking a turn for the worse. Seriously, how are all of your friends such drama queens? You went through puberty (are currently going through puberty again [AGAIN!!! WTF!!!]) with like two whole mental breakdowns. Everyone else is currently having a meltdown and it is basically routine by now.</p>
<p>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Wh8t do you mean my id8a sucks???????? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: 2orry. we mean you 2uck a2 a troll iin general. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: VRISKA. PLEASE REALIZE THAT WE ARE NOT IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM READY TO TAKE ON ACTUAL DRONES. THERE ARE ADULTS WHO ARE UNABLE TO TAKE DOWN EVEN ONE IMPERIAL DRONE. MEANING IF OUR PALTRY CREW OF FUCKING PUPAS EVER FACED ONE, WE WOULD BE SUMMARILY SLAUGHTERED LIKE HOOFBEASTS GONE TO MARKET. IT WOULDN'T EVEN BE AN ENTERTAINING SIGHT FOR THE EMPRESS, LET ALONE A REAL FIGHT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: i think you all are forgetting that vvris and i havve our secret trump cards</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: aND WHAT ARE THOSE, uH, sUPPOSED TO BE?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: the legendary wweapons our ancestors used</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: NOT THIS LOAD OF CRAP AGAIN. THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS ANCESTORS! IT IS A TALE TOLD TO YOUNG HIGHBLOOD WIGGLERS TO MAKE THEM FEEL SPECIAL AND MORE IMPORTANT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; i agree with karkat!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; not about the ancestor thing maybe but the other part </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; we just are not ready yet </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (whoa, whoa, whoa! what are you guys discussing while i'm afk?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: *ac looks from one side of the argument to the other, unable to decide which is right* </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: wElCoMe BaCk, BrOtHeR. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THANK JEGUS CHRIST! MAYBE YOU CAN TALK SOME SENSE INTO SPIDERBITCH AND AMPORA. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Hey! As tactihistorians, our input is invaluable! We make the decisions to 8etter the whole group. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (what is the actual plan, vriska?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: We draw out some drones with the ruse of some kind of mutant. Nothing certain, of course! 8ut something to get their attention to send one or two to see if it is true. Then we kill them. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: wwhat she means is that some a them carry a particular item that holds information. information wwe need </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Which is the point! That 8lack 8ox would be gr8 for our purposes! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: whiich we cannot confiirm that they even have. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: you could be rii2kiing everyone for nothiing. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (oh.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: OH IS RIGHT. THEY ARE INSANE AND NEED TO BE REINED IN BY US COFRIENDLEADERS UNTIL OTHERS WANT TO STEP UP AND BE IN THEIR DIAMOND CORNERS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (no, i agree with her. this is important.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: See!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i just don't want to risk any of you getting hurt or injured for a rumor.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: tHAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN SAYING,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; agreed!! the risk is not worth the potential benefits right now </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: look. jon. wwe really do not havve the time to wwait until wwe are ready. if there is a wway to get a tactical advantage, wwe need to take it </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (okay. i'll get one.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHAT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: what. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; um, no offense johnny, but that seems like an even worse idea </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i will be fine. compared to the empress, drones are nothing.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: mY bRoThEr, ThAt SoUnDs LiKe An AwFuL pLaN. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHY ARE YOU MAKING IT SOUND LIKE YOU HAVE FOUGHT THE EMPRESS BEFORE? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW STRONG A DRONE EVEN IS? THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL BE ABLE TO DO THIS BY YOURSELF. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Johnny gets it! The Empress is just the end goal. If we can't take on a couple drones, what chance do we ever have against her?</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: *the mighty hunterrorist looks sadly after the little hopbeast and says* even if you are a pawful good fighter, don't go alone</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: eXcElLeNt ThOuGhT, nEpEtA. i CaN gO. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (absolutely not.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i will be fine, gamz. trust me.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: :O( </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: AND HOW ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE OUT A DRONE AND RIP OUT A LIKELY MYTHICAL PIECE OF TECHNOLOGY FROM ITS RUINED CORPSE? I HAVE SEEN YOU DO SOME SHIT WITH THAT WARHAMMER, BUT I THINK THE LAWS OF PHYSICS AND SIMPLE COMMON SENSE STATE YOU ARE DOOMED TO FAILURE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i have my ways.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: ye2. becau2e that ii2 not omiinou2 a2 all fuck. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: as the leader of the inclade, it makes the most sense for him to go</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: i MEAN, oF ALL OF US, jOHNNY PROBABLY STANDS THE BEST CHANCE,</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; bluh!!!</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; you are all being so dumb!!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; we don't even know if these stupid things exist </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Well, that's something we can look into while our good 8uddy takes on some drones. I've got a place or 8 to check. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: iif you are searchiing the black market ju2t know ii'm already on iit.</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: well fuck</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: i mean </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="nepeta">AC: *ac says* shucks, that seems dangerous </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: NO, I THINK YOU HAD IT RIGHT THE FIRST TIME, NEPETA. THIS IS GOING TO BE A DISASTER. BUT IN THIS CREW, WHAT ELSE IS NEW? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: JOHNNY, THERE PROBABLY IS NOTHING I CAN SAY TO CHANGE YOUR MIND, SO I AM GOING TO JUST TELL YOU TO BE CAREFUL. IF THERE IS EVEN AN INKLING OF DOUBT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE ABLE TO BEAT THE GIANT SPIKEY BASTARDS, FLY OUT OF THERE AS FAST AS YOU CAN. THEY WILL ONLY CHASE YOU SO FAR. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Awwwwwwww, look how much he *cares* about you, Johnny. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: SHUT THE FUCK UP! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (⊡ ▽ ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="gamzee">TC: i StIlL dOn'T lIkE yOu GoInG aLoNe. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i would just fret if you came with me.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (sollux, i will bring it to you if i get one. you're the only one who probably can figure out how to decrypt it.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: faiir. ii will 2end you my addre22 priivately. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; i would argue with that, but he really is better than i am</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (depending on the heat, i might not be able to give you much warning.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: noted. ii wiill pretend two clean my hiive, but actually do nothiing. </span>
</p>
<p>Heh. A troll after your own bloodpusher. The others continue to express their concern for a little while, but they eventually give up trying to talk you out of it. Thank goodness. You really cannot stand when they think they know better than you do. After all, you are over double their age and have survived three universes now. </p>
<p>Besides, it would not be all that bad if you did die. They would still have most of the tools they needed to get past Ascension. Provided, of course, that Feferi is able to defeat her ancestor in ritualistic combat. Bluh. You need to work with her more, but unfortunately your style of fighting is far different from someone who uses a culling fork. Maybe Tavros would be a good match for parrying lunges at least...</p>
<p>You wake with a start.</p>
<p>What? When did you...? Oh boy. You haul yourself partially out of your recuperacoon that you do not remember getting into. You must have traveled back in time to put yourself to bed, since Bunnydad cannot physically interact with objects much larger than a grubloaf these days. Ugh, you feel like a wiggler. That is somewhat mortifying. </p>
<p>At least the daymares were not too awful this time. The sopor slime is warm and inviting, making you want to stay forever. Still, you have work to do. Drones to kill and all that. Ugggghh, drones. You sink further into the green goop and blow a few bubbles. </p>
<p>Eventually you do leave your coon, albeit begrudgingly. A quick trip to the ablution trap and you are ready for a new night. Time to kick ass and take names. Err, it would be if drones even had names. You are pretty sure they are mechanical. Regardless, you double check that you have both the Warhammer of Zillyhoo and your spiked greaves in your strife deck. Your sylladex also gets a cursory glance for any useful items. </p>
<p>Already thinking of other places and errands, you zap away to the nearest <b>DRON3</b>. That password dumps you out into the middle of a razing hive. Ah, yes. Retcon powers at their finest. Jesus, these flames are hot! You quickly float up and out a window, looking for drones. At first you see nothing besides the usual mayhem that goes along with a subgrub during a hive invasion. There are even gawkers. </p>
<p>Then you spot one. Giant spikey bastards really should be easier to find. With a grin, you equip your hammer and give it a twirl. Ah, you have been absolutely dying for a good strife. There are a few gasps in the background as you lunge forward. A gauntlet comes up in the nick of time, blocking your blow. For being so huge, it is really quick. </p>
<p>Then it brings up its other arm to counter attack and- OH GODS THAT IS A MISSILE! It is through sheer luck that you manage to fall backwards fast enough to dodge the thing. Your brain is screaming 'BAD IDEA!! THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!!' even as you equip your greaves in a split-second and lash out with one leg. You are lucky that you can wield both of your weapons at the same time. </p>
<p>Your shin collides with the thick armor. Thwack! ...But it barely leaves a dent. Blunt attacks seem to have little effect. You are put on the defensive as you start having to dodge swipes from its claws. Stupid robots. Stupid plating. <i>Stupid fucking Johnny</i>. Your frustration makes your attacks more ferocious. Not to mention if drones really are robots you do not have to feel guilty about going all out on them. </p>
<p>Baring your fangs, you unleash a barrage of attacks. Thump! Thump! Thump! Wow, these things are built tough! Even slamming into it full throttle is barely enough to cave in its thoracic cage. Oh, but you are not sure where the black box is located. Shit, should you be being more careful? You are pretty sure you do need it intact.</p>
<p>Your momentary indecision is all the fucker needs. Pain rakes through your side. Gross dark red spills all over the place. Bluh, more scars. Well, if you survive this, anyway. Enough playing around. You grab the metaphysical hot coil in your head and you <i>yank</i>. The head of the drone pops clean off as your nose starts bleeding. Ouch. Effective, but painful. </p>
<p>Wasting no time, you lope over to the massive body and begin picking it apart. You know what you need is black and box-like, but that is it. Man, maybe you should take the whole thing? Equius might be able to upgrade his own robots if he has this one to tear into pieces. You decide to get him one next time and damage it a little less. In the meantime, you note any weak points in its plating or joints that might be easier to break. At least next time you will have more knowledge on how to take down these stupid things.</p>
<p>You are completely distracted when the missile detonates right next to you. Roaring explosion and then ringing silence pound through your thinkpan as you go tumbling into a building. You might have just broken something. Annoying. You float up, zero in on the location of your warhammer, and call it to your hand. The fact that it nails a drone in the back of its helm on the way is simply a bonus. The ache in your head spikes further. </p>
<p>"Assholes," you mutter. You can barely hear your own voice. Yikes. That explosion must have damaged your hearing. Hopefully it is just temporary.</p>
<p>If you still had Godtier, this would be so much easier. Instead, you have to do this the old-fashioned way. With mangrit and determination. You zap forward and slam your hammer into one of them. As it stumbles backwards, you viciously kick at another. Again, the small dents in the armor are not encouraging. This is not going the way you intended. Frustration wells up inside you.</p>
<p>As you headbutt a drone when it grabs you, you hear someone commenting in the background, "Holy shit, he's insane!"</p>
<p>"Yeah, but he actually took down one, so that's impressive," another voice says. </p>
<p>"At least he's taking the heat off of us," a third sounds relieved. </p>
<p>Oh. Right, there were gawkers. Yeah, witnesses to this stupidity is the last thing you need. You manage to get your claws hooked under a drone's helm and crouch down on its shoulders. With a grunting heave, you stand up and the head comes clean off in your hands. Something collides with the side of your skull and you are regretting this decision so much.</p>
<p>Shit, this sucks. You grab the offending limb and twist lithely. There is a rending sound of metal tearing, then you are suddenly plummeting towards the ground. Thank goodness for levitation. As you right yourself, you drop the metal arm with disdain. One of your horns throbs in time with your pulse. FUCKING MISSILES!</p>
<p>Narrowly dodging being blown up again, you decide to stay in close-range with these pricks. Anything to keep them from shooting more of these awful things at you. There are only three more drones left. You already took down two. Piece of cake. (You fucking hate cake.) Retconning to them for the element of surprise, you unleash your fury. Which means you lash out with your warhammer a lot. </p>
<p>Your arms tingle and sting with each impact. Bash! Crash! There is a twinge in your abdomen from your old wound as you do a homerun maneuver, but it is ignorable for the moment. The overexertion will get to you later. </p>
<p>This is going just so *<i>swell</i>*. The exact moment as you flatten the arm of one drone, another cracks you across the back of your head. Stunned, you go down. Solid ground under your back. Oh fuck. Through the stars dancing in your vision, you see a culling fork. Oh <i>FUCK</i>. </p>
<p>Pain blooms in your abdomen. </p>
<p>You are screaming. It hurts. More importantly, you are furious. How dare they stand in your way? This is for the crew! They are counting on you returning with this information! They are depending on you! Your scream turns into a bellow and you grab the long handle of the culling fork and <i>crush</i>. It shatters under your palms. </p>
<p>As you sit up (and WOW PAIN HI), you realize something is wrong. The drones had not pressed their advantage. You had been on your back, blinded by agony, and had a fork stuck in you. They were not going to get a better chance to cull you without you literally being served on a silver nutrition plateau. </p>
<p>They are currently hemmed in by a bristling menagerie of see-through trolls. It looks as if they cannot move without risking running into spirits and being torn to shreds. Blinking a few times to clear your vision, you adjust your glasses. Yep, still ghosts. Lots and lots of ghosts. Hey, you recognize that one!</p>
<p>"H-Hannah?!" you gape.</p>
<p>"You looked like you could use some help," she shrugs. "So I grabbed some of the others."</p>
<p>Glancing behind her, you do note that some of the other apparitions look familiar. They are all spirits you have helped in the past, one way or another. A couple of them nod or wave their acknowledgement. The twins from down the street help you to your feet. Oh wow. They are so small now. Never got the chance to age past five. </p>
<p>"What's the plan?" Hannah asks. </p>
<p>It takes a moment for you to realize she is asking you and not someone else. You, even though you still have three tines embedded into your useless meatsack. You, even though you have two little lowblood ghosts keeping you upright. At this point there might be more blood outside your body than inside. This is so surreal. Oh Gods, you actually saw Karkat die like this. (He was revived later by evil red Nana, but still.)</p>
<p>"Johnny?" they look to you expectantly.</p>
<p>"Fuck 'em up," you growl. </p>
<p>Delighted, the spirits round on the drones. It helps that they already hold a lot of grudges against the robots. In fact, quite a few of them were killed by drones. With this many lowblood psychics nearby, they have more than enough power to lift and tear apart small objects, such as joints or screws. Literally taking apart the robots at their welded seams, they seem to be having a lot of fun.</p>
<p>Overall it does not take them very long, but you have multiple penetrating wounds to your abdomen. Your patience is very limited. If you pull out the tines now, you will probably bleed to death in minutes. You cough. Ouch. Yeah, it is about time for you to head out.</p>
<p>"What were you even doing fighting them?" questions Hannah as you limp over to one of the bodies.</p>
<p>"Need a part," you speak to her in a hushed tone. "Black box. Has information. Might just take all their scraps for my hatefriend that makes robots, though."</p>
<p>"You'll want to leave behind their tracers," an oliveblood ghost informs you. "Otherwise more will show up at your hive."</p>
<p>You nod, "Right." </p>
<p>"Let us pick them apart for you," offers one of the twins. You squint. You think it is Jordan speaking and not Aliyah, but damn if you could ever tell them apart even on a good night. This is definitely not a good night.</p>
<p>"Crush the transmitters and put the explosives in a different pile. I'll shove the pieces in my sylladex," you decide. "I've gotta get to somewhere to patch up soon."</p>
<p>"Yeah, let's move, guys," Hannah grins brightly. "We don't want Johnny to end up like us. That would be just terrible."</p>
<p>"Oh, shut up," you roll your eyes. "<i>Someone</i> has to stay alive to help all you assholes pass on to the other side. Or, failing that, interact with large heavy objects."</p>
<p>"He has a point," concedes Aliyah. (You think. Aliyah is usually the more positive of the two.)</p>
<p>"Found your piece, boss!" one of the midblood ghosts chirps happily. You thank him and captchalogue the black rectangular thing. Then you shove all the robot parts in one card and all the missiles into another. There. Nice and tidy.</p>
<p>"Thanks, everyone," you tell them. "I'll make it up to you later." </p>
<p>You zap to <b>SOLLUX C4PTOR</b>. No use in wasting any time. You can drop off this shit before you get fixed up. You are once again dumped into a random hive. Well, actually a communal hivestem, seeing as how you are in a hallway facing a closed door. There is a stairwell behind you. Feeling a little woozy, you knock on the obstruction. </p>
<p>There is a noise that sounds a lot like a body hitting the floor, then silence. You knock again. There is a quiet shuffle. You wait a whole minute and nothing happens. Okay, you are too tired and injured for this. Even using your telekinesis to unlock the door sounds like too much work. Instead, you summon a ghost.</p>
<p>The bronzeblood who appears takes one look at you and then mutters explicatives as she slips through the door itself. There is a faint clicking sound and then it flies open. Thank Christ. You stumble forward, hand automatically going to steady the foreign object imbedded in your body. Ugh, it feels so weird to move right now. </p>
<p>You nearly are turned into ashes as Sollux releases an eye beam of destruction. He luckily is aiming up (expecting a taller hive invader, no doubt) and the doorway behind you takes the brunt of the incineration. There have been so many explosions around you that you do not even wince. Huh. You might be in shock. </p>
<p>"THIT!" he yells. "JN?!? Are you <i>trying</i> to get yourself ki- Ith that a culling fork?"</p>
<p>You look down at the tines, still connected to each other in a prominent shape, "Maaaaybe."</p>
<p>"Well, thit," he summarizes. </p>
<p>Before he can continue, you decaptchalogue the black box and hold it out to him. For a moment he just stares at it. Then he looks again at your abdomen. Then back at the box. Finally he settles for giving your whole body a once-over. You are acutely aware of just how many injuries you currently are displaying. It is fine. You are both moirailed trolls. And wow you do not pity him at all. </p>
<p>"You are a fucking idiot," he says, carefully enunciating each word. </p>
<p>You waggle the box around meaningfully. With a huff, he finally takes it. He also grabs your wrist with his other hand and pulls you farther into the hive. Unable to deal with being on your feet, you float along until he pushes you down onto his recreational seating unit. He tells you to stay in a tone that allows for no argument, and anyway you can hardly move to begin with. Although you woke up not too long ago, sleep sounds like an amazing idea. You drop off almost immediately.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Emollient</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You wake up confused and sore.</p>
<p>There is sopor slime everywhere. Did you even fall asleep in a coon? No, you are pretty sure the last thing you remember is giving the mysterious black box to Sollux. Your wounds have been at least bandaged, and when you move slightly you can feel the pull of stitches. Huh. Okay then. A weird buzzing noise fills the air.</p>
<p>Blearily you blink and look around to figure out where you are, regardless of the lack of glasses. There are honey stacks everywhere. You think this is a mainframe of a server, but you never were any good at technology or programming. A desk with an abandoned computer is pushed against another wall. Glancing down, you note that the slime you are in is actually blue and you are not going suddenly colorblind or something. The other half of the coon (separated for some reason?) is red. Oh.</p>
<p>OH.</p>
<p>Well, this is awkward. You really, really hope that Sollux did not actually patch you up and then put you to coon like a bad pale porno. Ugh, you think you might actually have watched part of one (before you realized what it was) that had a set up almost exactly like this. How is this your life? What did you do to deserve being the unwitting star in a rated 8 film? You are not even technically 8 sweeps old yet. Fuck your life.</p>
<p>As you despair, the door opens. Squinting, you realize that the person cannot be Sollux. Too tall. Then the smell hits you and okay it is even more awkward. It is Gamzee. How did he even get here? Nope. You are even more embarrassed. Sinking back into the slime, you hope that he did not see you and you can get away with pretending to be asleep. </p>
<p>"Johnny," he croons. </p>
<p>"Mmmrrrrph," you grumble.</p>
<p>"Hey, brightest diamond," he continues. "Jon. Sweetest sugar. Jonbro."</p>
<p>"Mmmrrr- what?" you finally crack.</p>
<p>Claws comb through your hair, "You awake enough to get your talk on, my darling? Because we need to get some gab on with one another."</p>
<p>Reluctantly you open one eye, "Does it have to be right now?"</p>
<p>Your scalp stings a bit as he tugs your head upwards, "Yes, brother. I think it has to be right fucking now, seeing as how you barely done healed from the last time you turned into a pin cushion. It'd be a motherfucking miracle if you could actually help this crew for once without throwing yourself onto sharp pointy objects. Do you understand me?"</p>
<p>Staring into his face, you can see the hurt in his eyes. Aw, shit. This is not what you intended. You feel like an asshole. As you open your mouth to reply, the door creaks open again. </p>
<p>"Hey GZ, did you-" the goldblood freezes in the doorway. "Uuuuh, I'm jutht gonna..." He backs up and shuts the door. Oh man, poor guy. As awkward as this is for you, it has to be worse for him to witness.</p>
<p>You gently thread your fingers between Gamzee's own, loosening their grip in the process, "Gamz... I didn't mean to-"</p>
<p>"I know," he interrupts. "I know you never mean to get so broken, but it is a side effect of your mentality that you matter the least. Every time you want to help, you jump without looking where you might land. And it hurts, motherfucker. It hurts so bad. Even if you value yourself so low, could you, just once, maybe consider that you are important to someone else?"</p>
<p>You want to squirm right out of your skin, "It's not... ugh, I mean. I know. You aren't going to be the only one mad about it, either. It's just... hard."</p>
<p>He moves his hands to gently cup your jawline, "It ain't that difficult to keep yourself intact on a night to night basis. Most of us manage just fine." He pauses. "Well, sometimes with a little help. But still."</p>
<p>That makes you quirk a small smile, "Yeah? I guess that's true."</p>
<p>"So, you hereby forbidden from tryin' to help the crew," he announces firmly, squishing your cheeks together a little. "Until such a time as you can prove you can take care of yourself a little better than what you do now. No more missions or meddling. No more motherfucking leaving me behind."</p>
<p>You are making a ridiculous fish face at him, "Bwuh! Fine!" </p>
<p>"And in the meantime, I am gonna take apart your pan until I find what makes you do such bad decisions and smash it into itty bitty pieces," he growls right into your face. At your expression, he grins wickedly, "Nobody ever said the pale quadrant was kind, my brother. It is my privilege to not only protect the world from you, but keep you safe from the world as well. That includes saving you from yourself."</p>
<p>"Get in here," you tug at his shoulder. </p>
<p>With some choked sound resembling a purr, he complies, clothes and all. You cuddle up to his chest immediately and feel the last bit of tension leak out of your body. As fucked up as troll society is, they at least got some things right. Moirails are the best thing either universe has ever made. Human romance is stupid. Quadrants are where it is at.</p>
<p>For a little while, you get to forget all of your problems and responsibilities. Ensconced in noodle-like arms made of steel, you finally feel safe. You slowly begin to drift off, completely relaxed. When the door opens again, you startle awake. </p>
<p>"Are you two done with your intervention?" questions Sollux. "I'd like to have my rethpiteblock back at thome point."</p>
<p>You laugh, "You're just mad you aren't snuggling your moirail right now."</p>
<p>"Point," he says. "But you have your own hiveth. Get out."</p>
<p>Gamzee grumbles, but allows you to leave the recuperacoon. The instant your feet touch the ground, though, he is scooping you back up into his arms. Apparently your walking privileges have been revoked. Fair. Also, you do not really want to move much with multiple puncture wounds to your body. A coma sounds really good right about now.</p>
<p>There is a hushed conversation, but you can barely keep your eyes open. Everything hurts. As he walks, your moirail hums. Between the rhythmic motion and his soothing lullaby, you soon find yourself falling asleep again. </p>
<p>You wake suddenly, confused and startled.</p>
<p>After a few moments, you recognize your recuperacoon at Gamzee's place. You are still terribly sore, but the pain has dulled enough for you to debate moving. On the other frond, the only reason to get up would be to talk to people and you have no idea if Gamzee will even be awake. He also might not tell you anything, since you are basically grounded. Wrinkling your nose, you simply eject your portable communication device from your sylladex. </p>
<p>A fair number of your crew look to still be online. You sigh in relief. </p>
<p>
  <span class="eridan">CA: wwe already said wwe wwere sorry. wwhat more do you wwant? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: I Believe We Have Already Discussed The Unfortunate Circumstances Surrounding Our Newest Intel. There Is No Need To Continue Harping On The Matter. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: yeah except you idiots let our palhoncho do something incredibly stupid </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: i still cant believe his moirail didnt talk him out of this </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: or one of you could have at least told me or rosean so we could stop him </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YES, BECAUSE JOHNNY IS SO GOOD AT LISTENING TO ANYONE IN THIS CREW, PARTICULARLY BLUEBLOODS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: IF ANY TROLL WAS GOING TO GET THROUGH TO HIM, IT WOULD HAVE BEEN GAMZEE. INSTEAD HE WRANGLED HIS HIGHBLOOD INTO LETTING HIM GO ALONE BY PULLING THE 'I WILL WORRY ABOUT YOU' CARD. DISGRACEFUL. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: at lea2t iit got u2 re2ult2. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (hey sollux. any good info from the black boxes?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: johnny!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: JOHNNY?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ONLINE? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: I Am Quite Surprised To See You Online Already. I Would Have Assumed Your Injuries Meant You Would Be Sleeping For At Least A Couple Nights. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (uh... what did you tell them, sollux?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: only that you 2howed up wiith a culliing fork iin you. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (oh.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YEAH. 'OH.' </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO REALIZE THAT YOUR IMBECILIC HIJINKS ARE GOING TO LEAD YOU TO A MESSY DEATH, YOU ABSOLUTE NOOKWHIFFING NITWIT? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: you could have died johnny </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: do you not have any idea how fucking worried everyone was </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: how worried i was when i came online and found out what happened </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: you didnt even private message me you asshole </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: i can admit it wwas amazingly bad judgement on our part </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (;⊡ Д ⊡)尸 </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i give!) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: HOW DARE YOU SURRENDER NOW BEFORE I EVEN GET TO IMPART UPON YOU HOW STUPID YOU ARE. TAKE THAT WHITE FLAG AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR WASTECHUTE, EGBERT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i know it was a stupid idea NOW. i did not realize they had explosives.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (so. many. missiles.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (but did we get anything out of it? or did i just get myself skewered over nothing?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: I Feel As If We Should Not Answer That Question As It May Simply Encourage Further Ill-Advised Heroics. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: YOU MEAN SUICIDE MISSIONS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: yeah call them what they are maryam </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: our moronic leader almost died </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: what good would intel do us if you werent here to benefit from it johnny </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: like what is even the point </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: ii am 2tiill 2hiiftiing through the data, but 2ome of iit look2 promii2iing. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: 2orry. ii couldn't 2tand hiim regrettiing iit when he ii2 currently healiing. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: wwell he also did a good job. wwe should be praisin him </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: That May Be Going A Bit Too Far. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (thanks sollux.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: no problem, JN. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: wwhat about me? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: do i not get any thanks for supporting you? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (⊡ ᴗ ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (thank you too, eridan.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE YOU. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THIS WHOLE ENDEAVOR WAS A SHITSHOW FROM START TO FINISH, BUT YOU STILL HAVE THE AUDACITY TO FISH FOR COMPLIMENTS AND ACCOLADES. IT'S LIKE YOU VALUE YOUR LIFE LESS THAN OUR APPROVAL. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i'm not that bad.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: OH REALLY? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Some Would Argue Otherwise. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU ARE ON HERE TO AVOID YOUR MOIRAIL AND HIS RIGHTEOUS FURY, ARE YOU? IT WOULD CERTAINLY BE A SHAME IF SOMEONE WERE TO PRIVATELY MESSAGE HIM. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: that is stone cold vantas </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: do it </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i am not afraid of my moirail.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: you might be the only one wwho is unperturbed by your moirail </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: yeah. 2orry JN, but he'2 pretty creepy. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (speaking of my moirail, he says i am off duty for the foreseeable future.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i am not allowed to help out the crew until he says i can. and i think i probably have to run stuff by him first.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: good </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: its about time we took away your responsibilities </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: especially when your version of helping ends up with you in mortal peril </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: you act like we live in a bad action film </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: all drama and explosions and no fear because we all know the main character will survive </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: but real life isnt like that at all </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: trolls die all the time and that can include you egderp </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO ADMIT, DAEVID IS RIGHT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THERE'S NO POINT ON RELYING ON YOUR LEADERSHIP WHEN YOUR RESPONSE TO DANGEROUS SITUATIONS IS TO TAKE EVERYTHING ON BY YOURSELF. I WOLD MUCH RATHER TAKE ON AN INCREASED WORKLOAD THAN END UP WITH YOU DEAD. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: It Is Heartening To See Gamzee Taking Such An Active Role In Your Moiraillegiance. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: yeah good for gamz </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="eridan">CA: i wwould havve nevver thought he had it in him </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: you 2hould have 2een what happened iin my hiive. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: talk about exhiibiitiionii2m </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (⊡ ////⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (please stop typing.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: OH? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I IMAGINE SINCE YOU ARE MENTIONING IT, IT WAS SIGNIFICANTLY WORSE THAN USUAL. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: This Discussion Is Highly Inappropriate. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: don't worry. ii don't plan on giiviing any 2peciifiic2. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: just becau2e GZ ii2 an exhiibiitiionii2t doe2 not mean JN iis. </span>
</p>
<p>Thank goodness. </p>
<p>After some good-natured teasing from your crew, you manage to haul yourself to the ablution chamber to use the load gaper. Then you stumble back to the coon to sleep some more. When you wake again, your moirail shoves food and water at you until you relent and eat something. He changes the bandages on your wounds and then puts you back to coon.</p>
<p>This trend continues for a few nights. You know trolls heal best with plenty of rest, but the only saving grace of this time of supreme boredom is the fact you are too tired to even argue much. When you voice a complaint, Gamzee simply scoops you up and dunks you into the slime again. While annoying, it is an extremely effective tactic to avoid fights. </p>
<p>Slowly, you begin to heal. You start spending more time awake and active. The crew still keeps you in the dark for most of their active plans, but they do update you with gossip. Nepeta talks you into roleplaying again. The psychics give you advice on how to practice your pathetic powers. Karkat sits through scores of movies so the two of you can comment (or ridicule) them in real time. Somehow, despite not seeing any of them in person, you feel more connected to the inclade than you have in a long time.</p>
<p>It is after nearly a perigee, your moirail finally agrees for you to start attending group functions again. Even though Karkat has taken over the management of the dueling club, you find yourself anxious without anything to do. The others assure you they have everything well in hand and urge you to continue to take it easy. </p>
<p>The evening of the first inclade meeting you are allowed to attend, Gamzee approaches you with a grim expression. Ill at ease, you eye the purple gloves he is carrying with suspicion. </p>
<p>"I want you to up and wear this," he shoves it at you.</p>
<p>"What? Why?" you frown vaguely at him.</p>
<p>"You're not that oblivious," he accuses you. When you continue to stare, he elaborates, "If you get up into trouble, yet again, having my color on you will make those motherfuckers think twice about what they do. Maybe long enough for you to get away, even."</p>
<p>"You want a visual declaration of being my moirail?" you wrinkle your nose. </p>
<p>"I want every troll to know they up and have to deal with a rage-addled highblood if they don't up and consider their choices carefully," he corrects. "It's not about me. It's all you, brother."</p>
<p>With a sigh, you hold out your hand. You might as well try it, just to make him happy. When you pull on the heavy hide gloves, you note they fit perfectly. Slightly disturbed your moirail at some point likely measured your hands, you wiggle your fingers. They are comfortable. </p>
<p>"Why gloves?" you ask.</p>
<p>"Your prongs are always getting up and torn up from all the work you do," notes Gamzee. "Especially with your strife specibus being a hammer. This way they're a little more protected, just like you."</p>
<p>You smile, "Fair enough. We ready to go, then?" </p>
<p>"Yeah," he takes your hand. "Let's go see our crew."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Edict</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It is on the second meeting since your drone hunt that it happens. </p>
<p>The crew had decided to initiate all-for-one group strifes as part of a more realistic battle simulation. After much wheedling and begging, you were allowed onto the field. The first round had involved robots build by Equius, but for the second the vote was for close-range weapons only. Your greaves were your weapon of choice, even though they required more moving. With a ball of dread growing in your stomach, you glance towards Karkat just in time to see it happen. </p>
<p>The hit comes out of nowhere, and this time it is not just a split lip. Bright crimson blood goes flying through the air from the slash. Your eyes widen. Fucking Hell!</p>
<p>You retcon. You do not even think about it. One second you are on the other side of the room watching and the next you are between Karkat and the others. Zillyhoo is in your hands. Your chest is practically thrumming with the intensity of your subvocal growls. </p>
<p>"What the fuck?" exclaims someone. </p>
<p>"That's... not even on the hemospectrum," notes Jadite with some confusion. </p>
<p>Terezi stares down at the blood on her cane sword, even though she cannot see it. Then she is, predictably, disgusting. She licks a bit off her blade. Behind you, Karkat makes a soft noise like a squeaky toy that got crushed. </p>
<p>"Cherries," she says to herself. "I thought he smelled like them."</p>
<p>"A blood mutation is most improper," grumbles Equius.</p>
<p>You snap, "Alright, listen up! Yes, Karkat has mutant blood. No, none of you are going to cull him. No one is going to even mention it. In fact, we are going to keep a lid on this situation so well that even mindreaders will not be able to dig it out of the recesses of our thinkpans."</p>
<p>"You think you can talk for all of us?" snarls Eridan.</p>
<p>"Yes, I can and I am," you assert yourself by ratcheting down the growling another octave. </p>
<p>"You are only our leader because we allow it," Equius frowns down at you. </p>
<p>You bare your fangs at him, "Oh yeah? So what? You going to cull me too, Equius? Then what? Are you going to murder Nepeta's flushcrush in front of her? I can see what a swell moirail you are, resorting to blatant hemocastism in a group where we already are supporting treason."</p>
<p>"Settle down, both of you!" demands Kanaya as she steps forward. "No one is culling anyone!"</p>
<p>"Says you!" Eridan pulls out his stupid fucking laser rifle.</p>
<p>You shift your stance forward, ready to lunge, "If you want him, you go through me. And I do mean that fucking literally, Ampora."</p>
<p>A sudden presence by your side startles you, but before you have time to react a juggling club is being thrown. It zooms just shy of the seadweller's left horn and cracks against the far wall so hard it shatters. Everyone is frozen in place. That is a pissed off purpleblood looming with the facepaint of a Subjuggalator. Your instincts tell you someone is probably going to die.</p>
<p>Gamzee rumbles deeply, "I believe my motherfucking invertebro was as clear as frozen water. If you want to bring the hurt on, best be prepared to be receiving some yourself, brinesucker."</p>
<p>"Translation being, if you attempt to harm our cofriendleaders, we will pulverize you," Rosean firmly walks over to stand by your other side. Her knitting needles are still in her hands. </p>
<p>Immediately the oliveblood moirail steps in and begins to murmur pleadingly to the indigoblood hulk. Feferi stands in front of Eridan with her fins spread out and a glower on her face. He frowns harshly, not lowering his weapon but not firing either. At the moment you will take that. Eventually Jadite and Daevid also join your side, along with Aradia and her goldblood boyfriend.</p>
<p>"Don't you even glubbing think about it," scolds the tyrianblood. "We are all here to be a part of something bigger. I do not condone the culling of any troll based on anything except their actions."</p>
<p>Vriska tosses her hair over her shoulder, "Look. If I was welcomed back into the group, we might as well accept Karkat's freaky blood. I mean, he is Johnny's palhoncho or whatever and thus is an integral part to this crew. We have enough people to fight without taking on each other."</p>
<p>"I never thought I'd see the night that Spiderbitch became the voice of reason for this inclade," mutters your best bro.</p>
<p>The tense standoff finally ends as Eridan stows away his weapon reluctantly. </p>
<p>"Wwe're in ovver our heads," he says.</p>
<p>"You're a seadweller," you snark. "You should be used to it."</p>
<p>"Oooooh, burn!" announces Sollux gleefully. </p>
<p>"Okay, if we are all calm now, can we maybe discuss how this affects our plans?" questions Tavros. "I mean, this is going to make Ascension even more dangerous, if that is a thing that is possible."</p>
<p>With a low sigh of relief, you captchalogue your weapon. You glance behind you and see the starstruck expression on Karkat's face. Well, alright then. You forget his self-esteem issues are so prominent. As if you would do anything else but defend him. Maybe it is more the fact that this time the rest of the inclade also chose him over the hemospectrum dogma. </p>
<p>"Honestly I do not see how it makes any difference," Kanaya crosses her arms. "Either Feferi succeeds in her revolution, or we are all culled for being supporters."</p>
<p>"There might be a few more trolls trying to cull our friendleader, though," muses Rosean. "Empirical law states that mutants of any kind not considered beneficial be culled."</p>
<p>"I do declare that while the law may not be on Karkat's side, there is something even bigger that is," grins Terezi where she still stands in the middle. "Have any of you ever heard of the Sufferer?"</p>
<p>"Oh, I have!" Aradia exclaims loudly. "It is quite the tale! I am surprised you know of it, though. It is something from way back when adults were still common on Alternia. Before the Summoner's rebellion, even."</p>
<p>"A Legislacerator has her ways," the tealblood smirks. "Anyway, for those of you who do not know, there once was a troll with bright candy red blood called the Signless. He was a pariah who preached about demolishing the boundaries of the hemospectrum caste system. He was, of course, summarily executed in the most horrible fashion the Empress could conceive. Red hot irons that gave him his second title as the Sufferer. Actually, if I recall correctly, you wear his sign, Karkat."</p>
<p>"What." His expression is bland. You are starting to worry that he might be in shock.</p>
<p>"That is the quick summary of events, yes," agrees Aradia. "And he is indeed wearing the gray symbol of the Signless. I can't believe I never thought that he might literally be a descendant!" </p>
<p>"Wait, wait, wait!" frowns the nubby-horned troll. "I don't even believe in all that ancestor hoofbeastshit. It is just a bunch of crap that highbloods came up with to feel more special about someone sharing the same symbol as them."</p>
<p>"Actually..." you wince, knowing that the truth is a lot more complicated, "I think Vriska and Eridan both have hard proof that trolls sharing their signs are likely their ancestors."</p>
<p>"Yeah!" the blueblood immediately perks at being the center of the conversation. "I found my Fluorite Octet in a chest with my symbol on it, along with a diary of Spinneret Mindfang. It could be coincidence that she had the same rare psychic powers that I do, but I think the chances of that are preeeeeeeetty miniscule."</p>
<p>"Your Flarp persona is based on your ancestor?" questions Rosean.</p>
<p>"Mine is too!" Terezi admits. "She even had a dragon lusus like I will someday named Pyralspite." </p>
<p>"I think we are getting off subject here," intervenes Nepeta. "What is the purrpose of all this ancestor talk? We need to focus on how we are going to keep Karkitty safe until Ascension!"</p>
<p>"I would altho like to know thinthe when could Johnny teleport," points out Sollux. Well, shit. You had been rather hoping no one would blatantly call attention to that. It involves way more explanation than you can actually give without sounding insane. </p>
<p>"That was rather unexpected," agrees Kanaya. "It could also prove quite beneficial to our group as a whole."</p>
<p>"That was not burgundyblood power," Aradia hums thoughtfully. "If I had to guess, it might actually have to do with the reason that you are so terrible at your telekinesis. Your thinkpan is busy managing other abilities... that I've not heard of before, now that I think of it."</p>
<p>"How long have you been able to do that thing?" frowns Daevid.</p>
<p>You grimace, "Since... always."</p>
<p>There is a moment of silence. Everyone simply stares at you. It turns into at least a full minute of stunned quiet. This could be problematic. You do not think you have enough shock snuggle planes for all of them. </p>
<p>Karkat inhales deeply through his nose, "Johnny. As the troll whose life you probably literally just saved, I have to inform you that you are in fact an idiot. Your thinkpan has not functioned properly in the entire time I have known you, but you have just confirmed that it is entirely dead. How the fuck do you think keeping a completely new form of psychic powers secret from your inclade is a good idea?"</p>
<p>"Says the one keeping his blood color completely classified," grumbles Jadite.</p>
<p>"My blood color could get you all carpetbombed from orbit," he snaps. "Johnny's freaky blue lightshow is actually useful."</p>
<p>"Is there a limit on distance traveled?" questions Rosean thoughtfully.</p>
<p>You shake your head, "No. I just... think it and it happens. Usually."</p>
<p>"This is how you always manage to get everywhere so fast," realizes Terezi. "I knew that the time you spent traveling did not match the distances measured."</p>
<p>"So, is there, um, a reason you did not tell us?" Tavros asks.</p>
<p>You shrug, "I mean, how am I supposed to explain something I don't even understand? Also I thought there would be more freaking out than this."</p>
<p>"We have perhaps had one too many impossible things tonight," proposes Equius. "I reserve the right to freak out about this in due time."</p>
<p>"If you can be literally anywhere, ith that how you get your info?" Sollux says. "I mean, it maketh more thenthe than you knowing Imperial thecretth."</p>
<p>"Sort of," you hedge. "It's complicated."</p>
<p>"What kind of complicated?" asks Feferi.</p>
<p>There is a bright blue flash in your peripheral vision. You double facepalm, "That kind of complicated."</p>
<p>"Hey, it was your idea," future-you says. "Well, our idea. Semantics. Whatever."</p>
<p>There is another long minute of silence. Okay. The stunned reaction is not ideal. Well, it could be worse. It can always be worse. You take a deep breath and look up. No one has moved yet.</p>
<p>"So... through time too?" Aradia tilts her head. "Hmm, that... is quite a boon. I mean, I get most of my information from the past from ghosts, but you could literally travel there at get firsthand experience."</p>
<p>"What about traveling to the future?" Daevid suggests. "You could find out what plans are being made and then report them back to us. We could always be one step ahead of the Empire. Unless, maybe, you are already sort of doing that?"</p>
<p>"I mostly just use it to be in two places at once," you admit. "I mean, how else am I going to keep up with everything?"</p>
<p>Gamzee starts petting your future-self's hair, while muttering, "Didn't see no mind to tell your diamond. You are traveling in dangerous circles on thin rope and not a net to be found. HONK!"</p>
<p>"<i>Gamz</i>," both of you hiss at once. Then your other self swats his big hands away. There is a time and place for physical reassurance and in the middle of a heavy discussion with your whole inclade is NOT it. </p>
<p>He bleats another honk in distress, and you crack, "Fuck! Fine! You, me, another block. Right now." You grab his wrist and begin leading him away from the arena. </p>
<p>"Wait, what?" Daevid seems shocked.</p>
<p>"You're leaving?" asks Kanaya.</p>
<p>"He is me," you point over your shoulder at future-you. "Talk to him. I'm currently unavailable." Then you give up on walking and just zap to another room. With Gamzee. Whoops, you probably should have warned him first.</p>
<p>He stumbles, "Motherfuck!" He blinks a few times and looks around, "So. This is how you travel. Bright light and then you are someplace new. Did time even move?"</p>
<p>"No," you say, already rifling through your sylladex for items to make a temporary pile. "Well, depends. Sometimes it does when I'm going backwards or forwards. When just zapping to a different location, though, it is instantaneous. At least it appears to be so when I check any sort of time telling device before and after the retcon."</p>
<p>"Retcon? Is that what you're up and calling this?" he asks as you finish ejecting enough junk to make a decent pile. </p>
<p>You start pushing items and rearranging things, "Um. Sort of? I'm not sure who originally coined the term. I use it for both the act of teleporting and or time travel, as well as the things I do that alter the timeline."</p>
<p>"Alter the... you mean you up and change events from what would have happened to something different?" he finally realizes what you are doing and simply picks you up and flops over onto the half-made pile with you. "Brother, you're a dangerous event making. What happens to the you in that time you change? Does he even know you are there? If you change things enough, does he up and stop existing?"</p>
<p>"Okay, you are getting way too philosophical," you pap his face a few times. "Shoosh. It is not that complicated. At least, not with me being in charge. I can't even keep up with all your questions, let alone making too much a mess out of the timeline. I mostly do things that I know I already have to do because future-me is around. For example, after we are done here I will have to zap back in time to be the Johnny whose hair you were petting and explain all this to the crew."</p>
<p>"How the first you know to go back in time, though?" frowns Gamzee. </p>
<p>"Well, because I obviously thought that was the best way to explain retcons," you shrug. </p>
<p>"What about other times?" he asks. "Tell me about the other times you used this. What happened that was so awful that you decided to change it?"</p>
<p>You pause for a moment, "Um... oh! There was that time during the revenge cycle that Vriska mindcontrolled Tavros into jumping off a cliff. I had to zap over to catch him with my telekinesis because my future self booted me out of the hive."</p>
<p>"Alright, so what happened in the version where you didn't go catch him?"</p>
<p>This takes you aback for a moment, "Uh... fuck. I... don't really know. I mean, I sort of vaguely knew Tavros at one point as a guy who was crippled, but I had never met him in that timeline. That was way before you. All of you. Shit, that doesn't make any sense, I know. Anyway, I'm not entirely sure what happened in that version... at least, that is what I should say because I was not around for it and I didn't let it happen."</p>
<p>"But?" he prompts.</p>
<p>"But I do, sort of," you wince. "He falls to the bottom of the cliff and loses function of his legs. In retaliation Aradia sic's ghosts on Vriska. Then Vriska mindcontrols Sollux into blowing her up. Then Terezi tries to take control of the situation by having Equius make some sort of bomb to blow Vriska up, which only sort of works. Wounded Vriska then mindcontrols Tavros to mindcontrol Pyralspite to make Terezi walk out into the forest and look up at the sun. Which... happened anyway, now that I think about it."</p>
<p>"And how do you know this?" asks your moirail.</p>
<p>All at once, you are very tired, "I don't know. I don't know how I know half the things I do, but I know them just the same. Sometimes I think I see them in my daymares. Trying to fix the same problem over and over and over again until I finally get a result where no one dies or is horribly maimed. Like echoes of futures and pasts from timelines that never happened."</p>
<p>Long gangly limbs pull you closer. Gamzee tucks you up under his chin and hums. Fingerpads gently massage your temples (claws oh so carefully pointed away), soothing your panache. Slowly the tension begins to leave your body and you melt into a puddle of goo. You thought you were the conciliator of this relationship. He has no right to be this good at this. </p>
<p>He breaks the silence with, "You used those powers for me as well, didn't you? That's how you were always up and there whenever I needed you most. Even if I didn't want you there." </p>
<p>You nod, exhausted, "Yeah. I will always be there for you."</p>
<p>His grip momentarily tightens around you before relaxing again, "My fine invertebro, I know you will. Just like I will always be right here for you." His ministrations on your scalp slow, "You know, this makes more sense."</p>
<p>"Hmm?" you crack one eye open, not even realizing when you had closed them.</p>
<p>"There were times I thought you up and had a hole in your pan," admits Gamzee. "It felt like our time together wasn't forward and linear always. Once when you appeared in my hive the recognition and fondness in your eyes was gone. Sometimes you would forget conversations we literally just had. Now I realize for you things might not have happened all in the same order."</p>
<p>"Ah, sorry about that," you reflexively apologize. "I do try to keep things fairly linear for everyone involved, but it doesn't always work out that way. My control of the retcons is... finicky."</p>
<p>He hums thoughtfully. </p>
<p>For a little while, the two of you simply exist. There is no need to lie or sneak around when you have an alternate self around explaining things. It is nice to have some of your secrets revealed. Eventually, though, you have to go face them all again.</p>
<p>With a sigh, you heave yourself to your feet, "Alright. I guess I'd better zap back now and go explain things to the rest of the crew. You'll be alright up here?"</p>
<p>"You go and get your gab on," Gamzee waves you off. "I will come down now and see you soon."</p>
<p>Relieved, you grin and then zap back to the crowded block downstairs. </p>
<p>The other you facepalms at your appearance, "That kind of complicated."</p>
<p>"Hey, it was your idea," you defend. Then you realize he is actually you, just a mere thirty minutes in the past. "Well, our idea. Semantics. Whatever."</p>
<p>You wait until your other self is disappearing with your moirail for you to grin and announce, "Alright! I am here to answer any questions, but do be prepared for a lot of answers to simply be variations of 'I don't have a freaking clue.' Who's first?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Exodus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The explanations go a lot better than you expected.</p>
<p>You are not sure if it is because they trust you or if they simply cannot imagine you are intelligent enough to come up with such a convoluted story on your own. There is definitely a lot of confusion, especially over where exactly you know all of these things. You try to leave out too much information about The Game and instead focus on the relevant parts: a crew of aliens and trolls that tore itself apart trying to face an impossible enemy, the severe losses suffered, and you ending up all alone.</p>
<p>Perhaps detecting your morbid thoughts, they focus their inquiries on the extent of your powers. How many of you can be in one place at one time? How far can you travel in terms of time and distance? Is there a limit to any of these parameters? Terezi grows frustrated with you as you admit you have no idea, but there do not appear to be any constraints. </p>
<p>Then come questions about your time using these powers. Did you use them on the crew? If so, why? Could you explain what you meant by 'Vriska's ultimate bitch moves nearly killed Aradia'? Haltingly, you tell of how you retconned to prevent the revenge cycle from spiraling out of control and accepted your punishment in involving yourself. With Gamzee leaning over you, resting his pointy chin on the top of your head, you explain how you retconned over and over to take care of him.</p>
<p>Nepeta thinks it is romantic. Karkat feels uncertain if you are taking advantage of your moirail by setting unrealistic standards. No one can possibly be there every single time they are needed. You shrug and tell him the beauty of being in so many places at once is you are almost always exactly where you are needed. He realizes the moment you are talking about and clams up while Daevid flushes dark blue.</p>
<p>In the end, you all spend the entire day talking and planning. There is simply so much you have to discuss. Finally, you beg off further arguments by stating you are too tired to continue. The crew reluctantly agrees to part ways, planning another meeting in a couple nights after everyone has time to rest and mull over current events. </p>
<p>Instead of walking home with your moirail, you zap over to your own hive. It is interesting traveling like that with people watching you. You are not sure if you like it. Still, your recuperacoon is singing a sweet siren song of sleep. With a hum, you settle down for the morning.</p>
<p>The incessant ping of your portable communication device is driving you nuts. It is the middle of the day! Usually only you and Karkat are awake at this hour, and he never inundates your inbox with this many messages. (At least, not when you have yet to respond.) With a growl, you finally haul yourself out of your recuperacoon enough to eject the thing out of your sylladex. </p>
<p>
  <span class="john">GT: (okay, why is my palmhusk going off every two seconds? i was actually trying to sleep for once.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (who's dying?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHO THE HEINOUS FUCK IS THIS? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="equius">CT: D --&gt; That is a downright 100di% font coloration and you will cease using it at once. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: W8. Is that... Johnny? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: OH MY GOD, IT IS. GHOSTYTRICKSTER WAS HIS FIRST HANDLE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, JOHNNY? DO YOU *WANT* TO BE CULLED? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I MEAN- JOHN. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">GA: Unfortunately I Will Have To Agree With Equius On This Point. That Coloration Is Likely To Get You Into Trouble With Certain Parties. Parties That May Or May Not Have Access To This Memo Board. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: ii kiind of liike it. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: iT IS, mAYBE, gOING TO GET YOU KILLED,,, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: Please Ignore Sollux, As His Fashion And Etiquette Choices Are Abysmal. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHY ARE YOU EVEN USING DAEVID'S TEXT COLOR? YOU ARE THE SAME BLUE WINDY ASSHOLE AS BEFORE, RIGHT? THERE IS LITERALLY NO REASON TO TEMPT FATE BY USING THAT PARTICULAR HUE OF BLASPHEMOUS RED. NEVERMIND THE FACT THAT AS A SQUISHY HUMAN YOU ARE LITERALLY ONLY WORTH WHATEVER BOUNTY THE LOCAL LAW ENFORCEMENT WANTS TO PAY FOR WANDERING ALIENS. </span>
</p>
<p>You squint at the tiny screen, trying to figure out if they are being humorous. This is the worst practical joke ever. You are too grumpy and sleep-deprived to play along right now. Ugh. With a throb, your thinkpan reminds you that it is still trying to claw its way out of your skull. </p>
<p>
  <span class="john">GT: (i'm not a human, though. not anymore, at least.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i'm a troll.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="equius">CT: D --&gt; Are you certain? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: oh thii2 ii2 rich. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: This Is A Sudden And Unexpected Development. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="equius">CT: D --&gt; If you are attempting to f001 us I will be most displeased. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="tavros">AT: tHAT IS, MAYBE, A VERY GOOD THING THOUGH, sINCE MOST TROLLS ARE NOT AS NICE AS US, aND MAY HAVE TRIED TO KILL YOU IF YOU WERE HUMAN, </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: STILL. YOU'RE PROBABLY A BLUEBLOOD LIKE SERKET OR ZAHHAK, SO JUST GO WITH YOUR USUAL BRIGHT BLUE AND YOU WILL BE FINE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Yeah! No need to use that awful fake hero color. We all know 8lue8loods are where it's at! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (um. i'm a burgundyblood, so reds are it for me.)</span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: WHAT. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="sollux">TA: huh. that'2 weiird. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="equius">CT: D --&gt; So the previous leader of the humans went from a blueb100d to a rustb100d? Oh dear. I think I need a towel. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: THAT LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE. UNLESS THE GAME IS ATTEMPTING TO SHOEHORN YOU INTO THE HEMOCASTE CLOSEST TO YOUR ORIGINAL BLOOD COLOR AS A HUMAN. WHICH, LET'S FACE IT, COULD HAVE GOTTEN YOU WHERE I AM ON THE SPECTRUM OF UP SHIT CREEK WITHOUT A ROWING DEVICE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: That seems like a weakslime excuse. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (actually, i am the only rustblood.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: That Makes No Sense At All, As I Would Have Assumed Your Primary Associated Color Would Be The Deciding Factor In Your Hemocaste. What Are The Other Three Then? </span>
</p>
<p>You blink a few times. Had you even told them about that part of your past? Everything is so fuzzy and trolls are freaking out left and right. You try to calm Equius as he worries about Nepeta, keep Rosean from stabbing herself for some inane reason, and chide Vriska for picking on Karkat. To show your unhappiness, you even include a frowning emoticon. What on Alternia is going on, though? Why are they all acting like they have returned after a long journey instead of just having seen you yesternight? </p>
<p>You realize what has happened and it feels like a punch to the gut. </p>
<p>They are gone. They are all gone. The trolls you have spent the last five or six sweeps with are gone, replaced with versions that do not remember all the trials and tribulations you have gone through. Replaced by the very people that you had been so upset at losing when you first hatched out of your cocoon as a tiny confused pupa. The irony is not lost on you, but you are having a hard time breathing as it is at the moment.</p>
<p>It is just not fair. Why did they come back <i>now</i>, after all this time? Why did they have to come back when everyone was finally happy? Why did they have to come back when <i>you</i> were finally happy? You had just gotten to the point where you were actually enjoying life instead of just going along with the flow and hoping that somenight things would get better. All the others were really- Oh. Oh no.</p>
<p><i>Gamzee</i>.</p>
<p>That is the straw that breaks the camel's back, and your start bawling your eyes out. You cannot even remember the last time you cried. You think it was when you were a human. Possibly. Maybe you have never cried like this before. Not even the death of your own father had made you sob. Instead you had simply felt empty inside.</p>
<p>The thought that he no longer is you moirail- that he no longer is the same <i>person</i>- sends you into a disastrous spiral. All the way past your normal numbness and straight into hysterics. It is as if a dam broke. A dam broke and the only thing behind it is wild screaming laughter and rust-tinged tears. You are roaring your anguish out into an empty hive. </p>
<p>By the time you can breathe enough to focus on the screen again, you spot Vriska saying something horrible to Karkat and you just snap. Just like that. You are almost certain she must have felt the rage coming from your side of the screen, because for once she actually apologized. Still the anger does not dissipate. What happened on those three years on the meteor? How could she talk to her leader like that? </p>
<p>You are not used to having emotions like this. Everything is raw and painful and just too fucking much. Part of you feels physically ill. On impulse, you get up and begin pacing to burn some energy. It does not help. You scream and throw things and rip down posters. None of those help either. Nothing helps. </p>
<p>Standing in your ruined respiteblock, you pant drunkenly and glare at the floor. This is not you. You are supposed to be the happy-go-lucky doofus of the group. The one that the others can count on to buoyantly lead the way by example. Even if the powers left you, you are the Heir of Breath. This is not you at all. </p>
<p>You take a shuddering breath and steady yourself in an aspect that is no longer yours. Fine. If this is how The Game wants to play, then this is how it will go. But you do not have to like it. If it is going to take away your moirail and replace him with a version that possibly worked for Lord English, then you are going to do everything in your power to keep each and every one of these assholes alive and happy. Even if it kills you. Especially if it kills you.</p>
<p>The raw rage does not vanish, but you seem to be able to put a lid on it for the moment. It simmers and bubbles in an undercurrent, but you are too busy to deal with it right now. Action is more important. Unfortunately, the only action at the moment is to return to your husktop and see what trouble the others are causing. </p>
<p>What. Vriska and Terezi are moirails? <i>Moirails</i>? What kind of fucked up universe was their session even in? You just. Huh. Okay then, you guess you are the only one weirded out by their relationship. Daevid- no, Dave. (Fuck! Daevid is gone.) DAVE is whining about being gay. Oh woe is him stuff. You honestly could not care less. Sexuality kind of went out the window ages ago. </p>
<p>The topic of quadrants keeps cropping back up, as if there is nothing else important going on right now. Of course, you are not exactly in the right headspace to be discussing relationships at the moment. You just lost your only significant relationship via The Game giving you one last middle finger. </p>
<p>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; it sounds like the consensus thus far is pro quadrants </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: What Are Your Thoughts, Johnny? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: HE PROBABLY IS STILL LOCKED IN ON HIS ASSERTION THAT ROMANCE IS DUMB AND NOT SOMETHING THAT WE HAVE TIME FOR, REGARDLESS OF THE FACT THAT WE DID JUST BEAT THE GAME AND HAVE NOTHING BUT TIME ON OUR HANDS. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (romance isn't just dumb- it's dead.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; yikes!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: thats a little dramatic bro </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: I WILL END YOU. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="vriska">AG: Sheesh! Who dumped you to make you so 8itter, Johnny? </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: SERIOUSLY, JOHNNY. YOU CAN'T JUST SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT AND EXPECT ME TO TAKE SUCH A CHALLENGE LYING DOWN. YOU WERE INTERESTED IN BOTH TEREZI AND DAEVID'S FEMALE ANCESTOR'S YOUNG VERSION TOWARD THE END OF THE GAME. YOU CANNOT KEEP PRETENDING TO BE COMPLETELY AMBIVALENT ABOUT DATING SOMEONE. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (funnily enough, i've never been dumped in any universe or doomed timeline.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (probably because no one wants to date the fool too stupid to catch a hint.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (and even if they did, i'd likely ruin it because i'm the idiot of the group, remember?) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (herp fucking derp.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (;⊡ Д ⊡) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="kanaya">GA: !!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: jesus christ egbert are you okay right now </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="dave">TG: i mean obviously not but you get the idea </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="karkat">CG: HOLY FUCK. </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="jade">GG: &gt;&gt; no one ever said you were an idiot!! </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (just forget it.) </span>
  <br/>
  <span class="john">GT: (i'm going offline.) </span>
</p>
<p>You log off and proceed to scream out your frustration. This is possibly the worst thing The Game has ever done to you. You would be mad that a future version of yourself did not appear to warn you before this happened, but now that you are here you understand. It is better not to have ruined what little time you had left with your friends by worrying about something you cannot change. Although retcon powers do make things more complicated.</p>
<p>You <i>could</i> go back and see them, one last time. To properly say goodbye to them before they vanish. It would likely just confuse all of them, but maybe for you it could provide some closure. Or at least make this ravenous emptiness inside you lessen a little. Then again, maybe seeing them would simply feed the beast. Fuck. You are not sure what the right answer is here.</p>
<p>For the next ten nights, you agonize over what is right. You avoid certain topics online and refuse to speak to Karkat (and by extension, Dave). You know he will only try and make you talk about relationships, which can only end in another temper tantrum. Until Jade lets it slip that Gamzee has not been seen. Not even at the mandatory group meeting (that you yourself did not attend). </p>
<p>When you zap over, you are not quite sure what you expected. </p>
<p>A stranger who looks exactly like your moirail was pretty low on the list, though. It really should not have been, but you are at your heart an optimist. He tells you to your face that the two of you are strangers. It takes a moment for you to slide your cheerful façade back into place. Then he informs you he was in a meal vault for the majority of the end of The Game. </p>
<p>You do not even know how to feel about that. There is rage, sure, but it is more for how callous the others were in dealing with the situation. Gamzee had been influenced, maybe even possessed, by the spirit of Lord English! How could they ignore this? Did they not know or just not care? However, it quickly becomes apparent Gamzee does not want you to get involved. Your rage deflates, and you flee with your tail tucked between your legs.</p>
<p>After that disastrous meeting with the person wearing your moirail's face, you finally break. You do not care if it is unhealthy or just plain wrong, you need to see him. With that primal urge thrumming through your veins, you retcon. The password you use is <b>PURPL3 D14MONDS</b>. It takes you directly to his recreationblock in the middle of the day.</p>
<p>Wow, the sun sure is high in the sky. Shit, he is probably asleep right now. Frowning, you turn from the windows to the room and find a tall figure standing stock still in the doorway. Your bloodpusher stutters. There he is, without a drop of facepaint to be seen and a glass of water in one hand. </p>
<p>"Hey," you weakly greet him.</p>
<p>He takes one look at your broken posture and his bleary expression softens, "Oh. Hey, bro. You... wanna talk about it?"</p>
<p>You shake your head. You are not even sure how you would explain what is wrong. In fact, you are not sure you can even find your voice long enough to explain what it is you are doing at his hive at an ungodly hour during the day. </p>
<p>"Bro cuddles?" he offers. </p>
<p>The span of his open arms is like a flame drawing you in closer. Once you are within range, he sweeps you up and you cling to him shamelessly. Oh, you had almost forgotten his smell. A fresh wave of nostalgia pulses through you. Shit, this was a bad idea.</p>
<p>When he starts walking, you cannot even find it in you to care where the two of you are going. All that matters right now is that he is here. You are here. It felt like a part of you was missing, the entire time the new (original) crew has been here. For all you care, the world could end right now. You do make a small noise when the cold slime splashes on you.</p>
<p>"I know you don't sleep much, but I'm gonna need a bit more shuteye," he explains. </p>
<p>Then he sighs. You tuck your head under his chin and just... exist. No worries about trying to keep your friends alive. No avoiding accidentally revealing secrets. No responsibilities. Just a boy from the future and his Subjuggulator moirail. Even though you are not tired at all and his recuperacoon is set for a purpleblooded metabolism. You know what? Even without sleep- worth it. </p>
<p>He surprises you by still being awake himself, "Something keeping you up?"</p>
<p>"I shouldn't have-" you cut yourself off with a firm shake of your head. "Never mind. I just... maybe made things harder for myself, is all."</p>
<p>He shrugs, "I don't mind your daytime visits for some snuggles, even if you are up and nonlinear again."</p>
<p>For a moment, you simply stare. Then it clicks, "I've... I've done this before? From your perspective, I mean."</p>
<p>"Oh," he seems genuinely surprised. "This must be your first time, then. Yeah, bro. Every now and again you show up here. I figured something in the future has hurt you pretty bad, but you never want to talk about it. But I've been thinking...</p>
<p>"What happened to me in the future?" asks Gamzee and your stomach drops. "I mean, if I was around in the future you would go to him, right? Unless... did we break up?"</p>
<p>"It's not... that simple," you wince even as the words leave your mouth. "Shut up, Gamz. It's not like that. I'd never break up with you."</p>
<p>"Am I somewhere you can't go?" he tries again.</p>
<p>"Something like that," you concede. Ceasing to exist is technically somewhere you cannot follow. </p>
<p>He gives a thoughtful hum, then falls silent. Glancing over at his husktop, you confirm the date. It is with a heavy heart that you realize it is the day prior to you waking up to everyone being replaced by their previous versions. In a few hours, your precious diamond will be taken away from you again. You cannot live through that pain again.</p>
<p>As soon as he is asleep, you zap to the respiteblock he made for you. The Gamzee that will shortly replace your beloved moirail is not the same person; he never dated you or even wants to date you. Your course of action is clear. There can be no evidence. </p>
<p>The pile, the spare recuperacoon, the magic chest, the movie posters- it all gets packed away into your sylladex. When you zap home, you carefully take the cards and place them in the safe in the study. Past you will not look there. As you go to close the door, though, you pause. For a brief moment, you simply stare at the remains of your past happiness. You know that it will never be the same.</p>
<p>Yet, there is one small consolation prize. </p>
<p>Gamzee had mentioned you had visited him before. That means the next time you are feeling low, you can have a brief respite. It is probably not the best idea for your tenuous sanity or ability to move on, but closure does not interest you at the moment. Nothing interests you besides the fact that you can go back again. Your peace of mind is somehow very complicated to obtain.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Emend</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You go through the motions of life with the new crew, but you really only live for those secretive visits to the past to see your moirail. </p>
<p>It is strange, this new normal. You still follow through with plans your old crew had pieced together over long days and cobbled together information, but there is no one to report to anymore. You collect black boxes from drones and store them in your sylladex. You retcon to different places to obtain intel. You even try your hand at patching some of Sollux's coding he was in the middle of working on. </p>
<p>Nothing helps. </p>
<p>You can barely stand to look at the group chats. These happy fools are not your real inclade. Their joyous and naive exclamations of victory make you physically ill. So you hole up in your respite block and avoid talking to any of them. Even the ghosts stop bothering you when you become entirely unbearable to be around.</p>
<p>Then one night while you are snarling at Caliborn online, someone walks right into your room. You blink, not even sure how you missed Daevid- no, Dave! Dammit, it is always going to be Dave now!- and Karkat entering your hive. Still, you plaster on a smile and attempt a sad facsimile of the human you used to be. </p>
<p>Of course they notice. Then they talk behind your back. You know what they are thinking. You are broken and unstable. You need a helping hand. However, even if it is true, you do not want them. When the two interlopers are downstairs, you realize who it is you <i>do</i> want. </p>
<p>Without considering the consequences, you zap to him.</p>
<p>"Johnny?" your moirail squints blearily at you with a fangbrush hanging from his mouth.</p>
<p>"Yeah, it's me," you admit. "Can I...?"</p>
<p>"Sure thing, invertebro," he shrugs. "Let me finish getting ready for the coon and we can get our cuddle on."</p>
<p>You wait impatiently for him to return. At first you pace, but then you realize you are getting yourself worked up for no reason. Then you shuffle through your sylladex to find the gloves he gave you and put them on. Finally you manage to lower yourself in the slime until he returns.</p>
<p>Immediately he sinks down into the recuperacoon and tucks you close to his chest. Snuggling down into his embrace, you sigh. This is exactly what you have been missing. </p>
<p>You decide to tell him so, "I know I need to stop doing this, but I miss you. I miss you so much, Gamz, and no one understands. They don't even know, not really. They just keep trying to stage interventions and boss me around or coddle me, but you'd think they could get it through their thick pans I don't want any of them. I don't even want to get to know them, because what is even the point anymore? It's not like they're-"</p>
<p>"You should up and give them a chance," Gamzee interrupts your rambling. When you gape, he continues, "Johnny, you can't keep doing this. At some point you are going to run out of days between us becoming moirails and whatever horrible thing it is you are avoiding. I know you don't want to talk about it, and that's okay. But you're going to have to find a new way to cope."</p>
<p>This is the single most coherent argument your moirail has ever made, and you feel completely blindsided. </p>
<p>You know he is right, though. That is what makes the utter sense of betrayal sting the most. Logically everything Gamzee has said is the truth. There is an uncomfortable churning in your gut as you consider having to eventually leave behind your moirail permanently. You cannot even fathom a world without him, even now. </p>
<p>"Promise me you'll give them a shot," he presses. "Stay here today, but in the evening... give these new people a chance, okay?" </p>
<p>You shudder and close your eyes, "O-okay. Sure. I can try to do that."</p>
<p>He hums happily and nuzzles the top of your head. And that is that. There is no further conversation. Eventually, you do fall asleep. As always with your moirail, it is much more restful than any of the times you attempted sleeping by yourself. </p>
<p>When you wake, you give your moirail a kiss on his forehead before you zap out. You refuse to believe it will be the last time you see him. But he is right in that the number of times you can do this is finite. Where your retcon powers spit you out is a random hive.</p>
<p>Knowing how this goes, you sigh and glance around to see which of your friends needs an intervention this time. However, you quickly realize there is no eminent fight or threat. Instead, there are windows facing the water where you can see someone in a small boat rowing away. You are still standing by the window when your human sister enters the room.</p>
<p>"Everyone is looking for you, you know," she lightly scolds.</p>
<p>"Yeah," you shrug. </p>
<p>She sighs, "So why don't you just talk to them?"</p>
<p>"Because they aren't even the same people I remember," you rub your eyes, wondering why you have to keep having the same conversation over and over with everyone.</p>
<p>"What about me, then?" she asks.</p>
<p>"You're different," you scoff. Seeing her expression, you continue, "I mean, you and I already have this whole thing down. I'm not the John you lost. You're not the Jade I've lost, either. We each are going into this thing knowing that we have had different experiences than the person we remember, and we don't expect each other to replace them. We are- I mean- I am just happy to have <i>a</i> Jade back, regardless of the fact you can't remember all the shit I've been through."</p>
<p>"You think they expect too much of you?" she frowns. "John. They lost you for three years on the meteor. I know that is a long time. Trust me; I know it better than anyone else! Still, they are not going to demonetize you for being different than your thirteen year-old self. Besides, you're not getting rid of any of us that easy. Give them a chance."</p>
<p>Oh, that hurts. Hearing your moirail's words spoken by another is hard. It just goes to show how much he knows what he is talking about. Eventually you manage to agree with her.</p>
<p>Then she says, "John. You always show up when people least expect, popping in and out before anyone else can get the last word. Besides, I'm not an idiot. I already know you still have the retcon powers."</p>
<p>For a moment, you freeze.</p>
<p>Your eyes widen and your shoulders stiffen as if she has just announced you are a murderer. To be fair, the statement is fairly condemning. You hope she is kidding. Oh Gog, she is not kidding. Her expression is gentle but serious. Oh no.</p>
<p>You lick your lips nervously, "I can explain."</p>
<p>It turns out she already knows pretty much everything. Well, not <i>everything</i>-everything, but enough to make you wonder why she was not some kind of Seer during The Game. When you tell her so, she scoffs. </p>
<p>She rolls her eyes, "John, it's obvious to anyone who cares to pay attention. You're in mourning. It just took me some time to realize who you were grieving over, since all of us are here. And then I realized that is not necessarily true from your point of view, is it?</p>
<p>"Plus, you are able to get in and out of places without being seen, as well as the time discrepancies," she continues as if you had agreed. "The only solution that makes sense is you retained your retcon powers and have been using them to get to know the past us. Hmm, or, well, you know, the us that our troll bodies were before we woke up in them. I really do wonder how that works. Is the troll-Jade still here with me, just sleeping or otherwise occupied?"</p>
<p>"Jadite," you softly inform her. "Your- err- her name was Jadite."</p>
<p>She smiles gently, "That's a nice name. I imagine you and her were friends, right?"</p>
<p>A small bubble of wet laughter escapes your lips, "Y-yeah. The best of friends. We were inclade, Jade. I know you're just now discovering what that means, but-"</p>
<p>Strong arms envelop you in an almost bruising hug, "Oh, John! I'm so sorry! You've been terribly lonely, haven't you?"</p>
<p>With whispered consolations, she eventually gets herself under control again. Then comes a whirlwind of activity you have always associated more with Jadite than the more passive Jade. A meeting is put together and your status revealed to the entire group. Then comes the revelation of the incoming vessel, and things get hectic. </p>
<p>Your crew begins to run you ragged with their requests- particularly Terezi, Rose, and Jade. The Seers are adamant that they have the most information to work with as feasible, which means extra retcons for you. Jade somehow appointed herself as your taskmaster and assistant. She helps keep you working and focused on the ten million different demands the others have made. You sort of love her and hate her at the same time.</p>
<p>It all culminates when the ship touches down and out come familiar faces. Your stress and lack of rest catch up to you when you spot <i>him</i>. The one familiar face you never actually wanted to see again, no matter what form he took. </p>
<p>"<i>You!</i>" you snarl.</p>
<p>"Me!" he gives a shit-eating grin, arms spread wide in open challenge.</p>
<p>You, being the idiot you are, decide to take that challenge. The two of you strife up and down the field, and all around the space ship. In the end, though, all you have to show for your troubles is a gunshot wound to your shoulder and a festering sort of resentment. </p>
<p>"Right," you huff. "Show me your fanfic notes so I can kick your brother's ass again."</p>
<p>She gives you a nervous smile, "Sure, John. I have compiled the necessary journal entries and formatted them in specific colors for your convenience."</p>
<p>You raise an eyebrow as you look at the extremely well-organized notes, complete with bullet points, "Is this a study guide for a test?" </p>
<p>"N-no!" she denies. "I'm just used to doing things like this for... It doesn't matter! We just need to focus on you completing these time loops so we don't end up a doomed timeline."</p>
<p>You scan her notes, "Yeah, retcon powers are not exactly the most easily guided things. I think I can come up with some keywords that will work, though."</p>
<p>"Keywords?" she asks.</p>
<p>You grin, "Like this. <b>Hanger Havoc</b>." <b>==&gt;H4NG3R H4VOC</b></p>
<p>You blink a few times, getting the weird stars in your vision to clear. Also, the weirdness of speaking a keyword aloud for your retcons. It does not take long for you to realize what the problem is. A young Calbor is facing off with an unknown duo of trolls in the middle of a hanger for smaller jet-like vessels. When he exacerbates the situation, you sigh. So much for zapping around and beating him up.</p>
<p>Instead, you rescue him from his tormentors. For your troubles you get a litany of complaints and abuse. Ugh. Without even waiting around, you zap to the next keyword. And the next. And the next. Each one is filled with insults, tension, and you saving the worst living thing in the whole universe.</p>
<p>"What is your problem?" snarls Calbor after you help eliminate some culling drones.</p>
<p>You blink, "Excuse me? Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?"</p>
<p>"I am not. The one who. Keeps Leaving!" the red-eyed troll yells. </p>
<p>"Well, I'm not hear for your company or scintillating conversation," you point out. "My job is to keep you alive and from causing too many problems. Otherwise the whole timeline is fucked."</p>
<p>"What do you know. About Time?" he sneers. "You are not. Even a Time player!"</p>
<p>"Fair," you agree, "but I have retcon powers. So you'll have to get used to me showing up to, well, show you up."</p>
<p>"That makes absolutely no sense," he grits out. "If you can travel through time. You should give those powers. To someone who can actually use them."</p>
<p>"Who? Like you?" you scoff. "Fat chance."</p>
<p>"Maybe if I kill you. I can steal your powers," he smirks as he advances on you. </p>
<p>Rolling your eyes, you punch him right in the sniff node and zap away. Idiot. </p>
<p>As time goes by, you manage to keep the Beforus trolls alive by staying in the shadows and following instructions. A harmless file left out in the open here, a nudge in the right direction there. As a crew hiding no fewer than three illegal bloodcastes, the group stays on the fringes of the Alternian Empire. Stealing what they need to survive and fleeing the Imperial Fleet are par for the course. They are actual space pirates. </p>
<p>It is a few zaps later when you decide to ask, "Hey, how did you get my Trollian handle, anyway?" </p>
<p>Calbor glares at you, "You had your communication device. Out to look. At some weird words."</p>
<p>"Were you reading my retcon notes over my shoulder?" you indignantly ask. "You fucking moron! What if you screw up the whole timeline doing that?"</p>
<p>He shrugs, "I could not. Even read that much. Especially when I realized. It was formatted by my <i>sister</i>."</p>
<p>You groan, "If you try to murder her one more time, I swear I am going to throw you out an airlock into deep space."</p>
<p>"It is in my nature. To kill my other half," he argues.</p>
<p>"It <i>was</i> in your nature," you correct. "You aren't a cherub any more so than I'm a human these nights. I think it's about time you get used to it."</p>
<p>Channeling your inner Karkat, you give him The Quadrant Talk. Because he seems to be ignoring you, you even give it twice. Then you discuss other things about being a troll, such as weird instincts and foreign biology. Both of you commiserate on the awkwardness that was waking up in a body very different from the one you were used to inhabiting. Worse still is the fact none of the others around you are going through the same thing. It is strange to have someone to talk to about these things after all this time.</p>
<p>He is still an asshole, though. </p>
<p>Caliborn in any form is a bit much to deal with on a regular basis. You get your rest in by making a couple sparing trips back to the past to see your moirail and recharge. Finally, you are at the last keyword. You tell Calbor as much with no small amount of delight.</p>
<p>"Now I'm done with you!" you smile. "I get to go back to my own timeline."</p>
<p>He frowns, "The other are awake now. All of them are acting. Like they never were gone. And they don't remember. Anything that we did."</p>
<p>"Yeah, that part absolutely sucks," you agree. "But at least all the culling attempts were half-hearted at best. I really thought Meenah and the others were going to lynch you pretty much immediately. You're lucky Callie talked them out of it."</p>
<p>Calbor sneers, "I do not need her help."</p>
<p>"Yes, you do," you tell him. "With me returning to my timeline, you are going to have to accept help from someone else for a little while."</p>
<p>"We have decided. To go to Alternia. To find out if you and your crew. Are alive," he says.</p>
<p>"Yeah, that is part of the timeline," you squint as you try to figure out where he is going with this conversation.</p>
<p>"I am not. Telling any of them. That I know you are alive," he grins.</p>
<p>"You're a dick," you roll your eyes. </p>
<p>"It is against the timeline," he points out. </p>
<p>"Goodbye and good riddance, Calbor," you announce as you stand up. </p>
<p>"Fuck you, too," he replies just before you zap away. <b>==&gt; 1D1OT SHOWDOWN</b> makes a lot more sense now.</p>
<p>You return to the future just in time to see your past self lunging at Calbor in the distance. With a sigh, you sit and wait for this whole debacle to play out. Besides not being worth the effort, you do not remember intervening last time. Stable time loops are hard, and no one seems to understand. </p>
<p>You wait until past you zaps away before floating over to the group. You quickly approach Callie and Calbor on the sidelines to let them know your mission is done. </p>
<p>"Back already?" Calbor grimaces.</p>
<p>"How do you not even understand time travel when you were literally the Lord of Time?" you ask. Then you turn to Callie, "Alright, that's done. I'm exhausted and don't want anything to do with retcons for at least a week. What now?"</p>
<p>"I am not sure," she frowns. </p>
<p>"Liar," hisses Calbor.</p>
<p>You glance over at him, "Is there something I forgot?"</p>
<p>"No," he snarls. "She does not want. To ask you. Because she thinks. It is cruel."</p>
<p>"Well, anything involving you is pretty much always going to involve some form of cruelty, even if it is only being subjected to your presence," you admit. "What is it, Callie?"</p>
<p>She waffles for a moment on whether to say something or not. You watch as she cuts furtive glances over to the rest of the crew. Her expression looks distinctly worried. It does not bode well for any of you.</p>
<p>"Please tell me there is not something horrible about to happen to them," you groan. "Not again."</p>
<p>"There is a way for them to regain Godtier," she says, voice quiet.</p>
<p>"What?" you hiss, trying to keep your voice down. But, really?! She brings this up now?</p>
<p>"It is not an easy choice to make," continues Calliope. "The Game is already tied to this world due to the Jujus you and Calbor maintain. His is the crowbar he so fondly swings about. Yours is... something you absorbed, I believe."</p>
<p>The pit in your stomach drops into a yawning cavern, "Oh."</p>
<p>"It is. Quite lucky," laughs Calbor maliciously. "You sent an empty Juju. To fight my adult form. Which means. You house it. Inside your pathetic body. An easy fix."</p>
<p>"I have to die to save them?" you clarify. </p>
<p>"This is the only way," Calliope says, eyes swimming with unshed tears. "For them to regain their powers, the Jujus must be broken."</p>
<p>"Then you know my answer," you sigh. "I'll do it. To save them, I'll do anything."</p>
<p>"I somehow knew that would be your answer," she gives you a watery smile.</p>
<p>Calbor sneers, "I'm just glad. I get to be the one. To kill you. Only a Juju. Can destroy another Juju."</p>
<p>You glare at the idiot, "Of course that's how it works. Well, I suppose you can consider cracking open my skull payback for all those times I retconned in to beat you up a little."</p>
<p>"I will enjoy it," confirms the red-eyed man-child. "Greatly."</p>
<p>You suck in a deep breath, "Right. I don't want the others to figure out what we're doing, so let's get it over with."</p>
<p>"Goodbye, Johnny," cries Calliope.</p>
<p>"Keep them safe for me," you beg, suddenly realizing you will not be around anymore. "All of them."</p>
<p>"I will," she promises.</p>
<p>"Shut. Up!" Calbor rolls his eyes. "You two. Are pathetic." </p>
<p>Without waiting any longer, he hefts up the red crowbar. It swings straight for your head. It takes all your not-inconsiderable stubbornness to remain exactly where you are instead of trying to dodge. There is a sudden blooming of pain in your temple. Then darkness.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so this project was started back before even trollstuck 5.0 and was the original fic for the story when i realized i wanted to tell things from the point of view of other people as well. hence me writing trollstuck 5.0 first and coming back to finish this fic as a prequel type story. i also worked my butt off to ensure the entire thing would be posted on 2020-04-13 as a homage to john's birthday</p><p>the third installment of trollstuck 5.0 is underway already, but it might take some time as i recover from the mad dash to finish this fic. as i am an essential employee ((and my laptop decided to kick the bucket three days ago)) please bare with me.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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